Eps 250: How to Navigate Parenting In the Shadow Of the Coronavirus with Dr. Jennifer Variste

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Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Music. Hello, friends. Welcome to joyful courage, a place where we tease apart what it means to be a conscious parent and a conscious human on this wild ride of life. I am your host. Casey o'rourdy, positive discipline trainer, parent, coach and Mama, walk in the path right next to you as I imperfectly raise my own two teens, I am so excited to share a brand new interview with you today. I want to acknowledge that this interview was recorded last August, when we were looking at the start of the school year inside of this global pandemic, and now today, we are well into the school year, still in the global pandemic, and navigating the continued unknown of how long our kids will be schooling online, how it feels to consider going back in person and just all the things that are coming up as we navigate the ebb and the flow of covid 19. So while the timing is a bit off, the topics we cover in this interview are still very real and relevant today. I really appreciate the lightness and encouragement that the guest brings to this very important topic. You will also notice that there is something here for everyone, no matter the age of your child. In this interview, I'm really excited about that, so enjoy it. We're all in this together, my friends, wear your mask. Keep up the social distancing. Connect with the community online. We will get through this.

Hi listeners. I am so excited to welcome today's guest. Dr, Jennifer veriste. Dr, ver East's desire for pediatrics began at a very young age because her visits to her pediatrician were usually positive experiences. Later, she fulfilled her dream and obtained her medical degree from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center. She went on to complete a pediatric residency at UT Houston Health Science Center. After residency, she returned to practice in her hometown of college, Station, Texas, Dr veriste is grateful for the five years she spent treating families there, and for the relationships and connections she made. She now practices in spring Texas at Family First pediatrics as a Board Certified pediatrician. Her passion is to empower moms and dads to raise their kids to lead happy, healthy lives full of precious memories and discovery. She does. She desires to create the same positive experiences for her patients that she had with her pediatrician as a young child. I am thrilled to have Dr ver east on today to talk about how to navigate parenting in the shadow of the coronavirus. Hi, Dr ver east, welcome to the podcast.

Dr. Jennifer Variste 3:08
Hi Casey, thank you for having me on. I'm honored. Oh, I'm so

Casey O'Roarty 3:12
glad that you're here to talk about this big topic. Tell us a little bit more about your journey of doing what you what you do, sure.

Dr. Jennifer Variste 3:22
So I wanted to be a pediatrician ever since I was young. Thank God. My visits to the pediatrician were always positive experiences, and I always looked forward to my appointments. And one day, I asked to use the otoscope and then the ophthalmoscope, those tools that the pediatrician uses to check the ears and the eyes, and she actually let me use them. And that's when I decided I was going to grow up with a career where I use those tools on the daily. That's how I decided to become a pediatrician, and I've never looked back awesome.

Casey O'Roarty 4:02
Have there been any personal experiences that drive your personal work to working with families?

Dr. Jennifer Variste 4:08
So when I went into medical school and I was privy to all the other options in healthcare and medicine, I was still attracted to pediatrics because of the continuity, the relationship that you develop with the child and the entire family. And just today, I was reminded of that as I saw a child, and the dad told me that he was a patient of that same clinic when he was growing up, and it's like there's nothing like that maintaining that generational relationship with a family. It's precious, and that's probably the biggest thing that attracted me to pediatrics and has kept me with pediatrics.

Casey O'Roarty 4:50
Yeah? Like you're supporting the whole family, not just a part. Yeah, right.

Dr. Jennifer Variste 4:54
It's that relationship building. Yeah?

Casey O'Roarty 5:05
Well, we're going to get into all you've seen with the 2020, pandemic of covid 19. But as I was writing this interview, I realized that I wanted to make some make sure that something was really clear to listeners. So before we start, I just want to say out loud to you and to everyone that's listening that I am someone who believes this virus is a real thing. I am grateful for the mandated face mask rules. I in no way believe that a small group of super rich, evil people created it to take over the planet, nor do I believe that Bill Gates is looking to control the population with a vaccine. So, yeah, I just want to put that out there. I respect the fact that we all get to have our opinions, and I'm really hopeful that a safe vaccine is available soon, because in our family, it's life or death, we've got some immune compromised members, and it's real, and I know that my family isn't alone with that. So that being said, You've been supporting parents as a pediatrician. What is showing up in your office in response to this global pandemic that we're now over six months into what are you seeing?

Dr. Jennifer Variste 6:22
So we know that the disease, covid, 19, does not cause as severe symptoms in most children, there is a rare inflammatory condition, miski that's extremely rare and it it's like a post infectious, inflammatory condition that affects multiple organs. I have not seen a case myself, but we do know that that is a possibility with children. I have diagnosed children, or I've tested children who were exposed and they have been positive. I've also heard of positive cases where the child was asymptomatic. Usually when I have a positive case, the child had a fever for a few days. They did have loss of taste and smell, maybe a couple of GI symptoms, as well as some malaise. But after, you know, 14 days, they're pretty much in the clear the experience in children is not reflective of, you know, some of the complications that older adults could maybe suffer through if they if they had covid. 19,

Casey O'Roarty 7:36
yeah, I was just listening, so we're recording. It's mid August, and I was just listening today to the radio and heard that there has been a increase in cases of covid 19 in children. And so the idea that kids are immune, we're just gonna, we're just gonna prove that wrong, right here, right now. Yeah,

Dr. Jennifer Variste 8:03
and I don't wanna know when that was ever propagated. Thank that kids have been catching this family of coronavirus for decades, like we've, we've known about the coronavirus family because it causes symptoms of the common cold in kids all the time, and so we know that there are, you know, strains in this family that kids can catch and spread. I think what we have learned, though, is that kids may not be super spreaders, as originally thought, they can definitely spread the virus, but they may not be super spreaders. Okay,

Casey O'Roarty 8:43
even though they're snotty and sneeze everywhere and yeah, take good concussions.

Dr. Jennifer Variste 8:49
Like I said, they can definitely spread the virus, right?

Casey O'Roarty 8:53
Yeah, they can spread the virus, yes. So which is, you know, I mean, as we've all sat around kind of waiting to find out what's happening for school, I know for us, I was our district only made the call last week to go virtual, only there was talk about a hybrid program. And my listeners know that my husband was diagnosed with multiple myeloma last spring, so he's working through his treatments now and this super high risk. Yeah, thank you. We're good, we're good, we're working through it. He's super high risk. And it's scary, right? And I know that we're not the only family, and so I was really dreading telling my super social, you know, son who was getting ready to start high school, you know, sorry, but you have to go virtual. So it was a huge relief when the district said we're actually going to start all virtual. And I know that there's districts all over the country that are making that choice, and I'm just really grateful right now for that. When you see pain. Parents, because often you know, if your clients are what is it? Is it under the do you always see? So at this parents and kids? What's the rules right now? Yeah, so

Dr. Jennifer Variste 10:09
at this point, I'm seeing from birth all the way up until 19 or 20 years old,

Casey O'Roarty 10:14
okay? And as they get older, do you kick the parents out of the room? So

Dr. Jennifer Variste 10:19
even at 14 years old, there's a part of the exam that I do, you know, request to talk to the child privately, because they're not gonna answer me honestly with the parent there. So sure,

Casey O'Roarty 10:31
I know that was so exciting and so annoying, both at the same time when that started happening, but I was glad that they had that space. So when you're talking to parents, what are some of the anxieties that are showing up for parents right now in response to covid 19?

Dr. Jennifer Variste 10:50
So the biggest question I'm receiving is, Should my child be back in school? And what I'm going to share is that the American Academy of Pediatrics is saying that children do learn better in school, and especially at the younger ages, when the social aspect of learning is even more important. But that being said, that decision really is made on a case by case basis. For example, if you have a child who is premature and has underlying respiratory conditions, I'm not going to recommend that they go back to school. On another note, there are children who have maybe behavioral disorders or learning difficulties, maybe ADD or ADHD, where they learn better in a structured environment, and they may be older, and if there's no one else in the home that you know is higher at higher risk for contracted contracting covid 19, for those children, it may be better for them to be at school and learn in a structured environment. So I have been encouraging parents to schedule that well visit with their pediatrician before school starts, so that the pediatrician is probably the best person to speak to about this, because they know the medical history of your child and they can give you a uniquely catered, you know, advice regarding your child's needs and your family's needs, rather than just a general recommendation, not taking account the different needs and different circumstances of each family.

Casey O'Roarty 12:30
So if there are families in parts of the country where maybe kids are going back a couple days a week, some kind of part time schedule, or I know that some private schools are opening their doors. How can parents ensure that their kids stay safe as they enter spaces with a lot of other kids?

Dr. Jennifer Variste 12:50
So one of the things you want to do is try to train your child now to be comfortable wearing a mask and keeping it on. This process is not going to be easy. It's very similar to the process of potty training, but there are different grades. I'm just setting the expectations, but now there are different measures that we can put into place to make it easier. I have a video on my Facebook page that you know suggests some tips for parents on how to help your child be more comfortable with wearing a mask. But there are some ear savers. Some kids really don't like the loops going around their ears, where they really bother some of their loop savers that you can use that bypass the ears. You let the child choose their own fabric. Maybe it has a superhero on them, or maybe it's a blank canvas the child can draw on. And so now it becomes more of them showing off their cool mask and the tool, the cool thing that they made, and then practice keeping the mask on at home. And if you have to do this along with them. That's fine. And so we reward them for maybe keeping the mask on for an hour at home. And so if they can demonstrate at home, they can do it at school, maybe incorporating the mask into their play, where the child can, you know, you know, put the mask on their stuffed animal, and so it's associated with something fun and not something forced on them without their will, that they had nothing to do with and they had no say in. So practicing now can help make that an easier process. From the beginning of the pandemic, we've been recommending that parents, you know, continue to encourage children to wash their hands with soap and water, and so that's something we still want to continue to emphasize. But yeah, I think one of the most important things that parents can do to, you know, help ensure the safety of their child and going back to school is practice keeping the mask on the face so.

Casey O'Roarty 15:00
Yeah, it kind of like breaks my heart to think about, like, let's play with your dolls and your stuffed animal and put their mask on. So weird, such a weird. I feel like we're in a weird, like prequel to every dystopian future movie ever made. Hopefully not, hopefully

Dr. Jennifer Variste 15:18
not. What

Casey O'Roarty 15:21
about older kids? So I'm thinking about, like, middle and high school kids that you know, that whole image thing comes into play. Do you have any tips for parents to without completely freaking them out? Right? I mean, honesty is where we are always really honest with our kids, but I don't really think you know, although, even as I say this, I could have kind of dabbled with this language, but like, people could die, like, keep your mask on. It's that important. You don't want to be the one that exposes somebody and have them, you know, get really, really sick. Do you have any good tips for parents of older kids for necessarily, playing with st animals? Yeah,

Dr. Jennifer Variste 16:09
right. Okay, so for adolescents, one of the first things that you're going to need to do is check yourself as a parent, because they can completely see through like if you're anxious and really worried, they can completely see through you trying to tell them it's going to be okay. Like you need to get to a place yourself where you can calmly talk to them. And when you tell them, you know, I'm here at let me know if you have any questions, we can look it up together. You can say that honestly. And so first, have a conversation. If you have to have like a come to Jesus conversation with yourself, do that first in preparation. The other thing is, yes, thankfully, with adult, with adolescents, you can be more frank about the you know, the this level of importance of the situation and the consequences. You could be more frank about them, but as you do that, you also want to give them to time to process what you're saying. Okay, so they may withdraw a little bit, which is really, really painful to watch, but if they don't have any questions right now, it may be because they're still processing what you have told them, and they haven't processed enough to even formulate questions. So giving them that space, and just letting them know that you're here whenever they need you, and also if they ask a question, giving them resources where they can look at it themselves, because that way, we're empowering them, and we always want to empower our children, no matter what the age or y'all can even look up questions together. So for example, if you are wanting to stay up to date on what the local county is currently regulating, because that changes all the time. Yeah, now having a website that that adolescent can, you know, check on, you know, maybe county updates, that's empowering to that adolescent. And, you know, giving them the, basically, the consequences of their actions, and then allowing them to come to a conclusion also empowers them, because this is a way for your child to think critically and make, you know, develop good decision making skills. So Don't, don't just tell them what to do, tell them the consequences of the different choices that they make, and allow them to come to the decision themselves. So yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 18:47
I love that we talk a lot about that. I'm a positive discipline trainer, and so when we work with parents, we often especially parents of adolescents, we use curiosity questions, so supporting kids and drawing forth what they already know and helping them connect dots. And that's what I'm hearing you say right now. And you know, I think the hardest thing for me and for many parents with teens is just the uncertainty of it all. You know, it's just, you know, the questions of, well, when can I hang out with my friends. When is it going to be back to normal? When can we, you know, go to the mall or go back to the movies? And I find, just for the benefit of the listeners, I you know what I'm doing, that I think is helpful is just really acknowledging how annoying it is that things are so uncertain, you know, like it's really hard. I mean, things were uncertain before, but I think we had a lot more illusions that could convince us that things were a lot more certain. But just being able to be really honest with my kids has been helpful. And. I'm also noticing, like, I like what you said about giving them time to practice, they might not have any questions, because when mine go quiet, I kind of want to probe in there. Like, what are you thinking about? What do you know? Like, you don't have to be scared or, you know. And then just kind of adding to the stress, what do you think about? Because I know for me. And I was thinking about talking to you today and recognizing my own tendency to I listened to the up first NPR app every morning, which is just like a 15 minute quick and dirty news brief. And I was thinking today like, gosh, I'm getting briefed on the coronavirus every day Is this too much? I don't feel I don't think that I'm stressed about it, but I'm wondering if there's more going on under the surface that I'm just not recognizing or or connecting the dots to. Do you what are you seeing with your clients? Like under the surface, kinds of things with the kids that you see and how they're processing this weird, uncertain time.

Dr. Jennifer Variste 21:06
Okay, so a couple of things before I answer that. I did want to reference something you had mentioned about adolescents asking, you know, when can I play with my friends? And asking those questions, they're going to ask those questions. And you can say, you know, at this point, we don't know but what we can do, but what we can do? When would you like to schedule a virtual date with your friends? When would you like to take a hike in the park with one friend you know, like focusing on what they can do doesn't make this situation completely hopeless, okay. And so they may not be able to do this, but we can do this. So just focusing on that. The other Thank you, yeah. The other thing is, yeah. And so in the well visits, there's a part of the exam, like I said, where I asked the parent to step out and I have a private conversation with the adolescent. What I'm seeing is that definitely, since the shutdown, when their schedules have been kind of disrupted and there was no longer structure that they had before, there's problems with sleep, there's increased anxiety, more sedentary activity, as some of the activities, like sports and, you know, camps have been kind of shut down for now, and there's an increase in fatigue. So that's what I'm seeing in the adolescents. In younger children, I'm seeing a little bit of more outbursts, and it's a little harder for parents to pin down some social skills, because they don't really have the peers to compare their child to. We're not doing the play dates. The child has been pulled out of daycare, and they're staying at home with the family, and so they there's no longer that gage that we had before to see, okay, how is my child doing with speech in comparison to their peers? And so that's another reason why the well visit becomes even more important, because we are doing that assessment to make sure they are achieving those social milestones, even though they may not be receiving the same social stimuli that you know before, the circumstances before the pandemic allowed.

Casey O'Roarty 23:26
So if you had if you could hold a microphone and speak to all the parents right now, which you kind of are right now, well, all the parents that listen to my show anyway, what is it most that you want to let them know about this period of time and what you hope they they can take with them and either hold in their heart or implement with their kids. So much do you want to make sure to share? Yeah,

Dr. Jennifer Variste 23:52
I just want to tell every parent out there that you do a great job. You're doing a great job. Most of us don't have a precedent for this, even with the CDC, like there have been, you know, regulations that have been retracted and minds have been changed. And so if the CDC is going through such a confusing process, you as a parent are allowed to, you know, make some decisions and then retract on them. So don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing a great job. The other thing that I wanted to share is that look toward your pediatrician as an ally in this moment, because these are there are many decisions that you'll be making for your family and for your children, and you're going to need help from the experts, and sometimes the general recommendations aren't sufficient for you, so look toward your pediatrician as a friend and ally in this moment to help you make those critical and difficult decisions for your family. But it's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to. Say that you don't know there are resources to help you find the information that you need. Thank

Casey O'Roarty 25:06
you so much. I so appreciate that are do you have any resources in particular that are some of your favorites that you want to send parents to? Any suggestions? Absolutely,

Dr. Jennifer Variste 25:16
there's a lot of junk, if I may online when it comes to pediatric advice, and so I want parents to look toward the American Academy of Pediatrics. There is a website called healthychildren.org that has great information, especially related to the pandemic. If you have questions, you know, parents have asked me about camp. Should I send my child to camp? Should my child go swimming? All of these questions are answered on that website, healthychildren.org I also want to offer my Facebook page, Jennifer verice, MD, every week I do a live that's relevant to you know our situation. I also want to encourage parents to be familiar with their county website here. That's readyharris.org that's usually where local updates regarding the pandemic are posted. So become very familiar with your local county website, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 26:17
well, and I appreciate that, since there's so much craziness coming out of our national leaders now, people every area is going

Dr. Jennifer Variste 26:28
through a different level of cases, a different level of transmission. So you can't really give a general recommendation for the entire country. Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 26:38
I appreciate that. So I always end my interviews with the same question. So now you get to hear it in the context of all of this of parenting in the age of covid 19, what does joyful courage mean to you?

Dr. Jennifer Variste 26:56
Okay, yeah, so right now I feel like parents have to maintain that. It's critical. Now more than ever, as a parent, you are the gatekeeper in your home. And I think you had alluded to this earlier Casey when you mentioned the 15 minute NPR and listening to all of the covid updates. You want to make sure that you maintain a positive environment and a positive atmosphere in your family, and if that listen to that all

Casey O'Roarty 27:27
by myself. Dr verice, I don't make everyone listen to it. Dark Corner. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I

Dr. Jennifer Variste 27:38
wasn't saying that at all, but I'm just saying that, like, if we have to turn off the news for a while and, you know, do something positive as a family, that's fine. If we have to not watch the news and maybe just get our update updates from the local county website, because those are more practical and relevant to us, that's fine too, but you have the courage to stand up for your family make decisions that maintain that positive environment and atmosphere for your family.

Casey O'Roarty 28:09
We're gonna be okay, right? Yes, we're

Dr. Jennifer Variste 28:11
gonna be just fine. Okay, good.

Casey O'Roarty 28:15
Tim, we heard it here, people, we're gonna be okay. We're gonna massive transition, a massive transformation. We're gonna be okay. The kids are gonna be okay. Just stay connected, maintain relationship, even if those teenagers that don't want to come out of their room go take a seat on their bed and just linger. That's what I do. Believe me, my kids love it. Yeah. Oh,

so you mentioned your Facebook page. I'm so excited. I'm going to get on there and watch your lives. Is there anywhere else that you could send people to support you and follow the work that you do? Sure,

Dr. Jennifer Variste 28:53
so I'm on Facebook. I'm on Instagram at JV pediatrics. I'm also practicing at a clinic called Family First pediatrics in spring Texas. So if you'd like to come see me, I'd love to see you. All

Casey O'Roarty 29:09
right, all of my all of my listeners in spring Texas, yay. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It was really lovely to chat with you. Absolutely. It

Dr. Jennifer Variste 29:18
was a pleasure. Thank you.

Casey O'Roarty 29:26
Thank you again, so much for listening to another episode. I so appreciate you and all of the feedback you provide me about how the show is landing for you again, feel free to join our communities on Facebook, we are at live in love with joyful courage, or the joyful courage for parents of teens on Facebook, those are both groups that you can join. They are safe, supportive and compassionate places where we share and support each other on our journeys and again, to remind you it matters so much. When you leave reviews on Apple podcast in the app, leave a review as more and more people search for shows that are meaningful to them, your reviews will get the show in front of new listeners and grow the reach and the community that we all love here at joyful courage, check out joyful courage.com. For those holiday offers. Always so grateful that you choose to listen in and remember when things get tough, find your breath,

ride it into your body, release the tension you find there, climb to the balcony seat and know that everything is gonna be okay, see you next week

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