3 Secrets to Parenthood Prep

Why “winging it” is no longer a parenting plan

Humans are complex. Human relationships are complex. Human brains are complex. Yet, the traditional parenthood prep doesn’t include reading up on human development or social neuroscience. Normally (and if you Google you will see what I mean), all the parenthood prep is about what you need to buy for that first year survival, or how to financially prepare for a child.

Where is the support, help, or advice on growing remarkable human beings? Don’t we want our children to grow and become even better than us? Don’t we want them to be responsible, independent, empathetic, creative, good problem solvers, and excellent communicators?

We need to start preparing for parenthood differently. We need to be informed. We need a plan. We need to get on the same page as our parenting partner or nanny or grandparents.

Here’s how:

Create your vision

Who do you want your child to grow up to be? What life skills do you want them to have? What values are important in your family?

What things do you want to keep from how you were raised and what do you want to let go of?

I have a long list for my child and I am still adding to it. I’m still dreaming about all the things he can become. And as a white male, I want to make sure that he fights for equity, social justice, feminism and understands consent (even better than me). I want him to grow up knowing that feelings are okay, especially for boys. I want him to have intrinsic motivation. You get where I am going here. I’m still working on these things for myself. I’m still learning what this all means.

We can dream big. In fact, our world needs us to. What’s your vision? What’s your big audacious dream for your child(ren)?

Get informed

The research is still coming in, but what we know today vs. what was available to our parents is radically different. We now know that naming feelings actually tells the brain to calm down. (“That hurt when you fell.”) That when we recount a scary scenario and tell the story over and over, it actually helps decrease anxiety and build resilience.

How we talk to our children has a direct impact on their behavior.

When we model good communication skills, our children learn it too. When we speak respectfully, when we get into their world, when we find the fun – we can invite cooperation and respect. When we use encouragement instead of praise, we are building their intrinsic motivation, their ability to persevere when things get difficult. When we use WHAT and HOW questions, we build problem solving skills and avoid power struggles.

You can learn this all in a Positive Discipline class, like this one online or in-person. Or you can read a book. Whatever is your method of learning, I encourage you to jump in.

Here are a couple of my favorite books:

Positive Discipline Books: The Classic Guide, The First Three Years, Preschoolers, Children with Special Needs, Single Parents

Dr. Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson: The Whole-Brain Child, The Yes Brain

Carol S. Dweck: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Angela Garbes: Like A Mother

Find your community

It truly takes a village to raise a child. No one can do it alone! We all need our friends, or family or neighbors, not just for the help (we need that too,) but because it gives that many more opportunities to strengthen our child’s social emotional development.

Need a community? There are plenty of options out there. We love organizations like PEPS, where they help connect new parents that live near each other to meet and support each other through those difficult early days. Or companies like Om Mama, that offer classes, events, photography and support services to new mamas.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

We all need it sometimes. Fellow parents get it. We’ve all been there. We’ve had the mastitis, we’ve had the emergency room visits, we’ve had the sleep deprivation. You don’t have to be alone.

I am here for you too. Did you know you can email us ([email protected]) anytime and we will answer your questions?

It is never too late to make your parenting plan. It’s time to start thinking about the future. Who do we want our children to be when they grow up? What do we want our collective future to look like?

Join me. Let’s grow remarkable kids and grow a new generation that is remarkably better than us.

What’s in your parenting plan? What’s your vision? Comment below.