Q&A: How to ditch the pacifier?

Transcription

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hi welcome back to our sproutable parent
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Q&A this week we have a question from a
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parent who wants to know how do we ditch
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The Pacifier we called it a binky in our
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house we were so attached to the binky I
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loved the binky all three of my kids
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were Binky kids but we also know that
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all of our pediatric dentist tell us
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that at some point we've got to ditch
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the binky and that it is is sooner
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rather than later so how do we do it
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some people like to use this whole binky
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fairy and attach presents to it but I
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love to teach intrinsic motivation from
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a very early early age I like to lean
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into the intrinsic motivation because I
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want them to do it for themselves to
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feel good about their capability for
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them to be able to grow these new skills
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for themselves to find different ways of
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comfort and to be able to feel through
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their emotions we also know that when
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there is extrinsic motivation they're
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just doing it to please me or because
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this is what mama wants to do or because
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that will make me happy and that is not
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a value that I want to carry through
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Parenthood or our relationship we also
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know that through research that
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extrinsic motivation actually decreases
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the value of whatever it is that we want
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them to do and and so if we're trying to
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grow capability
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responsibility emotional regulation
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they're not going to care about that as
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much when we add a toy or a point system
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or a sticker system to be extrinsically
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motivated and we want to just focus on
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that sense of capability responsibility
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Independence and being able to handle
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big emotions I also add our positive
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discipline layer which is how are we
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connected and firm at the same time this
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is a great place for us to practice as
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parents with follow through with making
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a decision so lots of places for us to
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lean into this Challenge and we know
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that the Binkies can be a huge source of
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comfort security and also give us some
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real quiet so there's a difference
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between kids that are under two and over
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two so the question from this parent has
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they have a 2 and a half-year-old we
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also know older kids have them as well
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my recommendation is to really lean on
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that 2-year-old birthday that by two at
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two we are saying goodbye and this can
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be a nice reframe for kids where they
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just know oh yeah this is part of my
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birthday this is part of now I'm two I
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don't need it anymore so you get to
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really drive the PR around that you get
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to drive The Branding you know about
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what it means to be too one thing that
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can also be helpful is when you get rid
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of it around some sort of a weekend away
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or a trip or something and so that they
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really are are out of the house starting
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a new habit and are able to lean into
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this new environment with it and
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everything is sort of fresh and changed
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up it goes without saying you obviously
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have to get rid of all of them you
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cannot just have them hanging around the
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house so setting that date letting them
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know in advance we're getting rid of all
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the Binkies we're saying goodbye to the
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Binkies they're going back to other kids
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that need them I usually avoid saying
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it's just for babies or just for littles I
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just say they're going to the kids that
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need them and really lean into just
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we're to we don't need them anymore and
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then um once you've gotten totally rid
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of them the phrase that I used for my
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kiddos was oh well there's no binkies in
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California right it was just this real
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confident follow through we're done they
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are obviously going to melt down right
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there is going to be that next time
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whether it is that they're in the car
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where they had it or they're going down
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for their nap or bedtime that they are
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like where is it I need it and so this
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is where they're going to need something
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else to be soothed right something else
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to have that comfort and so this is
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where we get to offer them those other
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tools leaning into the rest your routine
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right so you're still singing the same
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songs you're still holding them in the
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same way reading them the books telling
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them they're capable rubbing their back
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singing the the song even in the car
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listening to the music whatever it is
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you're still the same steady parent and
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you're confidently saying we don't need
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the binky anymore so it is okay for you
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to feel some distress too when they're
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having those big emotions and that big
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meltdown and that big tantrum and so
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just really staying confident and you
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staying regulated and you staying calm
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and you trusting that they can have big
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feelings too it is okay for them to be
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disappointed it is okay for them to be
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communicating through their big emotions
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that this was something that was really
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important to them and was their only
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tool for a while and you holding that
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space for them not being afraid of that
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saying I can handle it I'm here for you
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you know for other coping tools and
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ideas we have a great video on calming
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big Tantrums on creating a positive time
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out space or calm down corner so lots of
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ideas there but just remember that they
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don't need the binky and so we're not
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trying to like completely replace that
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with something else that's just going to
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create this new habit we want to help
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support them as they're
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creating this new experience or this new
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routine where they don't actually need
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it so really leaning into the
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predictability again going back to it's
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the books it's the song it's the rubbing
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the back it's the it's really that trust
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that it's okay to be in discomfort right
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right now and then it's not going to
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last forever that all big feelings come
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and go just like
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waves so when they're older than two and
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they're older and they're now two and a
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half or Beyond this is where you really
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want to connect with them and join with
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them to say you know what I've noticed
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that we have had this spinky for a
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really long time and you're now two and
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a half or three or three and a half and
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we really don't need it anymore and you
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can of course add in the piece around
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your dentist we of our doctors s us we
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can say and just like how our dentists
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recommended that we don't need it
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anymore and actually it's not that great
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for us to have it anymore and so we
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follow the recommendations of our
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dentist so really joining with them
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around the why having your plan with
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them of when we're going to say goodbye
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to all the Binkies we don't need them
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anymore and then really letting them
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know you're there for them to help them
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through those waves of emotions and
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finding these other tools for them to
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find comfort and that deep down you know
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they are capable and they are going to
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be able to move through life without a
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pacifier and a pinky so thanks for
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writing in if you have any questions
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always reach out we love to help we'll
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see you next
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time real moments are learning moments