Eps 69: Laurie Prusso Hatch Helps us Understand Hurtful Behavior in Young Kids
Episode 67
Today’s guest is Laurie Hatch, a “radical grandma” with strong ideas and opinions about how children who can be raised. She has eleven kids, 44 grandkids and has worked in education, now consulting and training. We are going to talk about what to do when kids engage in hurtful & aggressive behavior.
“If I could teach parents one thing it would be: never expect kids to share. Kids do not share until the ages of 4 and 5 when it becomes important to them to have a playmate who stays with them and collaborates”
“Sharing is one of the most inappropriate expectations we have in childhood and a huge trigger. We were taught to be nice and share and that if you don’t share you aren’t nice.”
“About the time we start to figure out parenting, we are done”
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Takeaways from the show
- Exploring the language we use to describe behaviors our kids engage in
- How separating ourselves from our children’s behavior changes how we describe and perceive it
- Sibling rivalry and how we help create it
- The role of supervision in mitigating sibling conflict
- What is scaffolding and how does it relate to correcting behavior?
- Setting reasonable expectations around kid’s ability to self-regulate: improvement vs. mastery
- Child development and how that impacts how sibling conflict plays out
- Resolving conflict through curiosity
- Naturalist observational report: talking to kids about what happened absent of judgment and assumption
- Sharing expectations: why and when developmentally kids share and how expecting it can create challenges
- Biting and tantrums in context: how language and maturity impact these phases
- Backtalk versus advocacy: reframing sassy behavior
- Repetitive behaviors: chances to try different approaches to resolve conflict
- Nurturing in the heat of conflict: why it helps and how to do it even when it’s hard.
- Solutions vs punishments. Focusing on the goal and expected behavior and being permissive aren’t the same thing, resolution doesn’t need to be punitive
- Relationship repair and how to recover fromparenting missteps
- Spanking – where does it come from and what else can you do in the moment
- Post-conflict recaps: encouraging perspective taking and problem solving
- The role of family meetings: connecting rather than blaming
- Parenting education helps learn about parenting process
- Triggers: why do we have them and what they can teach us about ourselves?
- Self-care and parenting – how journaling can help
- Problem solving without fault
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
“Joy is the essence of being centered in truth. Courage is heart. I try to live so my life and heart are centered on the things I know are true. I have limited knowledge so I’m continually looking for that. I draw on my courage so that I can speak out in active ways that are in harmony with what I believe. Joy is not fleeting, it’s not like happiness. Joy is a constant and a choice in life. If you have joy in your heart, you’re able to endure challenges and adversity because you have this constant centered on truth.”
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