ShareTake Time for Training
One Positive Discipline tool that’s been especially meaningful in my work as a nanny is Take Time for Training. In short, this is simply teaching children something, often a practical life skill, before we expect them to do it themselves.
Dr. Jane Nelsen breaks this down into four steps:
- Explain the task kindly while they watch you do it.
- Do it together.
- Have the child do it with your supervision & support.
- The child is ready to do that task themselves.
Makes sense to me! We simply cannot expect a child to successfully load a dishwasher or fold a basket of laundry if they’ve never been taught how to do those things. In “Positive Discipline Parenting Tools,” Dr. Jane Nelsen explains it succinctly when she says, “Kids need skills and skills need to be taught.” An extra bonus for us, as nannies using this tool?
Parents love seeing their kids pitch-in around the house and show off their newly-learned skills.
Be patient
While we are taking the time to teach these skills, remember to be patient. I love the example of teaching a child how to make their bed. It sounds straight forward to say, “go make your bed,” but consider being in a little body with short arms and trying to do all those steps successfully: straightening your sheets, pulling up your blankets & comforter, arranging your pillows & stuffed animals – it’s a lot!
One thing at a time
Focus on one thing at a time, and try not to jump in while they’re practicing a new skill – the towels might not be folded perfectly, and their outfit might not be what you would have picked, but kids are super proud when they get to demonstrate their new skills.
When they make mistakes
Expect some trial-and-error and be ready to suggest different strategies. If a child is making mistakes, go back and review the steps again, or break bigger jobs into smaller tasks to make it more do-able.
Investing in the future
Consider the favor you’re doing for your future selves and nanny family when you teach these life skills. Yes, it takes longer upfront to teach kids how to pack their own lunch for school, but only in the short-term. When you think of years of elementary school lunches that you don’t have to pack, it certainly makes that time spent teaching worth it!
Remember that kids are so capable and that skills build self-esteem. We don’t need to pay or bribe them to do these jobs. I love to emphasize with my nanny kids that, “We are such a good team!” and I always give them a genuine “thank you” for their help.
Not taking time for training can hinder kids later in life. I am an absolutely terrible cook. Learning how to prepare food has been a big practical life skill to be taking on in my thirties, and I wish that I had learned more about cooking when I was younger. That motivates me to make sure I’m teaching my nanny charges to do what they can for themselves.
Yes, I’ll teach you to use the apple slicer, even though it makes me nervous. Yes, I’ll teach you to tie your shoes, even though velcro is easier.
A recent skill I’ve been working on with my older nanny kiddos is putting on their own sunscreen. The first few times were a little nightmarish – we used a lot of sunscreen and it took forever, but again, it’s so worth it when I can just hand those bottles of sunscreen over and supervise (plus, added bonus: more bodily autonomy).
Take Time for Training has been such a helpful tool for me in my work. It would be so easy for me, as a nanny, to feel like I need to be doing everything for the kids because I’m getting paid, so I’m grateful that I have the background to understand why it’s actually more beneficial for everyone when I teach my nanny kids to do things for themselves.
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