Congrats!
You are the brick wall.
(aka too firm)
Children feel a sense of security because they know exactly what to expect but may not have much voice or control. You are strong in following through with the rules however you may need support in finding fun, lightness and connection.
Sometimes we are too kind until we can’t stand our kids and then jump over to too firm until we can’t stand ourselves. There’s another option!
Kind & Firm at the same time
Here are tips to find the balance with KIND and firm at the same time…
Kindness (or Connection) =
I see you. I love you. You are enough.
Firmness =
What needs to happen for everyone to share space and coexist respectfully.
Understand brain development.
When you can reframe “misbehavior” with understanding their perspective from a developmental standpoint, you will have more empathy and patience to teach them new skills and invite cooperation.
How to teach Brain in the Palm of the Hand to kids, video
Feelings, the first foreign language I learned as a parent, blog
Find the fun.
You used to be fun – yes you did! You can be connected and fun and light AND also hold firm to routines and expectations. In fact, when you engage in imagination and role-play and games, you are actually strengthening their executive functioning and creativity and overall prefrontal cortex, which gives them stronger neurons needed for emotional regulation and focus.
My Top 5 Toddler Parenting Tools, blog
Special time.
Together, pick a day and a small session within that day. Name it, and high five your commitment. When that time comes, let them take the lead and see what happens. Without judgment, assess how it went, and make any necessary adjustments so it feels mutually respectful. Keep tweaking, keep watering, and watch your relationship grow.
Focus on solutions versus consequences.
Solutions are…
related
reasonable
respectful
helpful
In a nutshell, how can we actually teach the lesson or skill that is missing? If you’ve never experienced this solution-focused relationship it might sound like anarchy or chaos. In fact, it actually brings more calm and connection, even relieving that mental load we all carry by shifting the responsibility back to the child.
How to model apologies with kids, video
How kids can solve their own problems, video