Eps 235: Solo – Educating ourselves to be better for people of color

Books

Resources

Other podcasts that I would encourage you to subscribe to are:

Parenting Decolonized
Parenting and Politics
Codeswitch

SEEK OUT people to follow and learn from on SM – a few that I appreciate are:

Austin Channing Brown
Rachel Elizabeth Cargle
The Conscious Kid

And of course the people highlighted in the shows above.

Donate

Here are 7 organizations to consider donating to AND I would find out what groups are active in your local area and show your support there as well –

Know Your Rights Camp
Showing Up For Racial Justice
Blackout Collective
NAACP
Black Lives Matter
Minnesota Freedom Fund
ACLU

We can do better people.

And if you want, join me every day for the first 10 days of June at 8amish on the Joyful Courage FB page for a short video supporting us all with living joyful courage in the context of current events.

Love you

::::

Thank you BETTER HELP!

This podcast is sponsored by Better Help – online counseling anytime, anywhere. → www.betterhelp.com/joyfulcourage

*As an affiliate, we may receive compensation from BetterHelp if you purchase products or services through the link above.

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Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Down. Hello and welcome. Welcome to the joyful courage podcast, a place where we tease apart what it means to be a conscious parent and aren't afraid of getting super messy with it. I'm your host, Casey awardee, positive discipline trainer, parent coach, and in the trenches of the parenting journey with my own two teenagers, each week, I come at you with a solo show or an interview. You can be sure that the guests on the podcast have something important to say, and I am honored to have you listen in as I pick their brains about what it is that they are passionate about. If you are a parent looking to grow while walking the path of parenting. If you're open to learning new things, if your relationship with yourself and your kids is something you are interested in diving deeper into, then this is the place for you. After you listen, I would love to hear from you. Head over to iTunes and leave a five star review, letting others know what you love about the show, or feel free to shoot me an email at [email protected], I love hearing from listeners, and am always quick to respond if you want to be sure not to miss any of the happenings going on with joyful courage. Join my list. You'll stay updated on the podcast and events that are happening for parents, both online and live. You can join the list at WWW dot joyful courage.com/join. Yay. So glad you're here. Enjoy the show. Hi, Hi, friends. Hi. It's Wednesday. Here I am. Today's show's not going to be terribly long, and I know that my friends over in the joyful courage for parents of teens group were promised something today on chores and allowance, but that's going to have to wait a few weeks, because I can't create content this week without being in the context of what is currently alive in our country. Those of you that live in the United States, I have a heavy heart. I have a heavy heart for the state of the world. And even as I say that, you know, for so many of us, we have the luxury of having a heavy heart this week, or when racial injustice comes into our into our vision. And I just want to acknowledge that people of color live with heavy hearts each and every day. It is their reality. So I want to just highlight a few things, because I am someone with an audience that is largely white women. I am a white woman, I'm going to step into this opportunity to share some thoughts and steps to be better, because that's what my work is all about. You hear me talk about joyful courage as an opportunity to grow right, embracing opportunities to grow and to learn and to be better, even when it's messy. Normally, that's in the context of parenting, but really, truly, you know, I'm talking about growing as humans, right? So, like I said, I'm heartsick over here as I reach out to my friends who are people of color, letting them know that I see them and I stand with them, and full transparency, I agonize over what to say. I am heart sick all the time when I think about the conversations that those people that I love, my friends, even people I don't know, people of color that I don't know, the conversations that they need to have with their children that I will never need to have with my children because of the color of their skin. I am heartsick when I consider the fear that they hold every single time their partner or child leaves the house. And you know, enough, just enough. We're seeing that. We're seeing that on the streets, that our country is saying, e NAF, enough. I was in college in 1992 when the Rodney King event beating happened, I was listening to a podcast recently about it and how somebody had thought to capture it on their home video camera. Otherwise, would we have known? Would any. Of justice have shown like what would have happened, you know, and now we have cameras that capture horrific acts of violence against people of color, and justice is still a bit tentative. And what about all of the acts of injustice that happen to people of color that don't get captured on a camera. This is where my my chest gets really tight, and I start to feel really helpless and powerless and shame. And white women, we have so much power. We have so much power. And sisters, my invitation here is to invite you into your own continued learning about your power, about your implicit bias and about the race, the racist conditioning that continues to lead us through a system that is designed to lift up only some and when I say racist conditioning, I don't mean that we were all raised with parents who were blatantly racist. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fact that I didn't, I didn't have any black dolls. I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't tuned in to black culture, or really, any other culture other than the one that I was living inside of. Right? My white bubble and again, full transparency and authenticity. I haven't really done too much as my children, especially the early years, there wasn't a, I mean, I had a couple books on diversity, but I didn't feel super pulled towards making sure that their world was diverse. And so I'm part of the problem. You know, I'm part of the problem. And we live in a in a town, in a city that's largely white, and they've always lived in cities that are largely white, and, yeah, just doing my own work, like not coming to you as an expert, not coming to you as someone who's saying, Well, do what I do, because I'm doing it. Quote, right? I'm coming to you as a fellow Walker on the path of being better and recognizing where, you know, we've made mistakes and we've been a part of the problem, right? And, you know, where do we start? You know? How do we start? What do we do? How do we carry on as as white women with power, who are learning about our own bias, who are learning about and and peeling back the layers of where we've been a part of the problem. What do we do? It's super uncomfortable. And I know, and you've probably heard me say this in some of my interviews and some of my shows, because this isn't the first time I'm bringing this up. We don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I get awkward, right? I don't want to add to the hurt and the microaggressions with my unintentional ignorance and doing nothing and and saying nothing is not okay. We're done with that. We've moved past that. Okay. Can we all agree to that like it's time to speak up, to stand up, to learn to be corrected when we get it wrong and take it with humility. Oh my gosh.

This is hard one right? Like, yeah, we get to be uncomfortable. Because, guess what? The black people in this country have been uncomfortable since the beginning. Right? They've been beaten down and silenced and abused and enslaved. They showed up, enslaved, ridiculed, traumatized, raped, and so much more since the beginning of this country. So we white, sisters and brothers, we get to be in the growing pain of learning to do better, because it is nothing compared to what people of color endure and have endured every day. So okay, I have a few places to start. Oh, but before I go on, I just want to say if you're feeling triggered, if you're feeling like, why is she talking about this? This is not why I tune into this show. I just invite you to go inside and and do some soul searching, because just like you know, we talk about our kids when they trigger us. They're really triggering something, you know, our own trauma and our own conditioning. It's not really about our kids behavior. So if you're feeling triggered by me talking about this right now, it's not about me. So what do you have to learn here? What can you be curious about? Here's a few places that I want you to start that, I invite you to start doing this work. Three podcasts that I shared on my social media over the last week that are conversations that I've had on this show, and I think they're good examples of me and my own discomfort, trying to not be a jackass in the conversation. So early on, I'd had a conversation with a guy named Jason frilo from kids and race. He's from Seattle, and he and I discussed the role of parenting in dismantling racism, understanding white privilege and so much more. Jason is, like I said, active in Seattle, and he creates programs for parents and kids that cultivate socially responsible and culturally aware children. You can listen to that show. It's episode 78 at joyful courage.com/podcast/seventy, eight last year, I believe it was last year I had a conversation with Daniel Slaughter from Mama demicks. I was intrigued by an article she wrote called The most dangerous people in America are white women. She is the mom of two boys, and she's an academic. She's brilliant. She writes a beruti Honest blog called Mama demics, and offers powerful courses through her site, raising an advocate. You can follow her, learn from her, support her work, and listen to my conversation with her episode 151 at joyful courage.com/podcast/one 51 and most recently, just this spring, I invited my friend Yolanda Williams onto the podcast to discuss her work with parenting decolonized podcasts. She has a show and her she has a powerful group for black families working towards conscious parenting, called conscious parenting time. Yolanda is a powerhouse in the intersection of race and parenting in America. I am so grateful for her. I'm so grateful for her holding space for me to be in my whiteness and awkwardness. So Yolanda, if you're listening to this, thank you. I really, really appreciate you. Follow her, Listen to her and listen to that conversation. It's episode 223 at joyful courage.com/podcast/two, 23 and if you like me, love consuming content through audio, multitasking at its best, here are the two books that I am currently working through. One is called white fragility. Why it's so hard for white people to talk about racism by Robin D'Angelo. And the other one is so you want to talk about race by ijoma ALU, and you I'm just going to own that. You may have heard me bring up these titles before, and so you might be thinking, Wait, you've talked about these before, and you're still working through them, and I'm just going to own that. Yes, I am, it's, it's heavy reading, and I am imperfect. And I'm thinking about doing a book club for all of us too, but more on that. Another time. There are so many other books out there as well. Do your research. If you want to jump onto my personal Facebook page. Casey overdy, I will make, I have a couple posts that I will make global so that you super public, so that you can see there's a couple of articles that have been written with amazing resources, as far as books to consume. Other podcasts that I would encourage you to subscribe to and listen to are Yolanda's show, parenting decolonized. What I love about parenting decolonized is while her you know, she's speaking to black parents and she's speaking to black families as a white listener, my lens, my perspective, grows as I learn about the ways that parenting has been colonized. Just for people of color in our country, in ways that I just didn't, you know, it's just not on my radar. I didn't know I am from, you know, I am a descendant of the colonizers. So I love listening to Yolanda's show. Another show is parenting and politics. She the host of that show, just covers really important topics. She's an activist. It's a great place to go and listen and learn and grow. And finally, a show that I really appreciate is called code switch. It's a bigger show. It's through NPR. And again, it's really all about culture and race and gender and all of the ways that those things intersect. Great place to learn and grow your perspective and please seek out black voices on social media. Seek them out, find them. You know, use hashtags to help you locate some people that are doing the work of sharing and educating and quietly listen, right? Quietly listen and ponder and be curious. And when there's something that you don't understand or a reference that you that isn't familiar to you, Google it, right? One thing that's becoming ever more clear to me is we can't expect people of color to educate us white folks on their experience, we've got to do our own research, because it's exhausting for them, right? And if you are going to do that, pay them. Look for courses. Look for offerings. You know, I mentioned Danielle slaughter has courses. Race and kids has courses, seek them out, be a part of supporting the people of color that are doing the work to educate and donate. Oh my gosh, donate. I was just looking up, you know, best places to donate to the cause. And I have an article that I found seven charities that need your donation more than ever right now. So, yeah. So one is called Know Your Rights. Know Your Rights camp, which is a camp established by Colin Kaepernick that serves black and brown communities by way of education, community advocacy and mobilization. Right now, the fund is going where it's most needed. Donations are being used to pay legal defense fees for detained racial justice protesters in Minneapolis, two showing up for racial justice. Two

It's an organization that calls for an inclusive, open hearted approach to organizing, calling people into this work rather than creating barriers to participation. You can join this multiracial, cross class effort to build a more racially just society by donating to their current campaigns. Number three, Blackout Collective is a black led organization working to train its community members to become leaders in the fight for racial justice. They aim to give individuals the skills, expertise and confidence, not to mention the action strategies needed to end anti blackness number four, the NAACP, one of the longest standing and widely recognized civil rights organizations in this country, a donation to the organization supports political, educational, social and economic rights for communities of Color and furthers their mission to combat racial discrimination and hatred. Number five, Black Lives Matter, a highly visible organization with an essential mission to end violence against black communities and eradicate white supremacy, founded in 2013 in response to the tragic shooting of 17 year old Trayvon Martin, their work is just as urgent and relevant today as it was then. Number six, the Minnesota freedom fund organization is currently collaborating with the National Lawyers Guild and legal rights centers to cover bailouts and legal fees for Minnesota protesters. They are also working towards safer conditions and quicker releases for those detained, since jails can quickly become hotbeds for the spread of the coronavirus. And finally, the ACLU, in their words, the ACLU mission is to realize the promise of the United States Constitution for all and expand the reach of its guarantees. In practice, that means they're doing the indispensable work of protecting the inalienable right, the inalienable civil rights of every citizen, join them today in the fight for civil rights. So there's some places to go to donate, if that is something that you can do, and as I was reflecting on those organizations. I also remembered, I have this great friend named Julie Neal. She is the host of the mother's quest podcast, and she is, you know, an ally. She takes allyship to the next level, and she really has held space and given a platform to a lot of different voices. She and I want you to just check out her podcast. I she was a guest on my show. I don't know what episode it was, but she has, you know, she just does so much to share the stories of all people, and it's a great place to go also and get perspective and to learn mother's quest podcast, we can do better. We can do better. And if you want to join me, if you want join me every day for the first 10 days of June, at 8am ish on the joyful courage Facebook page for a short video that supports us all in living joyful courage in the context of current events. So I'm jumping in live on my Facebook page, going through the 10 steps of living with joyful courage in the context of current events. Thank you so much for listening. I love you. I appreciate you, and I know that we can do our part in making this world and our country a place where freedom and justice for all really exists. All right, I'll see you next week. Thank you so much for listening. It is my great honor to create this show for all of you. Big thanks to my producer, Chris Mann at pod shaper, for his work in making the podcast sound oh so good. If you're interested in continuing these powerful conversations that start on the podcast, become a patron by heading to www.patreon.com/joyful courage. That's www dot, P, A, T, R, E, O n.com/joyful, courage. For $5 a month, you will have access to a private Facebook group where I do weekly Facebook lives on Mondays and interview recaps on Fridays. Plus it's a great way to give back to the show that gives you so much. Be sure to subscribe to the show. Head to Apple podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Google Play, wherever you are listening to podcasts, and simply search for the joyful courage podcast and hit that subscribe button. Join our communities on Facebook, the live in love with joyful courage group and the joyful courage of parents of teens groups are both safe, supportive communities of like minded parents walking the path with you. If you're looking for even bigger, deeper support, please consider checking out my coaching offer. Www dot joyful courage.com/coaching. Is where to go to book a free explore. Call with me and we can see if we're a good fit. I'll be back next week. Can't wait until then. Big Love to you. Remember to find your breath, ride it into your body, take the balcony seat and trust that everything is going to be okay.