Eps 210: SOLO SHOW Navigating fear and trusting our gut

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:02
Friends, I'm so excited, I'm finally jumping in here and saying that the audiobook is ready. Yes, joyful, courage, calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey is now available through audible and through the month of November, there is a celebration promo. When you buy the audiobook, go to www dot joyful courage.com/proof, and fill out the form. And after you fill out the form, you will be sent the companion guide to download and support you in deepening the lessons shared in the book. All right, so buy the book over on Audible. You can search for it on Amazon. Both of those pathways will get you the audiobook, and then head over to joyful courage.com/proof. P, R, O, O, F, fill out the form and you'll get the companion guide for free that will be yours to download. So excited. I'm so happy to finally let you know that it is here. Yes, super exciting. Hey, podcast listeners, welcome to joyful courage. I'm so glad that you're here and listening. Joyful courage is a conscious parenting podcast, a place where I like to bring information and inspiration to the parenting journey. I'm your host, Casey Casey o'rourdy, I am a positive discipline trainer. I'm a parent coach, but most importantly, I am a fellow traveler on the journey of parenting. I am thrilled, thrilled, thrilled that you're listening in this show is all about stepping into the personal growth and development that is always waiting for us here in this era of being mothers, of being fathers, of loving the kids that we have while staying lovingly detached from what's showing up in their lives. I know that sounds weird, right? Being detached Tonya, it'll change your life if you can do it. The show is designed to offer you guidance. You can take it, you can leave it. It's a buffet of information. Just listen, right? Just listen. Create your own value. Listen for nuggets that land for you, and if something doesn't just leave it behind, it's all good. I would love to know what you think. I have many communities that you can join. You can follow me on Instagram or Facebook. You can join in the conversation at live and love with joyful courage on Facebook, or joyful courage for parents of teenagers on Facebook, so I love to be in conversation with my listeners, knowing what's going on in your life, and bringing some of what you desire most challenges that you are currently facing, bringing them onto the podcast, bringing them into these conversations, so that I can be in service to you. I really hope that you enjoy this show, and I'm confident that you will Hey. Hey everybody, welcome to another free flow solo show. I kind of have the same story as the last time I showed up here solo, which is I can't seem to bring myself to write up a plan. I just want to get in here and talk to you all now I know that I've been sending kind of some cryptic messages I've heard from so many of you. Thank you so much for how much you care about me and my family. Your emails and messages have really touched my heart and just made me ever so grateful for the work that I get to do, the work that I've actually been a little bit avoiding the last couple of weeks. I'm not going to get into a lot of details, but I am just going to say that everybody's okay over here, but we are in the dark night of the soul. It feels like it's it's been really tough. And as any of you who are parenting teenagers who are challenged, know, it's, you know, I have a friend who says, you know, when our kids go out in the world, it's just like a little piece of our exposed heart out in the world. And when they are having a hard time or are in any kind of suffering, it's really challenging to hold the space for them and not get totally wrapped up and and and dive into the suffering with them. Right? It's, it's really challenging. And you know, that's kind of been the work for me these last few weeks and even longer. But it kind of has come to a head these last few weeks, and I really was challenged to listen to my gut. Try to find what is my intuition? Where is fear leading the way? How much power do I give other people and their opinions, no matter how much of an expert. They are just just really swimming inside of all of this. And again, I see you. I see you out there, those of you that have been in relationship with doctors and mental health providers and other parents and just people who perhaps have been through similar situations, or it's their job to support families going through tough mental health challenges. And you know, not all providers are made equal. And at the end of the day, you know, the question is, I, you know, I like to say we are the experts on our kids, and when that comes into question by ourselves, right? When we are in the question of, Am I an expert on my kid, or is this something that's bigger than me? You know, it can just lead to all sorts of of your own suffering, right? Yeah. So another thing you know that I think about often and truly trust and believe in. You know, we all have our faith, right? And what your faith looks like versus my faith, it's might be different, but I really trust in, like, bigger purpose, bigger vision, not knowing the way life is serving us in the moment, but being able to look back and recognize the lessons. You know, that's definitely something that's on my mind right now, because things are really hard, and it helps me to feel a sense of peace when I think to myself, there's something here that I'm going to be looking back on, and I'm going to be grateful for. There's something here that is serving our family and my child and myself, right and but even that, like, even that it's like, or am I completely delusional, and I'm just, you know, like, it's insane, right? How connected we are to the suffering. Like, if we're not suffering, then we're in denial, like, it feels like that is a really easy kind of place to hold that, either or right, either, you know, things are going, you know, the shits hitting the fan, so I'm suffering, right? And I'm feeling the suffering. It's showing up as sleepless nights and loss of appetite and worry and stress all the time, and the tears right there at the surface, and fighting with my husband and stressing, and you know, all the things, right? That's the suffering versus All right? How can I be lovingly detached? How can I be doing my work and in a place of calm and trusting that every we are going to get to the other side, everything's gonna be okay, and then how quickly that voice comes in, like you can't sit inside of that, like it's irresponsible to sit inside of that. And maybe I talked about this on my last solo show. Honestly, I can't really remember, because I'm still grappling with it. Like it's still a thing. It's still a curiosity to me and like, what if I sit in the piece like, what if I sit in my center? What if I take care of myself and continue to show up the same, but instead of being inside of the stress and fear I'm living in a place of grounded center.

You know, like my perspective is bigger, my compassion is more readily available. Um. Yeah, and it's, it's hard to get there, right? Like, that's the other thing that I'm really noticing in this period of time that we are in in our family, is we talk a lot about self care, you know? And well, you really got to take care of yourself. Like, take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. We hear it over and over. I'm hearing it over and over and over and Oh, my God, it's really hard. It's really hard to take care of myself, right? It's really hard to sit in meditation and open up my journal and go for a walk. I was Yeah, it's hard to reach out to people, you know, and so many of you that are listening and you know that are my personal friends. I love you. Thank you for listening to the podcast and you're checking in with me, or you're reading the emails, you know, and you know something's going on, and you're checking in. And right now, the amount of energy that it takes to share what's going on is overwhelming, right? It's overwhelming. And so however, I'm here to say that that today we're okay, like we're okay, there's a new sense of possibility and hope today, and I'm trusting that my child is that her eyes have been opened up to the fact that she gets to be a willing participant in her health and well being and her healing. And that's a good thing. That's a good thing. But man, navigating like trying to find the support that you need, especially when, like, we're new to our community, right? And so that's been, that's been a roadblock, but it also is, you know, there's no roadmap. You know, we have our kids, and we come home and there's that funny little cliche, like, there's no, there's no guidebook to parenting, right? Like, there isn't a guidebook to parenting, and there's some great parenting books, like, I have a million of them, and, you know, our kids come in different flavors, right? Enter the teen years, enter some wonky wiring, you know, some experiences that throw them off course, and where's the freaking guidebook for that, right? And then, you know, you, you, you connect with people that maybe are going through the same thing, but the flavor is slightly different, and so it's not the same thing. So, yeah, all of it, all of it. But really, you know, what I want to talk about is really, like, what does it mean for you to tap into your gut and your intuition for your child, right? Like, what does it mean, you know, to, and I know a lot of you out there, for whatever reason, you've had the experience where maybe your child is sick, and so you go to the doctor, and the doctor says, Oh, they need this. And you think in your you feel in that, that belly, like, I don't know if that's it. I know many of you have fought hard when you know that the doctors have missed something right, or even if it's a school thing, and your child is having a hard time at school, and you know it's bigger than what it is that you're being told, or you know that the educators are missing something, but they're the experts and you're just the quote, parent, how do we listen to our gut, and how do we trust our gut, right? Trusting our gut and what if it's like, not as complicated as we think it is, right? What if trusting our gut is simply, you know, tuning in and then recognizing the chatter that shows up, that second guesses our gut simply is that as chatter as fear as a safety mechanism. Okay, great. I see you, I hear you, and I'm coming back to my gut. I'm coming back to my intuition. I'm coming back to this place where I can remember that there is purpose to this life, that life is happening for us, even when we're in the dark night of the soul, even when things are really hard and and and we don't have the answers. We don't have. The solutions. What if life is happening for us in those moments, and what if that that one thing is something that we can trust in, like, what does that offer? How does that color the way that we're looking at our current challenge? How does that support us? Right? How does that support you? Life is happening for you, right? Life is happening for you. Now, this isn't I don't want you to be misled. I don't want to say like, oh, life's happening for you. So just enjoy the ride, right? There is space for action and inspired action, and there's space for educating ourselves, and there's space there's space for listening to the experts and finding out more information and connecting with other people. All of that exists. But how do we listen from the context of this is happening for me, and I trust that there is a lesson here, and I trust that there is growth and learning here, inside of this shit storm, there's something here, like what happens when we come from that place? How does that open up our experience? How does that open up our possibility around identifying intuition and identifying, you know, not identifying but differentiating between that worried, fearful voice? And the voice of our soul, which I think, you know, our soul remembers, like, Hey, does anybody listen to Carolyn meese or read her books? She wrote a book called sacred contracts, and it's fantastic. And her whole thing is, like prior. I think I've talked about it before on the podcast, but let me just indulge me in listening to this again. But her whole thing is, prior to this physical life, this life experience, our soul sat down at the table and said, I want this big life lesson, and all the souls that love us sat down and said, okay, great, here's how I'm going to here's who I'm going to be in your life to contribute to that life lesson, right? And some of those relationships, like the heart, you know, the hardest relationships are the ones that we learn from, right? So what if we can see those people, those significant relationships in our life, whether it was with our parents or our past partners or current partners or children or friends who perhaps it feels like, yeah, they screwed me right, or they were this or that, or we have opinions like, what if we can start to see those relationships as actual stepping stones towards that life lesson that our soul showed up to learn. I know it's a big ask, but it makes sense to me. It inspires me and like right now, I'm in a really feel good, hopeful place, like today is a good day. I feel like we're gaining some momentum on some things, nothing's really been solved. However, today feels like a really hopeful day, and it's easy on a day like today to say, You know what, my soul, my soul is here for the lesson and my child loves me so much, her soul loves me so much that the she's showing up inside of her experience to teach me. And I sat down at her table too, by the way, when her soul said, this is the lesson I want, my soul said right back at you, girl, I'll be your mom. And I do believe that we made an agreement prior to these physical bodies to ride this out together, right? Ride this out together and be who we need to be for each other, even when it's super freaking hard to be that person, right? I was told not too long ago, maybe even yesterday, that I was ruining our family, that I was breaking apart our family, and those are some really intense words. I have history with those words. It was intense moment to hear that, and I got to be in really unapologetic, loving resolve inside of the conversation that I was having with my daughter in that moment and

and that's super, super powerful, right? We, you know, when we talk about. Positive Discipline. We talk about that kindness and firmness, kindness and firmness at the same time. And I'll be totally honest with you, firmness is not my I'm not very good at firm. Turns out, I'm great at relationship. I'm great at connection when it comes time to be firm, I'm not I'm not that great at it. And lately, you know, lately, the situation at hand has required me to step into a new level of firmness, and remembering too, firmness is, I can be mean, I can be a bitch to my kids, but that's not what I'm talking about. That's not, that's not kind and firm, that's like, usually a flipped lid, you know, aggravated, controlling. I can do that. But as far as that unapologetic loving resolve that's new territory for me, and I'm really getting the opportunity to practice that right now in our current parenting challenge, and it is hard and it's unfamiliar and it feels wobbly, and it's 100% what is required for right now. So and I know that, I trust that in my gut, and I wake up in the morning and I want to go right back to bed, I want to dream away this whole period of time and just not deal with it. But guess what? It's still here, even if I am turning a blind eye, and ultimately, my child's health and well being is the most important thing to me. So, yeah, I have no idea what I'm going to call this podcast episode, because it's just a total ramble I would love to share

here. As I wrap up, I would love to share I've gotten a couple of reviews on Apple iTunes, so let me just find those. I'll be right back. Okay, so here are the reviews that I want to share, because y'all know, reviews of the podcast are super helpful. It means that the show comes up more often for people that are searching for podcasts. And you know, I'm sure that you I read reviews when I'm looking at a new show, I want to know what I'm getting into. So always really appreciate the feedback through the review process. Thank you. From october 28 I got a review from bomb five, real and relatable. Thank you for creating this avenue of growth and community. Your real, honest and relatable content is life changing. I feel empowered by the tools and insights you share. Thank you for helping me see myself and my kids in a brighter, more personal and authentic way. Your solo shows are always my favorite. I can't wait for the audio version of your book to come out. It's out. Sharing your talent and passion is making a difference in my life, for sure. Thank you so much for that review. I got another review on november 5. I'm not gonna say who it's from, because it looks like it's just a whole hodgepodge of letters. Um, although I'm not a new listener, I've been an infrequent listener to all podcasts in general, but I'm an even bigger fan of Casey's after the last few episodes that I've listened to, no matter where you are on, no matter where you are on your journey in parenting, Casey meets you right where you're at. There's wisdom, pain, laughter and resilience woven in throughout the content, as well as personal sharing that Casey does, making these podcasts relatable and relevant. That was a five star review. And then finally, November 6, from my friend Yolanda, who is going to be a guest on the show soon. She just started a new podcast called parenting decolonized, and it's a positive parenting, conscious parenting podcast for African American families and parents, and it's just big learning and education for all of us white people. I'm loving listening to Yolanda's content. It is just super powerful. I can't wait to have her come on. She wrote in Casey is an ally in so many ways. I first learned about joyful courage when I searched for positive parenting podcasts, and the episode I listened to centered around white fragility, I was super excited and also impressed, because I know that episode probably cost her some listeners, yet she did it anyway. Casey's insights on parenting teens has been helpful in dealing with my moody teen niece. I really enjoy this podcast. Thanks. Yolanda, please, if you have a moment, it would mean the world to me for you to leave a rating and a review, a five star rating and a review, let me know. Let everyone know. What do you love about the podcast? I've been getting a lot of emails from you. I'm super grateful that you're willing to reach out to me. Thank you for letting me know that my content is making a difference in your life. You know that's why I share. I just feel like in a world where everything is so glossy and glamorized and filtered, I think it's really important that we're doing the work of sharing our pain and sharing our suffering and sharing our resilience and sharing our confusion and sharing our you know that just that feeling of uncertainty, because It's a lot more prevalent. It's a lot more, I think that more of us are having this experience than than are letting on. And so if you're not ready to share with your people about your experience right now with parenting, that's okay. You don't have to. I hope that you feel some connection and and like you feel seen through my sharing. And I'm a, I'm a, I process out loud, clearly, so I will do some processing for any of you any day. But I'm loving your emails. Thank you for emailing. If you're not already on the mailing list. You can go to joyful courage.com/join and also, if you're interested, I do have a patreon group. It's it's $5 a month. It's a private group on Facebook. And every Monday, I show up there, and I do, I respond to people's questions, I share a little bit more about my own personal journey, but it's, it's a really sweet little group, and it's not a lot of investment. It's a great way to give back to the podcast, $5 a month. I mean, you could give me more than that if you wanted, but to be in the group, it's $5 a month. And I just, I love this community. I'm so grateful for the ways that you show up for me and for each other. I feel really held and seen. So thank you. It's, it's something pretty special that we have here. So if you want to check out the Patreon situation, go to www dot Patreon, P, A, T, R, E, o, n.com/joyful, courage, and you can find out more, and you can sign up to be a part of that sweet little community. All right, I've done it again almost 25 minutes of me talking off the cuff. Thank you. I hope it didn't feel too disjointed. I hope that you were feeling, feeling your feelings. I like to take you on an emotional journey. I like for you to feel like you have a takeaway. I just invite you in your own practice, to really tune into your intuition, to your gut. Know that you are the expert on your child, and it's okay to ask for help. And you know what? It's okay to stay in bed sometimes too. I love, love, love you all, and I'll be back soon. Hey, yay. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. I so appreciate every single one of you and the ways that you show up for joyful courage. Thank you. And did you know there are ways that you can give back? I have a Patreon page, which is a place where you basically can donate one five or $10 towards the sustainability of the program, and just as a way to say thank you, and you can check that out at patreon.com/joyful, courage. That's www dot P, A, T, R, E, O n.com/joyful, courage. I have some benefits and bonuses for people that are in my Patreon community. You can also let me know what you think by heading on over to Apple podcasts, leaving me a five star rating and a review. I love to read the reviews on air, so whenever I get a new review, I share it, and it really just helps me know what you love about this podcast, what is landing for you what is useful, like I mentioned at the top, I am active on Instagram and Facebook, both places you can find me at joyful courage and please know that you're always welcome to join into my Facebook groups. Live in love with joyful courage as well as joyful courage. I. Parents of teens, yes, yes, yes, yes. We're back in the weekly mode, so I'll be back next week. Can't wait to have you listen again until then, take a deep breath. Follow it into your body. Take a moment to notice what's currently alive for you, imagine that you can take the balcony seat for a higher perspective of whatever is currently going on in your life and trust that everyone's going to be okay.