Eps 215: The Power of Showing up With Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson

Episode 215

Today’s guests are Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson. Dan is an internationally acclaimed author, award winning educator and child psychiatrist. He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co investigator at the Center For Culture, Brain And Development, and co director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. Dan co authored some of our favorite parenting books, including The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. With the other guest joining us today, he also wrote Brainstorm: The Bible for Parents of Teens, Parenting From The Inside Out and Aware, which came out the summer of 2018 and he came on to discuss that book with me.

Dr. Tina Bryson is the other guest that we get to hear from today. She is the co author with Dan Segal of three New York Times bestsellers soon to be four and is the Executive Director of the Center for Connection in Pasadena, California. Tina is also a pediatric and adolescent, psychotherapist, she keynotes conferences, and conducts workshops for parents, educators and clinicians all over the world. There is so much more I could add to the bios of both of these guests I could truly go on and on. They’re here today to share about their latest book, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become, and How Their Brains get Wired.  Join us!

“One of the best ways for us to predict how well a kid turns out is by looking at this research from decades and decades and across many cultures that says that the way a parent shows up and whether the degree to which they provide secure attachment relationships, that this is a huge predictor for how well kids turn out on many things that we measure them on.”

“The science of attachment is so powerful.” 

“No matter what happened to you as a parent, how you come to make sense of what happened to allows you to be present.”

“The brain wires based on the kinds of experiences we have.”

“Every child is different. Every parent is different, every situation is different. And the key is really more about being present and attuning.”

“What your child needs most from you is to show up.”

 “The messiness, the disconnection, the inevitable ruptures. That’s a part of life. The fact that there are ruptures doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re human.”

“You can always begin again, knowing the direction you want to take.”

“If we can show up in that moment, and help the other person feel safe and seen and sued. That’s always the right answer.”

 “It’s about helping the child know, at the end of the day, that if something goes wrong, if they are in distress, if they have a need, we will see it, and we will show up for them flawed, not perfect.” 

“This science is full of hope.”

“It isn’t about perfection, it’s about presence”

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Takeaways from the show

  • Secure attachment as a predictor of future success
  • The Power of Showing Up
  • What parents need to understand about attachment
  • Does attachment involve just one attachment figure?
  • The different ways parents can show up
  • What attachment teaches kids
  • The science of attachment and how it applies to everyday life
  • Mutual belonging and connection
  • How experiences wire the brain
  • Showing up for ourselves
  • The value of a coherent narrative
  • The 4 S’s
  • Repairing ruptures
  • What conflict can teach
  • What the 4 S’s look like in action
  • The difference between fostering attachment and being permissive
  • Predictability as safety
  • Expanding the container of consciousness and the window of tolerance
  • Experiences with attachment across generations
  • The ongoing opportunity for development
  • Paths of Hope and where they lead
  • Why parents need people to show up for us too
  • Aiming for presence, not perfection
  • Self as embodied and relational
  • Learning to tolerate uncertainty

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