Eps 218: SOLO SHOW Revisiting the power of the 3Bs

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Interviewed for the positive parenting conference by Sumitha Bhandarkar from afineparent.com and she wanted to interview me about my book – fun to remember that I wrote a book!

Deep dove into the three Bs.


Then last night I had my first of 6 live parenting classes here in Bellingham.

Being vs doing

Theory, belonging and significance

Power of perceptions

Humans are social beings – everything in the context of relationship


  • why is it important to keep in mind?

    • HALT

    • Problem we see is a solution/response to a problem we don’t know about

    • Mistaken beliefs about self/others/world

  • Why is it hard to remember to consider the iceberg?



At the tip of our iceberg is our emotional/instinctive response to the behavior we are seeing right?

And what is under the surface?????

  • HALT!!

  • Feelings of defeat and beat up about mistakes we made…

  • Conditioning/baggage from our own experiences

Ahhhhh – so many icebergs!!

So we are wired to connect….  And remember what Dan and Tina shared in EPS 215 — the four s’s – seen, safe, soothed, secure. THIS IS WHAT OUR KIDS NEED, and isn’t it what we need too?

  • We get to learn to offer this up to ourselves

Back to the three Bs – this is one tool to support us in creating the four S’s for ourselves, so that we can then offer them up for our kids – show up better, attuned, connected, loving.

Lets play with the 3 Bs…. I am going to guide you through them, while also explaining deeper the purpose and power of each B….


The breath is an tool that directly effects the nervous system – and when we are in fight or flight, you can bet our nervous system is working overtime -rapid heart beat, tension, we are full of adrenaline…

Attending to breath allows for a settling in…. a slowing down… an opening….


Riding the breath into the body in search of any leftover tension….  Allow the breath to soften the body, the small muscles in the face, the neck, the shoulders….

We want to soften the body, open the body so that we can soften and open the mind….


Once you feel yourself soften, find your balcony seat, imagine that you can lift up and out of your body and look down at your experience, as if you are watching a show from a balcony seat – you are accessing your outside observer. The part of yourself that is separate from your experience, knowing that you are having an experience…

From this place, this outside observer place, look at yourself through the lens of compassion, through the lens of love….  What is happening under your iceberg? Can you be a nonjudgmental observer? What happens when you get curious about your experience….?

Breath body balcony – the 3 Bs.

This is a practice. One that becomes useful when we choose into it over and over again. It becomes useful when we become familiar with it.

We have to practice.

This is a tool that is useful in the heat of the moment, if we’ve practiced.

So here is your homework – and shout out to any of my BTC parents who are listening in, this is their homework this week too:

Set some alarms/reminders on your phone.

  • 3/day

  • Do the practice when you are prompted

    • Work, grocery store, bedtime…..

  • Do the practice intentionally


Adolescent Mental Health Mini Summit

February 3rd – February 7th – 5 interviews over 5 days to deep dive into some of the mental health challenges that are showing up with teens.

There is a lot happening right now for teens, and it can feel scary. When mental health challenges show up in our family, we tend to isolate ourselves, adding to the stress of what we are going through.

I created this mini summit for parents with teens who are having a hard time, AND for their friends, family and supporters. Lifting the understanding of the entire VILLAGE makes a huge impact on the individual. Get yourself registered now!



PATREON – Joyful Courage Super FAM

For $5/month Joyful Courage Super FAM patrons get to be a part of a sweet little private FB community where I show up every Monday for a Q and A, and beginning in January 2020, I will be showing up every FRIDAY to tease apart the weekly podcast episode. You want to be a part of this – it is a fabulous way to give back.

Go to www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage



Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you!!!!


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