ShareTeaching Flexibility to Kids
When we think of the character traits and skills we hope our children have when they grow up, flexibility is likely on the list. Partly because they may be currently living in the land of strong-willed rigidity. If their favorite jammies are in the wash or you dare to give them the blue instead of the yellow cup they internally combust. We know flexibility is helpful and even necessary in life.
“Flexibility is critical”, shares Kristine Mraz and Christine Hertz in their book A Mindset for Learning, “to see large complex problems and find ways to tackle them efficiently and creatively.”
So how do we start teaching now?
Here are some tips to get you started:
Bring awareness
Point out the obvious by explicitly giving them the definition and highlighting examples. Mraz and Hertz use this definition to teach young children:
“Flexibility means when one thing doesn’t work, you try a different way.”
You can also add, “It also is when we are ok with a different choice or plan.”
Then use it in context.
“I noticed you let your sister use the toy first. That is being flexible.”
“You couldn’t get your bike over the curb so you went down the ramp. That is being flexible!”
Tell a story
Children love stories, especially ones about themselves! Tell a story about a time when they were flexible (hint- make it dramatic!). Once they get the hang of it, invite them to tell their own stories of when they were flexible. One family used dice at dinner time for conversation starters. If they rolled a 3, they shared a story of how they were flexible that day.
Read a book
Children’s books are always helpful to teach concepts. These are some of our favorites:
Bunny Cakes by Rosemary Wells
The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashely Spires
If You Want to See a Whale by Julie Fogliano
Mateo Finds His Wow by Gabi Garcia
Set goals
For some kids, flexibility is REALLY hard and creates daily challenges. Be transparent that this is something they need a lot of practice with. Set a goal to grow this skill, then practice through role play, stuffed animals, or favorite characters. Pick an area to practice (meals, playdates, activities, transitions) and just focus on being flexible at that time.
Example
My 3 year old melted down every time we had to stop playing her favorite imaginary game “family.”
- Goal: We set a goal of responding positively when it was time to end the game.
- Script: “It’s ok, we can pause and play another time”
- Practice: We practiced when it WASN’T time for the game, role-playing during the family meeting. This gave her tools she could use when it was game time, along with the script.
- Reflect: We checked back in at the next family meeting, and while she wasn’t 100% perfect, there was a LOT of progress. We role-played again to bring awareness and then kept practicing throughout the week.
Brain power
Empower your kiddo by teaching them about their brain and how being flexible grows their brain and super powers. Flexibility is an executive functioning skill that lives and grows in the prefrontal cortex. The more children practice, the stronger that skill will be!
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