By Julietta Skoog

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Teach Turn Taking in Conversations

When It Gets Hectic…

We’ve all been there. Mealtimes can spiral into chaos or power struggles, and your first impulse might be to correct or redirect behavior: “Stop interrupting,” “Sit down,” “Just eat your food!” Instead, try using conversation as the redirection. Bring them back into the moment with a question, a story, or a fun prompt. 

“Tell me everything you know about dinosaurs!”

“What are you going to wear for pajama day at school tomorrow?”

“Let’s play rose, stem, thorn” (Share a high point, a challenge, and something you’re looking forward to or something you learned from a mistake you made.

You’re still guiding behavior—but through connection rather than correction.

Teaching Turn-Taking

When you finally get everyone corralled around the kitchen table, turn-taking can be a struggle—everyone wants to talk now! Try this:

• Encourage them to “hold onto their thought” by pretending to put it in their hand or pocket. Have them whisper it into their palm and then make a fist to close it in.
  
• Say: “Hold onto it—you’re growing your brain when you wait patiently!”
  
• Then circle back to them: “Do you still have it? Let’s hear it!”
  

Use language like:
“We’re practicing taking turns.”
“We’re practicing remembering what we want to say.”
  “We’re practicing listening.”

The emphasis is on practice. It doesn’t have to be perfect.

For kids to get better at listening and taking turns in conversation, make the practice explicit. Teach them to listen for the “pause” in a conversation for when to add what it is that they want to say. Then, exaggerate starting to tell a story and pausing while looking at them with a wink or a smile to encourage them to share their piece at that point. Kids love practicing and role playing with stuffed animals and characters. Playing is the best way to teach!

Young children are often shamed or even yelled at when they interrupt. We want to teach manners and also important life skills like a sense of self and agency, so add language that reinforces that they matter and they have agency and autonomy:

 “
What you have to say is important and I want to be able to hear you so thank you for waiting patiently; right now I am listening to mama, and then I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.” 

Remember that the part of the brain that is responsible for inhibition – the opposite of impulsivity- is still growing in young children. It is harder for them to wait, pause, or even understand that grown ups haven’t seen each other all day and just want to enjoy a meal and catch up! These early years are the important practice children need to establish family dinners with healthy communication. So they need to start now!

Author bio

Julietta Skoog is a Certified Positive Discipline Advanced Trainer with an Ed.S Degree in School Psychology and a Masters Degree in School Counseling with over 20 years of experience coaching families in Seattle Public Schools and homes all over the world. She draws from her real life practical experience working with thousands of students with a variety of needs and her own three children to parent coaching, bringing a unique ability to translate research, child development and Positive Discipline principles into everyday parenting solutions. Her popular keynote speeches, classes, and workshops have been described as rejuvenating, motivating, and inspiring.