Eps 136: Kelly Bos talks about how NOT to become your child’s inner critic

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group – Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves…


Today’s guest is Kelly Flannigan Bos, MSW. Kelly is a clinical therapist focusing on individual, marriage, and family relationships. She helps people find meaning and joy in their relationships – with themselves and others. As a well-known relationship expert, she has appeared in a professional capacity in countless media markets as a guest and writer. Today we are discussing an article she wrote in November called, “I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic.” Join us!

“We’re not always going to have the perfect reactions and we can certainly apologize when we haven’t kept our cool or done the right thing. There’s ways to model other things like resolution or forgiveness.” 

“Does a good brow beating make us feel better, more able to face the challenges ahead of us? Usually not. We often shame ourselves into inertia. Would we ever say these words to a friend? There is a better way. We can be kind to ourselves and get better results and I definitely want kind self talk for my kids.” 

“It’s a constant journey but it’s one I know I want to be on so I just keep starting again and if I can be self-compassionate to myself, then I have something to give outside as well.”

What you’ll hear in this episode:


  • The role of self-compassion in parenting

  • The three tenets of self-compassion

  • Moving past the isolation of the shame of not meeting our own expectations

  • Over-identification with our problems and how mindfulness can make a difference

  • Worry and the reality of the lack of accuracy of our future prediction

  • Phases of parenting and worry

  • Brain development and parenting – developmental challenges

  • Getting out of the emotional whirlwind

  • The role of self-comfort, recognizing and acknowledging our own suffering

  • Self-compassion as a way to build capacity for parenting challenges

  • Self-compassion and it’s relationship to compassion we can extend to others

  • Self-compassion for avoiding depletion

  • Making self-compassion part of common language in the family

  • Family meetings as a vehicle for communicating self-compassion

  • Separating the child from the behavior

  • Problem solving to avoid over identification with problems

  • Fear as a barrier to positive parenting

  • Self care as self-compassion

  • What to do when you have no room for self-care

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

I think this question is such a great one and it changes often a little bit depending on what we are talking about but I wanted to bring it back to a self-compassion idea. So, joyful courage, when we talk about it today, I’m thinking it really means being able to be loving to myself, even when I don’t feel very lovable, be loving to myself and find that sense of happiness and peace and joy. So being able to push on through things, to hold myself, and know that I’m going to get through this, and I can do something different tomorrow, or I can continue to do it this way, whatever it is, whatever the message needs to be, courageously give yourself that message and you push forward and you’re loving and kind, not judge yourself and finding that you’re a part of many, many people struggling today and you’re not the problem. You’re okay in this moment.


I don’t want to write the script for my child’s inner critic

Where to find Kelly:

Facebook l Twitter l Instagram l Website l Youtube



Get ready to commit to ACTION that will change everything!

#Joyfulcourage10 is a 10 day program to kick-start your work in growing awareness and bringing more intention to your parenting. Find out more at www.joyfulcourage.com/jc10


Mother’s Journey

Are you interested in bringing A Mother’s Journey to your community? Get in touch with me! All MJ workshops happening because people like you reach out and say COME! Fill the room with the mamas you love and enjoy a say of love and learning. Email Casey at [email protected] to explore the possibility.


All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/yes

Intention Bracelets

Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?


What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards???  These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.


Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!


Community is everything!

Join our community Facebook groups:

Takeaways from the show

We are here for you

Join the email list

Join our email list! Joyful Courage is so much more than a podcast! Joyful Courage is the adolescent brand here at Sproutable. We bring support and community to parents of tweens and teens. Not a parent of a teen or tween? No worries, click on the button to sign up to the email list specifically cultivated for you: Preschool, school-aged, nannies, and teachers. We are here for everyone who loves and cares for children.

I'm in!

Classes & coaching

I know that you love listening every week AND I want to encourage you to dig deeper into the learning with me, INVEST in your parenting journey. Casey O'Roarty, the Joyful Courage podcast host, offers classes and private coaching. See our current offerings.


See more