Eps 631: Revisiting three things that are real in the right here right now

Joyful courage today to me is leaning into trust, connection and acceptance. Especially when I am activated.

Transcription

[00:00:00] Casey O'Roarty: Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Joyful Courage Podcast. This is a place where parents of tweens and teens come to find inspiration, information, and encouragement in the messy terrain of adolescents this season of parenting. Is no joke. And while the details of what we're all moving through might be slightly different, we are indeed having a very collective experience.
[00:00:30] This is a space where we center building, relationship, nurturing life skills, and leaning into our own personal growth and man. The opportunities abound, right. My name is Casey Ody. I am a parent coach, positive discipline lead trainer, and captain of the adolescent ship over at Sprout Bowl. I'm also a speaker and a published author.
[00:00:53] I've been working with parents and families for over 20 years. And continue to navigate my own experience of being a mom with my two young adult kids. I'm so honored that you're here and listening. Please give back to the podcast by sharing it with friends or on social media rate and review us on Apple or Spotify.
[00:01:13] Word of mouth is how we grow. Thank you so, so much. Enjoy the show. Hey everybody. So glad that you are here and listening to what I have in store for you today. So today I'm offering up another replay show. It's a show that I did in 2020. 2020. What a weird year. If you're on my. Email list or in the membership or doing my coaching week this week, or paying attention here in real time on the podcast.
[00:01:48] You may have seen or heard me mention that things are pretty real over here in this current season of life. It's true. Life is. In this moment, all the things. It's all the things. So I am making my life easier in one way that I can, which is mining the archives for shows that I think would be powerful to bring back and share with you all.
[00:02:14] So this show today was episode 253, and in it I was in the throes of considering three things. That I was learning as I moved through life. I referenced my daughter because back in 2020 she was not in school. She'd just gotten her GED and she was looking ahead at esthetician school. This show actually came out the week after my first episode with Rowan, which was episode 2 52.
[00:02:47] It was so good. I talk about what I'm learning through my work at the time. I talk about what I'm learning through caregiving my husband through his first round of cancer treatment. So when this show came out, he was a couple months post stem cell transplant. Remember that? Were you guys around for that?
[00:03:07] Super intense multiple myeloma. Had been in treatment all summer, and then on October 12th, 2020, he had his brand new cleaned up stem cells, put back in his body to do the work of building a new immune system for him. And it was intense. It was intense times. So again. What was I learning through that experience and as I do in all of my shows, I keep it really real and raw, and this conversation, this replay, I think really holds up.
[00:03:41] For today and after listening to this show just now, I had to ask myself my December of 2025 self, right? Five years later, what are three things that I'm learning from life right now? Three things I'm learning as I meet life unfolding in this present moment, and I'm gonna be honest with you right now. My training ground for growth isn't my relationship with my kids, but it is absolutely my relationship with my husband.
[00:04:18] And I know many of you are in long-term partnerships and have been or will be going through the transition of your kids leaving the house. And lemme tell you, it's trippy. It's weird, it's crazy. We are back to the two of us and I realize it's been over a year. I mean, Ian's in his second year of college.
[00:04:39] But we're still finding our way and just like with any other part of life. We can meet it with reaction, we can be kinda leaves in the wind moving through the days without direction, or we can be intentional about creating what we want. And sometimes it takes a big event or experience to kind of jostle us into that intentionality.
[00:05:04] And that is what happened over here. We basically were drop kicked into the work of being intentional about what we want in our relationship. And while this current growth edge can feel stingy at times, I am also in full belief that we are primed Ben and I to create the best era of our marriage yet. So the three things I'm learning from life unfolding right now is one, I have a.
[00:05:34] Badass soul care practice, and when I engage in it daily, I'm better able to hold all that life is offering to me. I'm so grateful for my years of morning routine and the soft landing it provides me to be with the challenges of life. It's a spiritual practice that gives me so much support. So if you are not currently engaging in some kind of daily self care soul care, that really drops into like what's going on with you, what's alive for you, what is your personal growth looking like?
[00:06:13] Like beyond just, yeah, I go to the gym every day or I'm going to get my nails done. But really that deep, intentional work, today's a perfect day to start it. So. Yes, I have a badass soul care practice. That is what I'm learning. About how powerful it is in support of me. The second thing that I'm learning, when I look at the hard things that show up as a gift, as an opportunity, I am better able to move into the space of learning and growing.
[00:06:46] I feel so close to my husband right now. I feel so aligned in our vision of what we wanna create in our marriage. Who we wanna be for each other, and I honestly don't know if we could have gotten to this place, this depth without. The challenge that we're moving through. And finally, number three, I am learning again and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, that my wellbeing is an inside job.
[00:07:16] I get to make choices moment by moment about the energy I wanna bring to my relationship, to myself. I get to choose what I ruminate on, what I let go of. I get to be willing. To lean into better feeling thoughts. To move me into a place of closeness and connection, which is what I want most. So yeah, it's major, you guys, it's major.
[00:07:44] And I am choosing to be in flow rather than in resistance. I am choosing to grow and to look through the lens of what life is offering me, rather than the lens of why is life unfolding this way. I mean, I dabble with that, but that is not my. Primary operating system. I'm choosing to be willing to meet life as it unfolds and create what I want.
[00:08:09] And some days this is really hard work. Some days I get stuck in the loop of despair or stories that are painful. I can get stuck in insecurity and self-doubt, and then I think to myself, okay, case. One baby step. Just a baby step a baby Step towards feeling a little bit better, a baby step towards a little bit more openness, a small shift to move out of angst and into something else.
[00:08:40] Am I willing? Am I willing? So that's what is currently alive for me When I think about three things that I'm learning from life, and I'd love to hear about the three things you're learning through life right now. So let me hear it. Let me hear it. I love you. Enjoy the show. Reach out once it's done and share with me what your thoughts are, what you're moving through, and how I can support.
[00:09:07] All right. All right. Enjoy this replay. Have a beautiful day. Bye.
[00:09:18] So this episode, I'm talking about three things, and I'm gonna say three things a lot in the next little bit. But this morning I got to be a part of a business mastermind and one of the facilitators challenged us to come up with. You know, to declare what are the pillars of your business? What are the pillars of your business?
[00:09:41] What are the pillars of my business? So I've been thinking about this. I'm really proud and honored to continue to support all of you and to look for better ways of supporting you, right? Like that's, I mean, my only agenda is how can I impact more parents? How can I impact more parents? So what are the pillars of my business when I think about that?
[00:10:06] You know, three words that capture the essence of my work of joyful courage. So here's a few ideas. Authenticity, responsibility, connection. Authenticity, responsibility, connection. I feel like what I'm inviting you into as you listen to the podcast, as you coach with me, as you do my programs, is an opportunity for you to discover your most authentic way of being, because I think that's where relationship really.
[00:10:42] Rocks is when people show up in authenticity. I invite you into responsibility, being responsible for yourself, how you show up, what your mindset is, what your lens is, right? Taking responsibility and ownership. Of what you are bringing to the party and connection. It's all about connection, right?
[00:11:06] Connecting to self, connecting to family, connecting to community. So those are my first three pillars. Authenticity, responsibility. Connection. But then I was thinking more and I was like, well, it also could be. Raw, messy and empowering because we like to keep it real in the joyful courage community, right?
[00:11:29] It is flipping messy. I think that this comes up in almost every coaching call and every response I make on social media is that the parenting journey is messy, and that's not an indication that you're bad at it or doing something wrong. It's just messy. And empowering. I want you to feel empowered. I don't wanna like create a big pit for all of us to sit in and feel like there's nothing we can do about what's going on right now.
[00:11:59] I want you and myself and my people to feel empowered. So raw, messy, empowered. But then I was thinking more and I was like, well, what about imperfection? Surrender and relationship as three pillars. Imperfection. I mean, hello. We are imperfect, as are our kids, as is our parenting, as is the life journey.
[00:12:25] Let's celebrate it. Embrace it, not resist it. Surrender to it, right? I love the word surrender. Be with what is. Meet people where they're at. Let go of attachment. Surrender means those things to me. And then relationship, which I kind of cover with the word connection too, relationship. It's all about the relationship we have with ourself, with our family, with the world, right?
[00:12:53] Imperfection, surrender relationship. I'm not really, I love those words. I'm not so sold on those three. And then of course there's breath, body balcony, breath, body balcony, three pillars, I guess. No, I don't know if that's, those are accurate for the pillars of my business. And then I thought about a good friend of mine whose work I have, um, studied and been mentored in.
[00:13:16] My friend Krista Petty Raymer, she talks about I, we all. Because there are some powerful pillars. Are they business pillars? I don't know. Tending to the eye, recognizing I am having a personal experience, an internal experience. I am the only place where something new and different can occur, lives inside of me, and we are in relationship, right?
[00:13:42] How I move and respond to the world ripples and affects and influences the we. And even bigger than that, the, all the community, the space around us. I, we all, I don't know. I would love some help around this. What are the three pillars that you think of when you think of joyful courage as a business? I think that authenticity, responsibility, and connection might be the winner.
[00:14:09] Winner. Chicken dinner. We'll see.
[00:14:20] So I have some other three things that I want to talk to you about today. And the reason I'm talking about three things is something else came up in the mastermind I was in this morning and that was somebody said that we are wired to learn three things. Like our brain loves it when we talk about three things.
[00:14:39] So that's why I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna take the three things and I'm gonna run with the three things. So here's some more. Three things, three things. That Raising teenagers teaches us one. Flexibility is imperative, right? There's big highs and there's big lows, and there's a lot of fear and worry.
[00:15:05] There's a lot of celebration. There's a lot of moments that feel so deeply connected and loving, and a lot of moments that feel disconnected and painful. So one thing that we all get to learn inside of the Raising Teens experience is finding flexibility, finding the ability to bounce back, right? Second thing, things are temporary.
[00:15:33] Now, this took a while for me to learn because when it got dark, it got dark and I thought, this is it. And I know some of you are listening thinking the same thing. This is it. This is where we'll be. We're here forever. Our relationship is over, and man, I do not believe that trust that things are temporary things will feel different later tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.
[00:16:00] Right. That was something that has been so apparent in the unfolding of the show that I did with Rowan. Like, wow, even she was surprised. You hear it in her voice when she shares, like things changed. I'm not riddled with anxiety. She didn't think that would ever happen, that she would be on the other side of it.
[00:16:18] And the third thing that we learn is they know what they want. They know what they want. And I hesitate to say this because. You know, the next little thought in my head is, well, maybe they don't all know what they want, but I think they do. And I think when we can create a environment of safety and respect, mutual respect and trust and connection, they can share what they want from a really authentic place.
[00:16:49] And then there isn't this layer of tension between parent and child. There isn't this barrier of expectation and not wanting to disappoint. I'm learning raising teens that my kids know what they want and I'm gonna let them run with it and trust them.
[00:17:13] Okay. Three things that caregiving my husband through cancer is teaching me. And I know I'm not the only caregiver 'cause you've reached out and shared your stories with me. I'm learning that caregiving is always in motion. Sometimes it's holding on really tight, sometimes it's letting go. Always. It is an intention of being curious about what it is that the other person needs and really deeply listening to them.
[00:17:42] And not assuming. Hmm. Even as I say that, I realize, wow, I could be better at that. Which leads me to the second thing that caregiving my man through his cancer journey is teaching me, which is I'm not a perfect caregiver. You know, I've been keeping this, um, caring Bridge blog about our experience and every couple weeks I write.
[00:18:08] And you know, I share on social and I feel like I try to keep it super real and sometimes I think it comes across as, um. I really like Super Zen through all of this, and I'm not, I don't always set boundaries and then I get resentful for all I have to do and sometimes I kind of a huge bitch and sometimes I am in deep, deep love with the process.
[00:18:43] But perfect is something I am not. The third thing that keeps all of that in check keeps me from really burning out. Although honestly, I'm pretty close to burnout right now. You all, I'm just gonna be authentic and transparent. Burnout is right on the edge in this moment, which is why taking care of myself is non-negotiable.
[00:19:08] I mentioned Elena's interview for the Brave New World Summit. Ugh, I recorded it yesterday and. I, it was the perfect time for me to record it and to have that conversation because I got to get to reflect on how it is that I'm currently taking care of myself. And I gotta tell you, I'm kind of burning the candle on both ends in this moment.
[00:19:32] So taking care of myself, being aware, taking care of myself.
[00:19:42] Yeah. And then kind of connected to that, you know, considering my man is kind of out of Comish three things that finding myself as the family breadwinner is teaching me. One of which is I get to believe in the worth of my work, meaning I get to believe that my work is worthy of the energetic exchange.
[00:20:08] With my audience in this case, it's a financial exchange, right? I get to be paid for what I do. I get to be paid. I think a lot of us in the parent education industry, we put out a lot. There's blogs and podcasts and social media posts and you know, admining, our groups showing up a lot. For free, and I don't ever not want to be in contribution to my community.
[00:20:43] I don't ever want anyone to feel like they can't access what I have to offer because of financial constraints, and it's a lot of work, all of this, right? So I get to really do my own. Discovery around money and asking for money and charging for things and being okay with, I don't know, the pushback, the judgment, I guess.
[00:21:11] I don't know. This is something I am learning in the process. I'm in process of learning this and it's super messy. Um, I'm also learning that I have some issues with putting myself out there and promoting what I'm doing. You know, I. Funny thing in my email server. You know, every week when I write my new broadcast, which by the way, you can join my [email protected] slash join.
[00:21:38] When I send it out, I can see like, okay, this many people have joined your list, this many people have unsubscribed, and it's really hard to see those unsubscribe numbers, even though I know that's okay. I sign up for things all the time and then unsubscribe. It's not. Anything I need to take personally, and there's some work for me to do there.
[00:22:01] And the third thing I'm learning is that I truly trust and believe that my work can support my family. It can pay the mortgage, it can buy the groceries, it can take care of all of our needs. I believe that. I trust that I'm sitting inside of that and I'm bringing that. Into 2021. So think about the people that you follow that you love, and think about all the content that they offer you, and think about ways that you can be in exchange for that content.
[00:22:37] It costs money to run a business and I trust my community and I trust my audience and I trust my work that the value of my work can generate and bring in the income to support my family. Ba. It feels kind of weird saying all that sent all of you.
[00:23:05] Finally three things that 2020 has taught me surrender again and again, and again, and again, and again. Oh my gosh, you guys don't even know. I mean, I'm pretty public with a lot of the things that I've been invited to surrender to this year, and there's things that I haven't shared, so whoa. Again, and again, and again, coming back to that surrender, coming back to the second thing, which is trusting the unfolding.
[00:23:33] I mean, I don't know why things are happening the way they're happening. I don't know why. I don't have to know the why. I can trust that on some energetic level, life is happening for us. There are lessons, there is opportunity. It is blowing up possibility, and maybe I just can't see it in this moment.
[00:23:57] Maybe we just can't see it in this moment. So we get to trust. And finally, the third thing that 2020 is teaching us all is to be with what comes up. You know when you feel mad, feel mad, when you feel sad, feel sad. When you feel overwhelmed, feel overwhelmed. Let it move through you, be with it. Allow it so that you can get to the other side of it and see what's there and learn what you can handle.
[00:24:30] Yeah. Three things, my friends, three things. What do you think about those three things? Um, I share because I know that what lives inside of the person lives inside of the collective. What lives inside of the individual, I should say, lives inside of the collective. Another little tidbit of wisdom I got from my friend Krista, so I know you're learning.
[00:24:55] A ton through all of the things that have played out for you over this last year, the things that are playing out due to the season of life, the season of parenting, the season you're in. I know that things are unfolding for you as well, and we get to decide if we wanna react to it or if we wanna respond to it, if we wanna learn and grow from it, or if we want to.
[00:25:22] You know, cave in and, and create some suffering from it. I realize that it might be hard to hear that because like, screw you Casey, you don't know what I'm going through and maybe I don't. Maybe I do. I know I'm going through my own stuff over here and it's big. And scary and, um, I'm choosing to be with it.
[00:25:47] I'm choosing to trust it. I'm choosing to surrender to it, to learn and to grow and to believe that there are amazing things out there on the horizon. I dunno if the horizon's gonna show up January 1st. Probably not. Maybe April 1st. April Fool's day. Maybe this summer we'll be dancing in the grass and celebrating and listening to live music again.
[00:26:14] Or maybe it'll be a little longer, but whatever the unfolding is, we get to be with it. We get to be intentional with how we be with it, and we get to take care of ourselves through it so that when it gets really dark, we are able to get to the other side and come back to the light. So that's what's on my mind today.
[00:26:39] And tonight, actually it's nighttime and I wanted to share it with you. I hope that you found value. If you did, will you do me a favor and head over to Apple Podcasts and, uh, leave a review. This is so. Special and a great way to be in the exchange of energy. Head over to Apple Podcasts, leave a review. Let people know what it is about this show that keeps you listening, what you like, what's useful.
[00:27:07] That would be awesome. Alright, my friends. Thank you for listening.
[00:27:15] Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to my Sprout partners, Julietta and Alana. Thank you Danielle, for supporting with the show notes as well as Chris Mann and the team at Pod Shaper for all the support with getting the show out there and making it sound good. As I mentioned, sharing is caring. If you're willing to pass on this episode to others or take a few minutes to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, it helps other parents find this useful content.
[00:27:43] Be sure to check out what we have going on for parents of kids of all ages and sign up for our newsletter to stay connected besproutable.com. I see you doing all the things. I believe in you. See you next time.