Eps 228: SOLO SHOW Living Inside of Uncertainty

Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Down. Hello and welcome. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place where we tease apart what it means to be a conscious parent and aren't afraid of getting super messy with it. I'm your host, Casey awardee, positive discipline trainer, parent coach, and in the trenches of the parenting journey with my own two teenagers, each week, I come at you with a solo show or an interview. You can be sure that the guests on the podcast have something important to say, and I am honored to have you listen in as I pick their brains about what it is that they are passionate about. If you are a parent looking to grow while walking the path of parenting. If you're open to learning new things, if your relationship with yourself and your kids is something you are interested in diving deeper into, then this is the place for you. After you listen, I would love to hear from you. Head over to iTunes and leave a five star review, letting others know what you love about the show, or feel free to shoot me an email at [email protected], I love hearing from listeners, and am always quick to respond if you want to be sure not to miss any of the happenings going on with joyful courage. Join my list. You'll stay updated on the podcast and events that are happening for parents, both online and live, you can join the list at WWW dot joyful courage.com/join. Yay. So glad you're here. Enjoy the show. Hey,

hey listeners, hey everybody. I am coming to you at the solo show today, and it's going to be pretty free form. I don't know if you can tell by the sound, but I'm not at home. I don't have my usual equipment, so bear with the sound. I know that you'll be forgiving that it's not perfect, but I just want to come in and talk a little bit this week just about how we're all doing. And you know, being with uncertainty. My family had some is currently inside of some pretty big uncertainty with the health of my husband. And I'm not going to go into detail with you about that, but it's, you know, it's, it's been really interesting. And I feel like the last couple of weeks, I know I've mentioned, I think I've mentioned here on the podcast. I've definitely mentioned it on some of my webinars and in my Facebook groups and Patreon community, that I've been following the teachings of Dr Shefali, and I've been a part of her group. Super Powered, super powered. I think it's called like anxiety into resiliency. And every day, she comes in and leads a talk and a meditation, and really focuses on being in the present moment, being with uncertainty. Interestingly enough, she talks about the train, which I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna decide that she must have read my book, right? But read my book and heard my metaphor. I'm sure that I didn't invent the train metaphor, but it tickles me that she talks about, you know, how the train pulls in the station and and that you know the train, that train that I write about in my book, it can pull us into deep fear and worry and anxiety. And I feel like, you know, right now the world is primed. The world is primed for the train of anxiety to show up. And so she really talks a lot about, you know, uncertainty, and that all we have is the present moment. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. We don't know what's going to happen an hour from now. All we have is right here, right now. And what do we want to create in this moment? What do we want to create in this moment? And I mentioned this in a Facebook Live that I did yesterday in the joyful courage for parents of teens group, but I think that I just want to acknowledge, like we're having this collective experience globally, right? This coronavirus thing is a global collective experience which is so crazy, right? It's so weird and crazy, and yet, there are fine details that you know that are variances for all of us. You know, we're some of us are dealing with layoffs and lack of work, and then inside of that, some of us can get unemployment. Some of us can't get assistance. You. Know, some of us are living with or worried about people who are high risk, right? High risk people to be exposed to coronavirus. Some of us, you know, our living space might be really small and really cramped. Some of us are home with babies, right? Some of us have partners and people we love that are on the front lines and walking into the pandemic every day to help others, some of us live and love teens and kids that already have some mental health challenges. I will update you on my girl because I've talked about her so much on the podcast. She is actually thriving. So it seems so far, she's really just, you know, the work that she's done in the last six months around her own mental health, and, you know, I think the pressure of not having to go out in the world and hunkering down and being at home like she's doing really well. And I know that's not the story for everybody. And, you know, and some of us are living with kids that are navigating their underlying stress in ways that are really hard to be with, right? Young kids, teenagers, you know, you've probably by now seen my image of the iceberg, right, and how the behaviors that we're seeing are being fueled by this underlying feeling of powerlessness and insecurity. And I think that I talked about this a couple weeks ago, I don't feel like I can come in and do a solo show and not talk about what's currently happening in the world. So that's what I'm going to do. And if you're over it, if you're done with hearing about coronavirus, you know, you can, you can skip this show, but I think it's really important just to feel like somebody gets you and sees you, and that's, you know, that's my goal here. Because, like I said, not only you know and why I started talking about Dr Shefali, you know, she's graciously and generously been pouring out into her community, and I've been graciously accepting her teachings and really taking them to heart and practicing the meditations and really working with being in the present moment and not letting the fear and worry that is absolutely in the room with me. You know, fear and worry is here. What fear and worry is not, is it's not taking the driver's seat. It's not taking over. And I've had moments, of course, where, you know, I can feel that wobble, and I let it be, I let the fear, I let myself feel the fear, I let myself feel the worry. And I'm really present to the fact that uncertainty means that there are a lot of possible outcomes. Uncertainty means that there's a lot of possible outcomes. And we humans, man, we like to get sucked right into the worst case scenario,

the worst case scenario and and I think it's a powerful reminder that there are a lot of a lot of possible outcomes and interesting Lee, as I've been following Dr Shefali, and, you know, inside of our own family, watching some health stuff come up for my husband, which I've mentioned, you know that he lives with chronic pain? Well, you know, it's just kind of come to a head. And and I'm like, in the at ground zero of of of possible outcomes and, and really finding that the practice that I've been gaging in so actively through Shefali work, you know, as well as my own work that you know I talk about a lot with all of you and with my clients. It's really supporting me and being with the right here right now of our family situation so and I share this because I want to I want you to feel inspired. I want you to feel empowered. I want you to remember that there are a lot of possible outcomes, and whatever you're feeling right now is okay, if you're feeling overwhelmed, if you're feeling worried, if you're feeling calm, if you're feeling an acceptance, like all of it is okay, and all of it, you know, is temporary. So it's interesting. I think what I've noticed, and what I've seen is how triggered people are becoming by different things. You know, there's, you know, those optimistic posts of and I even I engaged in that. I A couple days ago, in my personal profile on Facebook, I said, Hey, what are you going to create with your time today? And I got a lot of people responding. And then I saw somewhere else. I've seen posts where it's like, how about we stop, you know, with the encouragement around like, how are you going to make the best of this situation? And immediately I went into my own like, oh shit. And I am I triggering people, but I think that even creating calm, like it doesn't have to be well, I created, I built a entire backyard garden, or I've, you know, started an add on on my home. I think when the question is, what are you going to create? Are you going to create some lightness? Are you going to create some humor. Are you going to create a space where you can just go and be with your fear? Are you going to create self care in a way that's going to support you and getting through the rest of the day right? Are you going to create a space for your kids to fall apart? Are you going to create an opportunity to connect with your neighbor. Are you going to create an opportunity to take a nap? You know? I mean, it doesn't have to be this, like mass productive in the traditional sense of the word productive, right? It can also just be being conscious of the fact that we are always in creation, I think, right? And we're either, you know, creating, we're either, and, you know, sometimes it's intentional or, and sometimes it's unintentional, but it's always happening. We're always in our being. We're always in our being. And sometimes it's intentional. Sometimes we sit down and we say, Okay, I'm going to invite in some lightness. I'm going to invite in some gratitude. I'm going to take the time to be aware of my present moment and aware of my body and aware of what is currently happening for me. I think when we do that, it's like we're generating also that outside observer who is bearing witness to our experience. And then there's those times where we're not consciously creating, we're just in reactivity. We're in, you know, we're just kind of like, you know, leafs in the wind. We're on the train. We're unconscious around what it is that we're feeling and being inside of our body. The observer is not around, and that's okay. I mean, we all, you know, none of us are in our consciousness 100% of the time, right? None of us, not me, not you, not Dr Shefali, not the friggin Dalai Lama. We all are humans. We're having a spiritual experience inside of this human experience. And so I just encourage you, you know, to be with whatever's with you right now, and to create some space so that you can be in conscious awareness more of the time, so that you can recognize, Oh, yep, here it is. I'm really leaning into my overwhelm right now, because, guess what, if you're overwhelmed and then you're spinning out about being overwhelmed, it's not useful. It's not helpful, right? So in your lucid moments, right? If you're listening to this and and you're recognizing, yeah, that's, this is what happens to me. You know, I invite you to make a list, make a list of things that will support you in being with your overwhelm in a way that doesn't add to your overwhelm. You know, what does it feel like to let the overwhelm run through you? What if we give ourselves space and time to allow fear and worry and recognizing and it might be a matter of kind of looking back and remembering, like, oh yeah, I remember that one time, or those many times where I was feeling really low, I was feeling really down, I was feeling really scared, and I was able to move through it because I was able to move through it by and what was it? What is it that helps you? Is it phoning a friend? Is it meditation? Is it moving your body taking a walk fresh air. What is it? And engage in those things. Engage in those things when you don't need it. Engage in those things when you do need it and when you don't engage when you're feeling overwhelmed and you're not doing what you know you quote could be, should be doing. Share some like, Be self compassionate. It's okay. You know it's okay. It's okay to fall apart, right? And if you fall apart and you create a mess, you know when you're feeling okay and better? Her go clean up the mess, whether it's a conversation with someone or not. I was driving down to Seattle with my husband, and it was high stress, high fear, just the other night, and he was trying to plug his phone cord into my center console. And I'm a little bit of a pack rat in my car, not terribly, but they're, you know, all the little pockets. And definitely the center console has a variety of things that I just stuff in there. And normally it bugs him. Well, because of our heightened experience driving down into Seattle on Friday night, it really bugged him, and my fuse for handling his irritation was shorter, and so we had one of those little moments of back and forth. And, you know, we had the moment I felt my god damn it fucker, you know, angst, and then I also acknowledge, like, Hey, we are both in, you know, this is that extra stress right now, and let's just try to be kind to each other. I love you, right? And it just felt like a collective exhale for us to be able to acknowledge that. And yes, my center console as a nightmare, and Okay, moving on, right? So that's going to happen. You're going to have those, those moments with your family, where you're going to feel that added irritation, things that are annoying might are going to be kicked up a notch, right? It's going to be a little bit harder to navigate, and that's okay. That's okay. Do your do take care of you and clean up when you need to clean up, right? We're all in this together. We're, it's, it's so much of this is a collective experience. And, you know, and I say this a lot. When you guys listen to the podcast, you've heard me say, you know the never ending personal growth and development workshop that's parenting, well, that's been kicked up a notch, right? We have so many opportunities to be our best self. We have so many opportunities to be in our practice and to grow and look, the universe is like you want opportunity. Here you go. How about a global pandemic? So I see you, and I'm with you, and I request. My request today is some conscious love and healing and energy and light

towards me and my family. You know, I have the opportunity to stand on this podcast stage and speak out to you know, quite a few of you, and so I'm going to take that, I'm going to take advantage of that right now and just request your love and your prayers and your thoughts and your energy and whatever it is for you that you send out when someone you care about is going through something, I request a little bit of that for my family, because we're going through it and and I'm in the present moment, and things are going to be okay. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I have this space to come and speak and share. And you all know I'm an external processor, so that's what I'm doing, big time. I'm externally processing. And the reason that I come and share this personal experience is because it's collective. I

and I know somebody's listening right now, or hopefully many of you that are listening right now are feeling and understanding and and seeing me in my experience and relating, and hopefully seeing me in my experience allows you to be seen and felt in your own experience. But that's what I've got for you today. The only other thing I'll say is that, you know, the show comes out on Tuesday, and so today is Tuesday that you're listening to this, which means that the summit, the sex ed for parents of teen Summit, has started. And I just want to let you know, if you're like, oh shoot, I was going to sign up for that, you still can. You can still sign up at the same link, joyful, courage.com/s, E, M, S, and you will have access to all the interviews. You'll have access to the gorgeous ebook that my team created, and you can sign up all the way up until Sunday, the I have no idea what the date is. The cup this coming, this coming Sunday, April, I don't know what five, seven, April 12, maybe the summit's available all the way until then you can register and get access to the interviews in the book, and then it goes away. So if you're listening right now, go for it. If you're listening right now and you're thinking, how else you might be in support. This is a great way to support joyful courage. The business the podcast, there is a fee related to the summit, and so I've had many of you reach out and ask about that. The other thing I want to tell you about too is my plan is to do weekly webinars on Fridays. I've done it the last two Fridays. They've been free, starting this Friday. I'm going to put a fee to the webinars, but it's going to be a sliding scale so you can decide what you know which fee fits right now for your family, but I'm my plan is to generate content through the groups, finding out what you're talking about, what you're worried about, what's coming up for you in your home, and then putting together webinars to share on Fridays to do live on Fridays that are helpful to what's currently alive in your family. And I often will have people ask about replays. Yes, if you register for the webinar the Friday webinars, you will automatically get sent the replay. So don't worry about that. I love having as many people as possible on live and replays are good too. And don't forget, if you're looking for free resources, I have a ton. This podcast exists as a free resource as

well as the I have a page on my website, joyful courage.com/corona,

and on that page, there's tons of download printables, there's some information around family meetings, including my email course that you can sign up for for free right now, I've pulled workshops that I've done online from the archives, and I've posted them, including the last two Friday workshops are there, so there's a lot of free content there for you. And again, I encourage you to sign up. If you have kids that are 11 or older, you need to sign up for the sex ed for parents of teens mini summit like you just have to your kids need you too. You need to be informed. You need to be ready to have card conversations. I don't I don't know why you wouldn't sign up. So do it? Come join us. We've already started, and that's okay. Come join us. All right. I hope that there is peace in your heart today. I hope that you have time to sit in stillness. I hope that you're feeling connected to the community and to your family. My thoughts are with you. Thank you for being here for me and for my family, and I'm going to be back next week with an interview to share with you so big love. We'll talk soon.

Thank you so much for listening. It is my great honor to create this show for all of you. Big thanks to my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper, for his work in making the podcast sound oh so good. If you're interested in continuing these powerful conversations that start on the podcast, become a patron by heading to www.patreon.com/joyful, courage, that's WWW dot P, A, T, R, e o n.com/joyful, courage. For $5 a month, you will have access to a private Facebook group where I do weekly Facebook lives on Mondays and interview recaps on Fridays. Plus it's a great way to give back to the show that gives you so much be sure to subscribe to the show. Head to Apple podcast, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Google Play wherever you are listening to podcasts, and simply search for the joyful courage podcast and hit that subscribe button. Join our communities on Facebook, the live and love with joyful courage group and the joyful courage of parents of teens groups are both safe, supportive communities of like minded parents walking the path with you. If you're looking for even bigger, deeper support, please consider checking out my coaching offer. Www dot joyful courage.com/coaching is where to go to book a free explore. Call with me and we can see if we're a good fit. I'll be back next week. Can't wait until then. Big Love to you. Remember to find your breath, ride it into your body, take the balcony seat and trust that every. Everything is going to be okay. You.