Share3 Tips for Successful Playdates with Elementary School Kids
With warmer weather playdates are increasing. Our kids love playing with other kids! They are socially wired, and thrive through interactions with others. In the elementary years, kids still ask for playdates, especially through 2nd grade. 3rd graders and up often begin managing their own social plans, and “letting” parents know. It requires navigation and coordinating, particularly with friends that don’t live in the same neighborhood, but is worth the effort to support those relationships.
Playdates teach our kids important social skills like taking turns, collaborative problem solving, sportsmanship, perspective, language, and empathy. They also learn new skills from each other, such as reading, monkey bars, drawing, and engineering! They ALSO can pick up other behaviors like mean words, pranks, or breaking the rules. So how do we navigate these social interactions to keep the positive learning up and the negative behaviors down?
3 Tips to Set Kids Up for Success
Consider both your kids needs & your own (aka mutual respect)
Be mindful about the best time of day, personalities and your own needs as a parent. If you are hosting the play date, make sure the kids are actually able to play – like meeting at a park or backyard with art supplies or balls. Consider if this is a new friend, or first play date that just like grown ups, they may need warming up to new people too. It can be helpful to have a couple of “light” activities to offer for them to break the ice. Review your house rules with your child BEFORE the friend comes over re: snacks, screens, etc. so that neither of you are put on the spot. My rule to keep it clear: no screens on a play date. (Unless it is a family evening and the kids are all watching a movie.) Ask your kiddo if they want to put any special toys away before the other child comes to play.
Conflict happens
Kids are going to argue and have conflict. This is how they learn! No kids are equipped with the perfect set of social skills each time to deal with hitting, not sharing, losing, etc. It is not a reflection on who they are, it is a reflection on the skills that have. Stay close (especially with first time play dates) so you can intervene when conflict starts to erupt, and turn it into a teaching moment for them to practice being safe. Tell them what they CAN do (other than hit or hurt) and give them phrases to make repair and give meaningful apologies. For friends and neighbors that have many playdates, it can be helpful to teach them the bug and wish tool, or create a wheel of choice where they have options for solving their own problems and you can take more of a back seat. If high conflict continues to be a pattern with a friendship, consider talking through whether it is one they want to continue to nurture.
Keep it short and practice good bye
There is nothing worse than a playdate going so well but melting down at the end when the other parent arrives only to see the aftermath and none of the positive! Set yourself up for success, especially with new friends, by keeping them to 2 hours max, depending on the location or age. Read the crowd and manage expectations as well. Avoid last minute requests or begs from kids to have a play date right this second; they might have been having a great time at soccer practice and want to keep the party going but as soon as you get home their time has run out. It is ok to say no and it is ok for them to be disappointed! They are learning patience and delay of gratification. Let them know you will absolutely plan ahead and it is hard to say goodbye.
Before a play date, PRACTICE them saying goodbye to their friend at the door and going over any clean up rules for that transition at the end. My BIGGEST pet peeve is a kid that won’t leave my house when their parent arrives to pick them up, so I teach my children to stand by the door to say good bye. Same goes for when I pick them up– when I am there it is time to LEAVE- no asking for more time or hiding. Kids need to practice this and know that is the limit.
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