By Danielle Taylor

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How to Be a Homework Helper Kids Actually Want Around

What is the best approach to helping kids with homework?

I’d like to start this post by publicly apologizing for assigning entirely too much homework to my elementary students in the early 2010s. My intentions were good! I thought kids needed the extra practice, admin expected to see homework, and surely parents liked knowing what their kids were learning… right?  Maybe not.

Now that I’ve spent years on the other side, supporting kids with their homework instead of assigning it, I wish I could go back and tell those sweet kiddos to skip the busywork and go play and spend time with their families instead. Since I haven’t figured out time travel yet, I’m trying the next best thing: sharing everything I know about how to support kids with their homework. 

It’s Their Homework 

First things first: it’s their homework, not yours. I bet you already completed elementary school, and lucky us, we don’t have to do it again! Our role is to support kids while they do their homework, and what that looks like depends on the child’s age and temperament.

1st – 2nd grade

For younger kids, I stay close and provide a lot of scaffolding. That might look like:

• Giving a verbal reminder that it’s homework time
  
• Helping them find a quiet, comfy spot to work
  
• Checking their planner together
  
• Creating a visual checklist
  
• Gathering supplies

I might sit nearby working on my own project, staying available for questions without hovering.

3rd – 5th grade

For older kids, I back off even more. With my current 4th-grade charge, I just ask, “Do you have homework tonight?” or add “Homework” to his Kanban board (Kanbans are charts with 3 columns: To Do, Doing, & Done.  We put daily tasks on post-its, and the kiddos move them down the board as they go.  Quick & easy!). That’s usually all he needs to get started. He checks his planner, gathers his materials, and typically finishes independently. The biggest supports I offer now are keeping little siblings quiet so he can focus and occasionally reminding him to put his homework in his backpack afterward so it makes it back to school. 

That said, kids of all ages will ask for help with their homework sometimes. Often it’s minor (“Does this need to be capitalized?”), but other times it’s a huge concept (“Wait… how do you do long division again?”). That’s when I remind myself: this is their homework. I love Dr. Jane Nelsen’s quote,

“The more you make homework your job, the less your children make it theirs.”

Now, I’m happy to support with spelling a tricky word here and there, rewording instructions, or giving a little encouragement, but I’m not teaching full-on lessons during homework time.  Homework is meant to reinforce concepts that kids have already learned in class. When we jump in to re-teach the lesson, or worse, do the assignment ourselves, we’re getting in the way of that process.

Why hold back? 

Kids miss out on valuable practice, and teachers miss out on critical insight.  Even if your method is technically correct (and even if you’re awesome at math), it might not line up with what the teacher is currently emphasizing.  Maybe the class is working on just one step of a longer process or learning a specific strategy.  When we teach it our way, we might accidentally confuse the student and derail what the teacher’s trying to build.

For example, their class might not have learned your favorite trick for long division yet.  If you teach it too soon, you risk muddying the waters. That’s not helpful to the student or their teacher.  Homework isn’t about showing how smart we are or how smart our nanny kids are; it’s about showing what they know. Teachers use those imperfect assignments to see what’s sticking and what still needs work.

A perfectly completed worksheet might look great, but it doesn’t actually tell the teacher much.

So what can we do to help when they get stuck?  Like I mentioned earlier, I’m happy to help with small things like spelling or rereading instructions for clarity, but I’m certainly not launching into an impromptu unit on the properties of matter this afternoon, Kiddo!  If your nanny charge is really stuck on something, have them write a short note to their teacher, explaining what’s going on.  

“Dear ______, 

I did all of the 2-digit multiplication, but I am really stuck on the 3-digit multiplication problems.  Can you please help me during math tomorrow?  

Thanks, ______”  

This hits a lot of those life-skills we’re always coming back to: self-advocacy, honesty, owning mistakes, asking for help, and clear, effective communication.  It’s also way more helpful to the teacher.  If half the class is stuck, the teacher will know to reteach that concept, but if all their homework looks perfect, they’ll assume everyone’s fine, and they won’t realize there was a gap until test time.

I don’t stringently check homework that is completed for correct answers. I might glance over it to see if I see any huge red flags or to make sure they haven’t missed an entire page, but there’s just no reason for me to do 40 subtraction problems just to check their work – the goal of homework is practice, not perfection. 

Positive Discipline Strategies 

There are four specific Positive Discipline strategies that I find particularly helpful to remember during homework assignments:   

Routines

At Sproutable we often say, “Let routines be the boss.”  I especially appreciate this around homework – it’s no fun being the homework police and nagging, nagging, nagging at them to get started.  Instead, establish and lean-on a clear routine (with the kids’ input!).  My nanny kids know the after school routine backwards & forwards: we drop off our shoes & backpacks, wash hands, grab a snack, and then check the Kanban board for tasks, including homework.  I don’t have to say a word during that routine – they just know.  If they happen to forget a step or get distracted, I just ask,

“What’s next in the routine?” 

Encouragement vs. Praise 

I’ve shared about my journey moving from praise to encouragement before, and I don’t need to rehash it all here, but know I’m still working on getting this right!  The short version: praise is evaluative and about you (“I love your work!”); encouragement is about them (“You really stuck with that even when it was hard. How do you feel about it?”). Praise is often mindless (“Good job!” really doesn’t mean much) whereas encouragement builds internal motivation and resilience.

Natural Consequences 

As I’ve mentioned a few times now, I’m happy to give an occasional reminder to put your homework in your backpack for the next day, but that’s about it.  If they forget to pack it, I’m not rushing it to school for them later that day. I’m letting natural consequences do the work here. Maybe they miss out on a recess because they’re making up the assignment they forgot at home, or maybe there isn’t even a consequence – maybe they can bring it tomorrow and still get all of their points. Either way, it’s a more effective (and realistic) learning opportunity than me lecturing. It’s not my job to dole out rewards or punishments over your homework! Remember to choose kindness when your nanny charge faces an unpleasant natural consequence – they need empathy more than a “told ya so!” 

Connection 

Homework doesn’t have to be a drag; it can be an opportunity to connect with your nanny kiddos! Instead of re-teaching what they’re learning at school, think about how you can extend or build on it. If they’re learning about Ancient Greece, watch “Hercules” together. If they’re working on place value, play Pico, Fermi, Bagel. If they’re working on identifying coins, help them sort their piggy bank.

The second grader I care for has print handwriting homework several times a week, but she’s super curious about cursive. I’m not teaching her everything I know about cursive handwriting, but I did print out a few practice pages for her to explore, just for fun and without any expectations. We had a great time writing random cursive words together in her notebook. I wasn’t overstepping her schooling or taking over her homework, just building in a little extra connection. 

Another easy way to connect?  Read what your nanny kiddos are reading!  My fourth grade buddy just finished “Starry River of the Sky.”  I popped by my local library, grabbed myself a copy, and read it with him – he thought it was really funny that he was ahead of me for most of our read through!  I didn’t do that to help him with his homework – I did it because it was a really good book and because I’m always looking for ways to connect with a ten-year-old boy. 

Quick hack: listen to youth novels on Audible or Libby – they’re usually only 3 or 4 hours long, super digestible, and you still get credit for reading along! 

Are you on the Same Page? 

As nannies, we do need to check-in with parents and make sure that we’re aligned when it comes to homework expectations.  Clearly defined expectations help everyone – is homework one of your daily duties that they’re counting on you to complete with the kiddos?  Or perhaps your nanny family has daily sports & activities after school, so homework doesn’t even come out until after dinner and isn’t on your agenda at all.  

Team up with parents on where homework should be done, too.  Is there a quiet, devoted area for the kiddos to work?  Or, let’s be real, do we need to create a little shoebox bin with supplies & a clipboard for the car so that homework can be done during a sibling’s gymnastics practice?  

Ask the parents to loop you in on school expectations, as well.  For example, my nanny kiddos’ school says homework should take no more than 20 minutes per night. Homework, especially with elementary students, should not be so stressful that it’s taking hours, causing tears and fights, or becoming a dreaded part of the daily routine.  

How Do You Want Homework Time to Feel? 

I bet we all remember the occasional childhood homework meltdown. You: tired and confused, your parent(s): frustrated and impatient – it feels awful!  No one wants to recreate that memory, and I’m certain that’s not what teachers are hoping for when they assign homework.  Let’s be the calm presence who helps kids take ownership of their learning and build up the confidence and routines they’ll need to be successful with their homework in middle school and beyond.

Author bio

Danielle Taylor is a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator and Certified Positive Discipline Early Childhood Educator. Danielle has over 13 years of experience working with children in various capacities, primarily as a nanny and a classroom teacher. Danielle is a passionate life-longer learner and enjoys sharing Positive Discipline tips, tools, and tricks with others.