Eps 177: Casey is solo talking about how we influence the iceberg

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How we influence the iceberg

 Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior

• Battles over homework

• Power struggles

• Screen time addiction

• Getting out the door

  • We are mega focused on fixing those problems

The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about

Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class:

Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door

• Two options for response:

  • What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?

    • Bribes, threats, punishments

  • What is happening for this child that is getting in the way?

 Go to the source

• Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling…..

• With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better

Transparency

• Rowan talking about the future

  • Agitated, closed off, defensive

  • Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo

  • We both are discouraged and the convo is over

• Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation

  • Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future

  • What is the experience?

  • IS it only with me or others?

  • Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me?

  • What would be useful about having a vision of the future?

    • Deeper even still

    • I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?

 Sometimes our kids refuse to go there….

• How do we let go?

• What do they need?

• Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us….

• Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation

• Honor who they are and their temperament

  • I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.

 Summing it up:

• Recognize how we are contributing to challenges

• Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience.

• Identify the ACTUAL problem

• Be an open, nonjudgmental listener

• Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful)

• Be respectful

• Honor who you child is in word and action

Before I go….

I have a really exciting update on my BOOK!!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. 

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.https://besproutable.us13.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=5e11377e68a482c341b78ff6d&id=d25c237449

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

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