Eps 622: College Reality Check From My Son

Transcription

[00:00:00] Casey O'Roarty: Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Joyful Courage Podcast. This is a place where parents of tweens and teens come to find inspiration, information, and encouragement. In the messy terrain of adolescents, this season of parenting is no joke. And while the details of what we're all moving through might be slightly different, we are indeed having a very collective experience.
[00:00:30] This is a space where we center building, relationship, nurturing life skills, and leaning into our own personal growth and man. The opportunities abound, right. My name is Casey Ody. I am a parent coach, positive discipline lead trainer, and captain of the adolescent ship over at Sprout Bowl. I'm also a speaker and a published author.
[00:00:53] I've been working with parents and families for over 20 years. And continue to navigate my own experience of being a mom with my two young adult kids. I'm so honored that you're here and listening. Please give back to the podcast by sharing it with friends or on social media rate and review us on Apple or Spotify.
[00:01:13] Word of mouth is how we grow. Thank you so, so much. Enjoy the show. Hey everybody. Before we get into this episode, I just wanna say something that I should have said during the recording, which is Happy Birthday to my baby boy. So you'll hear that my guest today is my son Ian, and we recorded this last Tuesday and Thursday, October 30th was his 20th.
[00:01:45] Birthday, which means I no longer have teenagers. You guys, I have legitimate baby adults and it is so crazy to be here and to say this out loud. So enjoy this conversation that I have with Ian. Um, I did, it was fun to record with him. I'm so grateful that he would be willing to come on and talk with me about his experience of being in college and being on his own.
[00:02:13] And happiest birthday to my little guy who is not little. 6, 6 5 over 200 pounds. My little baby boy birthday boy. Enjoy.
[00:02:29] All right, listeners. Welcome back to the Joyful Courage Podcast. You are in for a tree today. One of my favorite ever returning guests is here, my son Ian. Hi Ian.
[00:02:46] Ian O'Roarty: Hello everyone.
[00:02:48] Casey O'Roarty: Welcome back to the podcast.
[00:02:51] Ian O'Roarty: Thanks for having me.
[00:02:52] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah, totally. So, uh, everyone, most of you follow me and know that Ian is a sophomore in college.
[00:03:01] He's outta state. He's coming to me from his very first apartment and, um, we are gonna talk today. My goal today, and I asked Ian if he'd be willing to do this, was really to ask some questions about. The college student experience in 2025, and I, I do have some specific areas that parents have asked me to focus in on with Ian.
[00:03:29] The biggest request, Ian was talking about communication with parents. Mm-hmm. And so we'll talk about that, but I just wanna know, you know, what your experience has been. I wanna give listeners the opportunity to listen to us. And the way that we banter with each other and just kind of get a window in because you and I are in pretty good contact and you're really open with me, which is awesome.
[00:03:56] And not everybody has that experience with their college kids. And so you're not speaking for all college kids, we know that. But you know, you're gonna give us a window into at least your experience. So thank you so much. For being willing to do this. I really appreciate it. Yeah, of course.
[00:04:14] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:04:15] Casey O'Roarty: Yay. So I wanna start with communication.
[00:04:18] Like I mentioned when I, I reached out to some of the parents that I work with who have kids in college, and I'm like, Hey, I'm gonna talk to Ian. What do you want me to ask him? And every single person that responded was like, please talk to him about communication. So my question to you is, in your experience when you're doing your thing at school, whether you're at home or on campus or out in the world, and you see my name pop up on your phone, whether it's a phone call or a FaceTime or a Snapchat, what goes through your mind?
[00:04:53] Ian O'Roarty: I'm just like. At first I realized how long it's probably been since the last time I talked to you. 'cause like I'm so busy on a day-to-day basis that it kind of slips through the cracks and just like escapes my mind. So it kind of reminds me that, oh yeah, you exist and I wanna talk to you. And it's just, it's a nice reminder.
[00:05:13] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. I mean you are pretty, actually, you're pretty awesome at responding. You're, you know, you answer the phone typically if you can. And I really appreciate that. That is really nice. Um, for my experience. I love it when you answer and even you even answer when you're in like a room full of people like hanging out in your living room.
[00:05:34] And that just feels really, really good. Do you ever see me see my name pop up and think, um, oh God, I can't really deal with this right now?
[00:05:45] Ian O'Roarty: Um, no. Unless I'm, you know, it's like a Friday night. Or something, and I'm with my friends doing other
[00:05:53] Casey O'Roarty: things,
[00:05:54] Ian O'Roarty: doing other things that I'm a little preoccupied, but then I'll just send you a text.
[00:05:59] Yeah. Or usually I'll even just take the call anyways, so yeah, not really.
[00:06:03] Casey O'Roarty: When you first went, I remember dropping you off year one and asking you like, what is the best way for me to reach out if I want you to respond? Mm-hmm. And you were like, mom, you gotta get on Snapchat. Like that's really where, and I kind of do the cycle, don't I?
[00:06:20] I send you a text and then I send you a Snapchat and let you know that I sent you a text. Yeah,
[00:06:24] Ian O'Roarty: you sent me a text and then wait one minute and think that I'm on Snapchat for some reason and didn't see your text.
[00:06:31] Casey O'Roarty: Well, you know, you know what I think to myself is you've got notifications set differently for Snapchat versus iMessage.
[00:06:38] Oh, you don't?
[00:06:39] Ian O'Roarty: Nope. Uh, well, yeah. I mean, I get more of a buzz for iMessages than Snapchat.
[00:06:45] Casey O'Roarty: You get more of a notification.
[00:06:47] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:06:48] Casey O'Roarty: But you're so quick to respond on Snapchat and not so much on iMessage. What's up with that?
[00:06:52] Ian O'Roarty: Well, if I go on my phone and there's like a lot of notifications, I'm not probably gonna see the iMessage ones.
[00:06:59] Casey O'Roarty: Okay. 'cause it gets kind of buried.
[00:07:01] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, but there's a lot coming from Snapchat 'cause that's where all of my communication happens.
[00:07:06] Casey O'Roarty: And So you do see me on Snapchat? Is that what you're saying?
[00:07:10] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I get, I mean, I see. If I see your message, I'm gonna see both of them. Not either, if that makes sense.
[00:07:16] Casey O'Roarty: Okay, got it.
[00:07:17] Do you wish that we talked more or less? Some of the parents were asking, 'cause I do work with, I have one particular client and their family has designated, like Sunday nights are the night that they do a family FaceTime call. So everybody gets to see each other. The college kid has younger brothers at home, so the mom really wants to make sure that they stay connected to their brothers.
[00:07:42] Mm-hmm. Do you feel like that is. Doable. Like would that be, we don't have anything like that. 'cause I just kind of reach out and we talk whenever. But what do you think about that as a setup for a family that's trying to make sure that there's regular communication?
[00:07:57] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, it sounds like a good idea in theory.
[00:08:01] Me personally, I wouldn't probably want to do that 'cause I feel like we have a good like sort of system.
[00:08:07] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. I
[00:08:08] Ian O'Roarty: don't know, but I think for like other people, that's probably a good idea.
[00:08:12] Casey O'Roarty: Do you think it would be hard, like if we said Sunday's at four we're gonna, or Sunday's at eight or Monday at two or whatever, do you think that having a scheduled time where the family could all talk to each other, do you think that would be hard to kind of fold into your groove or not?
[00:08:32] Ian O'Roarty: I just think it wouldn't go as good as. We think it would. Mm-hmm. Just because like any sort of, oh, I'm not really trying to do this right now, would just probably make the experience really bad. So, and I just imagine that's how it would be every week on my part. Yeah. So, oh my
[00:08:51] Casey O'Roarty: gosh, that's so wise. It's kind of reminds me
[00:08:52] Ian O'Roarty: like the family meetings.
[00:08:53] It's like when you wanna do them, they're really good, but if you don't wanna do them like in the slightest bit, they're terrible and not fun. That's so
[00:09:02] Casey O'Roarty: funny. I was totally just thinking about family meetings and how, one time I had a client who was like, how do you stay like calm and you know, positive drink
[00:09:12] Ian O'Roarty: You don't
[00:09:13] Casey O'Roarty: that you don't.
[00:09:13] Yeah, yeah, exactly. I say, uh, I don't, I try, yeah, really hard. I'm working really hard. But yeah, I'm, I'm not very good at telling my face to follow along with being calm and positive during family meetings. It's a true story. Yeah. Well, what about like social and academic balance? So you've already been through your freshman year, you're coming into sophomore year, you lived in the dorms last year.
[00:09:38] You're in an apartment off campus pretty far off campus. You have to take the. Tram.
[00:09:44] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
[00:09:45] Casey O'Roarty: So how is that balance for you? Where do you feel in your week? So you are, you know, you have full class load, you uh, I
[00:09:56] Ian O'Roarty: have the minimum class load.
[00:09:57] Casey O'Roarty: Well, you have the minimum full-time student class load.
[00:10:01] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah,
[00:10:02] Casey O'Roarty: correct.
[00:10:02] Ian O'Roarty: Which is two classes, two full classes, shy of the maximum of what I had last year. So it's a lot. It's much different this year, in my opinion.
[00:10:10] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. Ian's, Ian's got a super sweet schedule this semester. That's what you're saying?
[00:10:15] Ian O'Roarty: Well, I, I paid off, I did summer classes, so.
[00:10:19] Casey O'Roarty: Yes you did.
[00:10:20] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:10:21] Casey O'Roarty: Many of you might have seen me reflecting on those summer classes in my emails over the summer.
[00:10:27] Um, okay. So you've got a kind of a, a mellow academic, but you still have to show up places and you have to get things done. Yeah. And you've got a pretty good social life, and you have a part-time job. So what is, where do you feel in your week, where do you feel the most stretched? Where do you, where does stress show up for you in that social academic balance?
[00:10:50] Or does it?
[00:10:51] Ian O'Roarty: Um, honestly, it hasn't really started to show up very much. Just 'cause I haven't really gotten, like, they haven't really been giving me much hours at work, which I've kind of been. Not really happy with, well, I mean, I could pick up more shifts, so it's kind of on me too, but I've pretty much just been working weekends, so I mean, during the day I just, all my classes are in the morning and usually I just have one class a day at the most I have is two.
[00:11:19] So I go to class, come back and live the Good life kid, my
[00:11:23] Casey O'Roarty: homework,
[00:11:23] Ian O'Roarty: and then I just. To hang out with my friends. I mean, there hasn't really been too much stress unless it's before a test. I've had midterms last week, so I was pretty, I was stretched pretty thin last week, just studying a lot and stuff.
[00:11:38] Casey O'Roarty: So I know at your school, and I think at a lot of schools, there are some really good resources as far as tutors and study groups and spaces on campus.
[00:11:52] Do you take advantage of any of that?
[00:11:54] Ian O'Roarty: Um, I did last year. I went to a tutor session once, but for the most part, I mean the, the resources, the classes itself they give out are pretty good. Mm-hmm. They give out study guides for every test and. I haven't really been put in a position this year where I felt like I really needed it.
[00:12:14] Mm-hmm. My classes haven't gone pretty smoothly so far, so, and I have a lot of friends who are in the same classes too. So those are good resources for me to use. Most of my projects and all those things I'm working on are. With my friends.
[00:12:26] Casey O'Roarty: Do you feel like if you started to feel underwater, maybe next semester, maybe not so much this semester, but kind of started to feel like things were shaky or wobbly, like do you feel like you know where to go to access help?
[00:12:40] Ian O'Roarty: Uh, yeah, definitely. There's, does
[00:12:42] Casey O'Roarty: it feel a certain way to ask for help when it comes to academics?
[00:12:47] Ian O'Roarty: Um, no, but I feel like in most of my classes, I think. When, if someone's asking for help, I feel like it's mostly just like, you must not have been paying attention in class or something. Or you must have like missed something.
[00:13:01] 'cause there's no, like the professors do a really good job of covering every single base and just like, like the only times I've really gotten behind is missing class or not paying attention. Mm-hmm. And that's really the only, except for the online classes, those can be kind of difficult 'cause they just don't really give out as many resources.
[00:13:21] But I don't think there's a stigma around asking for help.
[00:13:23] Casey O'Roarty: Oh, good.
[00:13:33] I'm gonna invite you into honesty. I promise I won't judge you. How have you done with showing up to class?
[00:13:41] Ian O'Roarty: This semester or Yeah, in general.
[00:13:43] Casey O'Roarty: Like in general. Like if was, has there been times or classes where you've kind of gotten into that habit of not showing up? And I say this as someone who Ian knows I did not do college well at all.
[00:13:58] I had stress dreams for like 20 years. Finals that I was trying to find that I'D for classes I'd never gone to. So I know the extreme example of not showing up, and I also know when I went back to school how easy and in flow everything felt when I did show up. So where have you, like, where have you kind of landed?
[00:14:21] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, there hasn't been a class where I've missed so much of it that it put me behind. But there has been like, of course, if I miss the class, I still have to catch up for that one day that I miss. Mm-hmm. And I think. It was probably first semester last year. This one class I had on a Friday, Friday morning, we would always go out on Thursdays.
[00:14:41] So it was just kind of hard Yeah. To make it to that class. But I also had, that was my class that I had three days a week and it was like 45 minutes long. Mm-hmm. So it wasn't the biggest deal if I missed it, there wasn't attendance wasn't mandatory either.
[00:14:55] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:14:55] Ian O'Roarty: But I don't think, there's not been a class this, this semester that I've missed more than like twice I think.
[00:15:00] And that each class gives you three absences.
[00:15:04] Casey O'Roarty: Do you have a pretty good mindset you think about showing up and a good understanding of just like that is? Works for you to To be there and to show up. Yeah. Well, I mean,
[00:15:13] Ian O'Roarty: I think if you don't show up, then you're just kind of like screwing yourself over. I mean, you're not learning anything.
[00:15:20] You're paying a bunch of money for the class and you're just gonna get put behind. The only reason I've actually had to miss classes is being sick.
[00:15:27] Casey O'Roarty: Hmm.
[00:15:27] Ian O'Roarty: Like I think that's the only way you should
[00:15:30] Casey O'Roarty: being sick.
[00:15:32] Ian O'Roarty: Sick or actually, yeah, morning sickness, whatever.
[00:15:37] Casey O'Roarty: Well, how do you know, have you ever felt like the balance, because you, like you're a guy that likes to go out, I mean, you've got lots of friends, you like to have a good time.
[00:15:47] Do you ever, have you ever felt like maybe the balance has tipped a little bit too into social stuff? Um. And how would you know if it felt like you were out of balance with some of maybe your choices?
[00:16:02] Ian O'Roarty: Um, I really don't think I've been too far into the social stuff. If anything, it's been the opposite recently.
[00:16:08] Oh. And, uh, I think the way I would know is just 'cause like if I was going out or like. Hanging out with my friends and I'm making a conscious decision to do that instead of doing something academic that I had to do. But I've never really been in the opportunity, like I always get my work done, like at least the homework, I get it done pretty quick, like at the first opportunity.
[00:16:30] And, um, I just think like, I mean. At least this semester. We've only gone out three times.
[00:16:35] Casey O'Roarty: Wow.
[00:16:36] Ian O'Roarty: In two months. So that has not been very fun. Too much school up.
[00:16:41] Casey O'Roarty: Why haven't you gone out more?
[00:16:42] Ian O'Roarty: Well, one, one of my friends couldn't really get into the the bar.
[00:16:48] Casey O'Roarty: Mm-hmm.
[00:16:49] Ian O'Roarty: So we had to wait for him to be able to do that.
[00:16:51] And it took a while.
[00:16:52] Casey O'Roarty: Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. Yeah. How do you. No. So you said you typically, and I kind of heard you say this, like you'll go to class and then do you stay on campus and get your homework done before you even come home or.
[00:17:06] Ian O'Roarty: No, um, 'cause usually I don't eat breakfast until after class. So I'll come home and eat breakfast and then I'll just sit down and do my homework.
[00:17:14] 'cause my roommates are at class until like mid-afternoon and I get done with class. I mean, I only have one class a day pretty much. And it gets done latest at like noon. Wake up at like 10 or nine, go to class, come at noon, make some food, do my homework, and I'm done for the day at like 2:00 PM
[00:17:33] Casey O'Roarty: And then what do you do?
[00:17:36] Ian O'Roarty: Well, I'll either like get ahead on work or Okay. I'll like go to the gym then.
[00:17:41] Casey O'Roarty: Okay.
[00:17:41] Ian O'Roarty: And then, uh, you know, we picked up skateboarding recently, like we've been learning to skateboard,
[00:17:47] Casey O'Roarty: relearning. You're all little, you were all little boys who skateboarded
[00:17:51] Ian O'Roarty: I Isaiah never skateboarded. So he is having a little bit different of a journey.
[00:17:56] Casey O'Roarty: Okay. Learning curve. How do, do you, I wanna ask you about kind of systems and organization. How do you remember. You know, as far as like assignments that are due or projects. Things in the future. How do you remember everything you need to do? What is your system for that?
[00:18:15] Ian O'Roarty: Well, the like interface that my school uses for all, like the classes and everything, like some use, some use canvas, some use desire to learn, and uh, ours has a built in calendar that has all the assignments.
[00:18:30] On the due date and everything. So that's kinda like the one stop shop.
[00:18:34] Casey O'Roarty: Oh, so it's, it's specific to you. So you load in, here's my classes, and it shows you exactly what needs to happen when.
[00:18:41] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:18:42] Casey O'Roarty: What's your system for checking that?
[00:18:44] Ian O'Roarty: Uh, I check it every day and I only have assignments due on Mondays, uh, and Sundays.
[00:18:52] And then I have one assignment due on Wednesdays and Fridays. Okay. So I kind of like. Got the routine down also. I, I'm done with one of my classes. It just ended. Oh my
[00:19:00] Casey O'Roarty: god.
[00:19:01] Ian O'Roarty: A and it, let's go. Good job. All
[00:19:03] Casey O'Roarty: right. What was it? Yeah. What class was it? It was,
[00:19:06] Ian O'Roarty: um, Greek and Roman Religion.
[00:19:08] Casey O'Roarty: Oh.
[00:19:09] Ian O'Roarty: So fascinating. Not very exciting, but,
[00:19:12] Casey O'Roarty: but you got an a good job.
[00:19:13] You got an a
[00:19:14] Ian O'Roarty: well done.
[00:19:16] Casey O'Roarty: So you've got that. So that's a system, you, that's just, that's what you use then? Mm-hmm. Does it have any kind of like alerts or reminders or anything? Or is it just really, you look at it and you, you're the one?
[00:19:27] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I get a, there's this other app that I think a lot of schools can use.
[00:19:31] It's called Pulse and, uh. It gives you alerts when you miss things, so it's not very helpful.
[00:19:38] Casey O'Roarty: Well, it's kind of after the fact. Well, tell me about that. Yeah. Have you had yet an experience in any of your classes where you've kind of dropped the ball and how did you recover from it?
[00:19:48] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, well yesterday I had three econ lectures, like videos to watch.
[00:19:53] And I also had one other assignment that was like a super small quiz and uh, I was brushing my teeth last night at midnight and I got a notification on my phone that I got a 0% on the quiz assignment 'cause I forgot to do it.
[00:20:07] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:20:08] Ian O'Roarty: But, uh, I haven't really had,
[00:20:10] Casey O'Roarty: so, wait, pause. So what are you gonna do about, so is there something you can do about that or are you just like, oh me.
[00:20:16] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, there's no late submissions, so nothing I can do, but it's all right. I think I get like three of those that I can miss.
[00:20:24] Casey O'Roarty: Okay. Yeah. So it's useful to know what you can, you know, the, like, where's the bar? Right? What can you miss as far as days or assignments? And you're kind of keeping track of that mentally.
[00:20:36] Mm-hmm.
[00:20:37] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:20:38] Casey O'Roarty: Have you ever had to reach out to a professor to grovel or ask for help or ask for an extension or anything?
[00:20:45] Ian O'Roarty: Um, no. I've never had to ask for an extension. Most of my professors are very out in the open about their like late work policy, and they're either like, you can like do late work for the end of end of the semester, like whenever you want.
[00:21:01] Or they're like, I will never ever give you late work. And if you ask, I'm gonna hit you. They
[00:21:06] Casey O'Roarty: do not say that gonna hit you. It's like, no, I should say that, but
[00:21:08] Ian O'Roarty: it's like, there's like only two ends, so there's no, I don't really feel like there's a point in asking Yeah, if there's a, they already kind of make the rules.
[00:21:17] Casey O'Roarty: Have you, and I know I encourage you to do this a lot and I'm just wondering if you actually do it. Do you, have you reached, you know, when you're, have you built, do you build relationship with your professors at all? Is that something that you kind of try to do or not do? I mean, how do you feel about that?
[00:21:35] Ian O'Roarty: Kind of, in some of my classes it's hard. Like my econ class is a lecture hall with 570 people in it. Yeah. So I'm, but I'm friends with a professor on LinkedIn. So
[00:21:48] Casey O'Roarty: you don't give him a high five and your way out, out the door.
[00:21:51] Ian O'Roarty: Well, he'll come around and, you know, fi give like a bunch of people fist bumps.
[00:21:55] So I've gave him a fist bump before. And, uh, I'm friends with a few of my professors on LinkedIn, but I've only talked to a couple of them.
[00:22:04] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. You, have
[00:22:06] Ian O'Roarty: you
[00:22:06] Casey O'Roarty: gone in for like office hours or do you see any benefit in that
[00:22:11] Ian O'Roarty: yet? Um, I mean, certain classes, yeah. One of my classes is uh, preparing me for like my upper years in college 'cause there's a different programs that I have to start focusing on.
[00:22:23] And I definitely think that there'd be good use in building a relationship with that professor. 'cause he's got a lot of connections mm-hmm. In that. Aspect.
[00:22:33] Casey O'Roarty: Have you started to build that relationship?
[00:22:36] Ian O'Roarty: Um, yes. I shook his hand and introduced myself to him.
[00:22:41] Casey O'Roarty: When you done, you said, hello, my name is Ian.
[00:22:43] Ian O'Roarty: Hello, my name is Ian Ty, and I'm your best student.
[00:22:46] Nice to meet you.
[00:22:48] Casey O'Roarty: Well, I mean, there's a lot of benefit there, right? Because like you said, his connections and when you, if you are gonna need any letters of recommendation, it's always good for people to actually know you, huh?
[00:22:59] Ian O'Roarty: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Don't want someone to recommend you. That doesn't. Know who you are.
[00:23:03] 'cause they're just gonna be honest.
[00:23:04] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. Like I think this kid's, okay.
[00:23:07] Ian O'Roarty: I don't really
[00:23:07] Casey O'Roarty: know. What about health and wellbeing? So you mentioned that one of the things that you do is you go to the gym when you have time. Mm-hmm. What does that look like? What does it look like to take care of yourself? As far as like, because you go, I mean, big context, right?
[00:23:24] Our kids, you live in a house where somebody is buying groceries and you know, making a lot of the food and kind of. Holding the space for making sure that there's everything that you need. Right. And now you're in an experience where you are the one that has to make sure that there's food to prepare, that you have time to do it, that you're doing it.
[00:23:44] What have you noticed about the, you know, kind of the taking care of yourself aspect of being on your own?
[00:23:51] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, I genuinely don't understand how everyone isn't bankrupt from buying groceries because I'm spending literally all my money on groceries and, uh, it's not sustainable. I need to figure something else out.
[00:24:04] And I feel like I'm not even buying that many groceries, but I'm, I have to go like twice a week.
[00:24:09] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:24:10] Ian O'Roarty: And yeah, so that's been terrible. Okay. Like, I mean, I can cook myself food, but like going to the grocery store is. Just like spending so much money at the grocery store, like probably like $200 a week.
[00:24:24] Casey O'Roarty: Do you look at prices and things?
[00:24:26] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I try to just buy like the cheapest stuff, but like I was doing that for a while. Like I was just, I was trying to grocery shop at Walmart, but like my gut health was just terrible and I just like kind of felt super bad. So then I started shopping at Safeway and like the membership discounts are okay, but.
[00:24:48] I'm still spending like a lot of money, so, yeah.
[00:24:51] Casey O'Roarty: Well, we're gonna talk about that. We're gonna talk about finances in a minute. Mm-hmm. But what about just, you know, like your mental and your physical health. Do you feel like Well, yeah,
[00:25:03] Ian O'Roarty: go ahead. Recently, uh, it's been, the physical aspect has been very good.
[00:25:07] I've been waking up in the morning and going down to the massage chairs in my apartment and getting a 30 minute massage. And then if I'm feeling crazy, I'll hit the sauna. And, uh, yes,
[00:25:20] Casey O'Roarty: everyone, Ian basically goes to school at a resort. It is not real life, but yeah. You know, he's making it work.
[00:25:27] Ian O'Roarty: I'm making it work though, but I'm serious.
[00:25:29] I feel like your listeners might not think I'm serious about the massagers, but I genuinely go downstairs for 30 minutes and get a massage and uh, yeah, I've been running recently. Mm-hmm. So I'll, I try, I've been trying to run like 10 miles a week, but the past couple weeks I haven't been hitting that goal, which I'm okay with.
[00:25:47] 'cause I've been skateboarding and stuff.
[00:25:49] Casey O'Roarty: You've been active?
[00:25:50] Ian O'Roarty: Uh, I've been weightlifting a good amount too, like
[00:25:52] Casey O'Roarty: mm-hmm.
[00:25:53] Ian O'Roarty: Probably like five times a week, maybe like four. So
[00:25:57] Casey O'Roarty: what about your mental health?
[00:25:59] Ian O'Roarty: Mental health is good. I feel like I'm just trying to fill my days with things to do. So yeah, the only times where my mental health is bad is when I'm just super bored.
[00:26:09] 'cause there's just like, sometimes I'll end up just playing video games with the roommates on the couch, which is fine, but like every day doing that is not ideal.
[00:26:19] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. So how does that, how do you know, and that's, you brought up video games, so you're. You know, your generation, it's, it was raised on screens and phones and, you know, just, ugh, the technology mind rott situation.
[00:26:37] How do you manage your, your screen use? And I don't mean like staying in touch with your friends, but kind of that mindless scrolling, YouTubeing video gaming. How do you, do you have like, does. Is there anything inside of you that's kind of like an indicator of, Ooh, this is gross. I need to move on?
[00:26:58] Honestly, yeah. Honestly, I have
[00:26:59] Ian O'Roarty: not checked my screen time on my phone in a very long time, and I don't. Mm-hmm. I'm not. Do you want to right now? I mean, I, yeah, I'll, I'll check it right now. We can bear. All right,
[00:27:12] Casey O'Roarty: listeners, we'll see. I talk about doing this all the time, normalizing this, oh, it's my
[00:27:18] Ian O'Roarty: average.
[00:27:20] There's no As is accurate.
[00:27:22] Casey O'Roarty: What is it? I mean, mine's not great either.
[00:27:25] Ian O'Roarty: Mine says my average is eight hours a day, but there's no way that's true.
[00:27:29] Casey O'Roarty: Well, when you look at what you're doing, what are, what is it picking up on?
[00:27:33] Ian O'Roarty: Four hours on Google Chrome? I think it's connected to my computer.
[00:27:37] Casey O'Roarty: Hmm.
[00:27:38] Ian O'Roarty: So that's not ideal.
[00:27:40] 'cause there's also like when you look at it, there's a lot of blank space. Mm-hmm. And I don't know if you can see that. Yeah. Same
[00:27:46] Casey O'Roarty: with mine. Yeah. Oh yeah. You a lot.
[00:27:48] Ian O'Roarty: And like when I go back in the previous weeks, there's like this day I was on my phone for 17 hours. I don't think so. That's impossible.
[00:27:57] Casey O'Roarty: Do you, so even not looking, do you feel like, do you feel pretty good about your screen used?
[00:28:03] Do you feel like, Hmm, I could probably do better? How do you feel about it? Like when you gave yourself like an honest assessment?
[00:28:10] Ian O'Roarty: Honestly, I feel pretty good about my screen use. Mm-hmm. Because I just think. I genuinely dunno what else I'd be doing if I wasn't like, I mean I only really like pull out my phone when I'm like.
[00:28:22] Literally, there's nothing else I could be doing. Mm-hmm. So I'm just gonna go out my phone real quick, or like if I'm texting someone or something like that. So I don't think there's a lot of like mindless scrolling when I shouldn't be. Mm-hmm. Like, that's like kind of like a, a privilege I feel like I earned by.
[00:28:37] Doing things throughout the day. Right. You know what I mean? Well, and
[00:28:38] Casey O'Roarty: I, yeah. I think about you and you're active and you've got friends and you're out in the world. You're doing well in school. Like there are no other indicators that suggest like, oh, this is a big problem. Um, I'm not
[00:28:49] Ian O'Roarty: scrolling instead of doing something, if that makes sense.
[00:28:52] Casey O'Roarty: Right, right. How has it been being a roommate?
[00:28:58] Ian O'Roarty: Uh, it is been very good. You know, living in the dorms last year was like a way crazier situation, like actually sharing a bedroom. Yeah. So like, this feels like a resort, like you said. It's crazy. It's really nice. The apartment, I mean, genuinely have not run into a single problem.
[00:29:16] Casey O'Roarty: Great.
[00:29:16] Ian O'Roarty: With the roommate, even last year either. So same
[00:29:19] Casey O'Roarty: roommate, right? Mm-hmm. Added a new one for this year, added a new one, and do you, is, what do you, why do you think that is? Do you guys just have good communication? Like when problems come up, have problems come up, or like somebody needs to take out the garbage?
[00:29:32] Or how do you guys,
[00:29:33] Ian O'Roarty: um, well, like someone needs to take out the garbage. Someone's just going to like, some, whoever is, they're just gonna do it as soon as they like, notice that it's full. Like if I'm going, are you not all
[00:29:44] Casey O'Roarty: sitting around looking at the garbage? Like, uh, who's gonna take out the garbage this time?
[00:29:48] Ian O'Roarty: Because if you take out the garbage, you get to ride the hoverboard down the hallway. So pretty chill. And uh, everyone just does their own dishes. Um,
[00:29:58] Casey O'Roarty: clean. You guys clean up after yourselves?
[00:30:00] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, definitely. That's awesome. Yeah.
[00:30:04] Casey O'Roarty: And I mean, listeners, I can say I can validate this because I was there and I was very impressed when we walked in, even though I did wanna wipe the counter.
[00:30:15] But that was fine. That's the one thing is the counter, I never clean. Yeah, that's so gross. I love clean counter. Um, but
[00:30:22] Ian O'Roarty: we don't have any spray or that's, that's only, we only have Clorox wipes. That's the only, that's the only issue
[00:30:28] Casey O'Roarty: and it works. Um, but. Yeah, you guys, you, you know, I think that when I think back to being in college, especially my first, the year that I lived in the apartment, oh my God, we were disgusting.
[00:30:39] We were three girls and really didn't do a great job of cleaning up after ourselves. So I'm glad that you guys are, um, doing that. What do you think, when you look back, what do you think, what routines or expectations that you grew up with here do you think are helping you to be a good roommate?
[00:31:00] Ian O'Roarty: Um, I think when you try to instill in me in like middle school, like slash high school, like don't wait for someone to tell you to do something.
[00:31:11] Just like if you notice it, like try and do it, which I don't know if I did a great job of that when I was living at home, but here, I think all three of us really know like how to do that. Mm-hmm. And just like, mm-hmm. Like if we see something, we're just gonna do it. We're not gonna like be like, oh, who did this?
[00:31:29] What is your plan? Like, you're just gonna clean it up. 'cause that's the fastest, most efficient way. Yeah.
[00:31:34] Casey O'Roarty: Right. And nobody's mom is there. Mm-hmm.
[00:31:36] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:31:47] Casey O'Roarty: So, uh, what about, so you mentioned gonna the grocery store and money and managing money, and you've got, you know, some merit money and some your paycheck and you've got summer paycheck that you tried to put money away over the summer. What's the biggest surprise to you? About managing your own money and really being in charge of, of getting things done beyond just what you already said about how expensive groceries are, which, yeah,
[00:32:19] Ian O'Roarty: that's really the only thing is like when I'm thinking about money, I'm just thinking about I need more money to buy more groceries and like, because I'm always feeling like I'm not feeding myself very well, but I'm always also feeling like I'm.
[00:32:33] Going to the grocery store and buying so much stuff. Mm-hmm. And it's never blasting either. It's always gone so quick.
[00:32:41] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. There's a funny meme that I see every once in a while and it's, it's not about grocery shopping, but it is about, oh great, it's five o'clock and I gotta make dinner again. Today and every day for the rest of my life, like
[00:32:55] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:32:56] Does feel like that sometimes. Honestly, I kinda wish I had like a, a commuter food plan or something like that just to like, take one meal off the, off the table on campus. If I could grab like, breakfast after class or something, you know, that'd be really nice. And I'd also save a good amount of money.
[00:33:15] Yeah. 'cause I, I think like last year I didn't have a job and I had a food plan and. I think if I didn't have a job, I don't, I don't know how I would've done this year. I, I have to have a job.
[00:33:28] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's good, it's good to practice balancing all of that. How do you keep track of balance? Like literally your, like your, your financial balance and what you've got, right.
[00:33:40] You're
[00:33:40] Ian O'Roarty: spending, honestly, it's not in balance. It's a, it's a very unsustainable life that I'm living right now. Okay. And I'm gonna run outta money quick if I keep. Doing it like this. So I don't know. That's my answer.
[00:33:54] Casey O'Roarty: Well, do you, let me ask that a different way. Like do you, so for me, what I just did just this morning is I pretty regularly go in and I look at our balances and our accounts, and then I look at the budget that I've created for.
[00:34:11] All the different things that we have to spend money on or that we want to spend money on during the month, and I kind of make it all work. Do you have anywhere where you're looking at like, okay, this is how much I have for food, this is how much I have for going out. Do you think that would be used?
[00:34:27] You're shaking your head.
[00:34:29] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, I don't have anything like that. I think if I were to have something like that, I could take a guess on the numbers. I'm gonna guess that. 82% of my money is going towards like food.
[00:34:43] Casey O'Roarty: Mm-hmm.
[00:34:44] Ian O'Roarty: And the other 18 is like miscellaneous items, because I don't really like when I go out, I'm not spending a bunch of money on drinks or anything like
[00:34:54] Casey O'Roarty: mm-hmm.
[00:34:55] Ian O'Roarty: Maybe I'll get some beers with my buddies and that would cost me a maximum of like $10.
[00:34:59] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:35:00] Ian O'Roarty: And that's like a once a week type of thing. And then. Like maybe some other miscellaneous objects or things that might cost a little bit, but honestly, it's like all of my money I'm spending is at the grocery store.
[00:35:14] So I've made it a point to really kind of try to eliminate my spending, like especially on fast food and like different activities I was doing. I just wanted to like, just only spend my money at the grocery store so that I could hopefully like start saving again. Mm-hmm. With my job. Mm-hmm. But did not, doesn't, doesn't really, not yet.
[00:35:34] Yet Not there yet. Yeah.
[00:35:35] Casey O'Roarty: So basically you're the, the way that you keep track is kind of like you have a vibe for mm-hmm. What's going on. It'd be interesting to go through and like line item you're spending and really see if that is accurate. It might be, or it might, you might be even spending even more on food or it might be less.
[00:35:52] It'd be interesting to go in. Do you think it would be interesting to go in and kind of do that and
[00:35:56] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah. Put it up against what
[00:35:57] Casey O'Roarty: you feel like you're spending money on?
[00:35:59] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I mean, I've been to the grocery store three times in the last two weeks, and I've spent $280 and I
[00:36:07] Casey O'Roarty: in the three different grocery store times.
[00:36:10] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, like combined.
[00:36:11] Casey O'Roarty: Okay.
[00:36:11] Ian O'Roarty: And, um, I'm probably gonna have to go back tomorrow. And my last paycheck, what was below that amount, let's just say,
[00:36:21] Casey O'Roarty: was it.
[00:36:22] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, it was not, I mean, it was also my second paycheck, I think. Uhhuh Uhhuh, I just got hired like a month ago for the listeners. Yeah. So
[00:36:32] Casey O'Roarty: tell us what you do.
[00:36:33] I love what you do.
[00:36:35] Ian O'Roarty: I drive around campus on a scooter delivering things
[00:36:39] Casey O'Roarty: so. You're the snag guy, right? Yeah. Isn't the,
[00:36:44] Ian O'Roarty: yeah. The company's called Snag and I deliver snacks and different, we have almost anything you can imagine. The dorm essentials, we have everything you could want besides like produce pretty much.
[00:36:54] It's all non-perishables and we just deliver it on electric scooters and a two mile radius. It's pretty fun.
[00:37:00] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. Do you like it?
[00:37:01] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I do. I like it a lot. The guys I work with are super cool and managers are really nice and, uh, it's, it's, it's a good system they have too. It's really, it's fun to do too.
[00:37:12] Casey O'Roarty: Nice. I love that for you. I love that for you. The only
[00:37:16] Ian O'Roarty: thing is though, I'm not working enough, like nearly enough.
[00:37:19] Casey O'Roarty: Right. So is that something you can advocate for?
[00:37:22] Ian O'Roarty: Um, yeah. I just gotta start picking up more shifts. It's, it was hard 'cause the only shifts, I, I couldn't pick up any of the ones that were open last week, but like, you know, I just gotta set my availability for super available and just hope I get
[00:37:35] Casey O'Roarty: shifts.
[00:37:36] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah.
[00:37:36] Casey O'Roarty: Is that how it works? You kind of have to kind of open up every, as much as you can and then Yeah. Shifts get popped in for you or you grab 'em?
[00:37:44] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, well, he'll do the shit, he'll, my manager like, puts out the scheduling know once a week and, uh. Your availability for the week determines like what shifts you're eligible for, and then he'll just assign you shifts and you can, I mean, I could text him and be like, yo, I'm hoping to get like some more hours this week, but there's no guarantees.
[00:38:01] Yeah, and I've, I mean, yeah. When I was interviewing for the position, the manager that was interviewing me has since left, and when he was asking me how many hours I wanted, I was put saying like 12 to 16 a week, Uhhuh. And so far I've only had 12 hours on my paychecks, so,
[00:38:17] Casey O'Roarty: okay. That's so they could, you could really use some more shifts, basically.
[00:38:22] Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What, and what about time management? Like what are you feeling, like, where is your time being pulled the most right now?
[00:38:33] Ian O'Roarty: Um,
[00:38:34] Casey O'Roarty: and do you feel like you have a good handle on time management?
[00:38:37] Ian O'Roarty: Well, recently there's been. A lot of like, just kind of during like the daylight hours, like when I get back from class, my buddies get back from class.
[00:38:47] There's been kind of like a lot of like just wanting to get things done before the sun sets because my car's headlights don't work. So thank you, dad. I can't drive anywhere at night.
[00:38:59] Casey O'Roarty: Okay.
[00:39:00] Ian O'Roarty: Um, so just like, that's just been like a weird thing recently that's just like, I just gotta like, do everything during the day, like go to the store.
[00:39:07] Some of my friends like asked me to drive some places sometimes.
[00:39:11] Casey O'Roarty: Mm-hmm.
[00:39:12] Ian O'Roarty: Uhhuh and, uh, a few times that has happened in the last week or two, so,
[00:39:15] Casey O'Roarty: yeah.
[00:39:16] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, just during the day is kind of like, pretty stressful. And then once I get to, like, that's when I just do all my productive activities pretty much.
[00:39:23] Casey O'Roarty: Okay.
[00:39:23] If you need your car,
[00:39:24] Ian O'Roarty: I get stuff done. Yeah.
[00:39:25] Casey O'Roarty: What's your plan for your headlights?
[00:39:27] Ian O'Roarty: I, I don't know. I gotta wait until probably a while to fix it. Just keep driving during the day, I guess.
[00:39:37] Casey O'Roarty: Why do you feel like you have to wait? 'cause of the cost?
[00:39:39] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, we talk about that after the show. It be very expensive if it's just like a minor cost and it might be like 300 bucks.
[00:39:48] But if it's something like Major where they have to replace the headlights, it'll be like. Closer to a thousand dollars. That's what Chad BT says. Mm-hmm. When I accident. So, uh. That's not really,
[00:40:02] Casey O'Roarty: could you take it to a mechanic and have them look at it and give you an estimate?
[00:40:05] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I probably could, but I just don't really, I mean, I can't do that right now, like at all.
[00:40:11] So there's no point I feel like in doing that yet.
[00:40:13] Casey O'Roarty: Okay. Got
[00:40:14] Ian O'Roarty: it. Gimme like, gimme like maybe next semester.
[00:40:17] Casey O'Roarty: Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. That's good to know. Well, for all of the parents who are wondering what the heck is going on with their college kids, 'cause they aren't really sharing very much, what do you wanna say to those parents about what's the pep talk that you would give those parents?
[00:40:36] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, honestly, if their kid is saying that they don't wanna share too much, like just
[00:40:42] Casey O'Roarty: tell or they just don't, they might not say that. They're just like, Hmm. You know,
[00:40:46] Ian O'Roarty: I mean, just tell 'em like, just break down. Like gimme a day, gimme a play by play of your day. Like, just like even like the most boring details, just tell 'em that you're not gonna think it's boring.
[00:40:56] You know? Like a lot of kids might not think that their parents like care, like if they did something minor today, but their parents might really enjoy hearing about it, you know? And I don't think a lot of kids know that.
[00:41:07] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. So just kind of putting it out there and communicating even the boring stuff, I'd love to hear about it if you're willing to tell me.
[00:41:12] Yeah.
[00:41:14] Ian O'Roarty: And like, it can even be like, like send me a, you don't have to like, we don't have to have a conversation where it's back and forth. If it's just like you send me a long paragraph at your convenience, like, you know, a lot of parents might like that probably.
[00:41:25] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. Well I like that. I like it when we do the Snapchat thing where it's a split screen and it shows me your face and then what you're looking at.
[00:41:34] Mm-hmm. Do you think that it is fair for parents to wanna expect that their college kids are gonna communicate with them?
[00:41:43] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, I think it's also, you gotta expect the college kid to be super busy at the same time, and you can't get mad if they are distant at times, but you just gotta. Make sure they also on the, at the same time can make time for you.
[00:42:01] Mm. But it doesn't have to be like, I think a lot of parents might think it's a, they might have a different idea of what it looks like in their head, like their kids calling them every single day when maybe they just give you like a weekly recap once a week. Mm-hmm. Or something like that.
[00:42:14] Casey O'Roarty: Mm-hmm. Just,
[00:42:15] Ian O'Roarty: it might look, they might be picturing two different things.
[00:42:18] Casey O'Roarty: There's a lot of different ways that communication can look, is what I'm hearing you say.
[00:42:21] Ian O'Roarty: Mm-hmm.
[00:42:22] Casey O'Roarty: Yeah. Thanks Ian. Thanks for doing this. Yeah, I love you. Love you too. I appreciate you. Um. Enjoy the spaciousness of this semester. Thank you. Enjoy the spacious and thank you again for coming on and chatting with me.
[00:42:38] Ian O'Roarty: Yeah, of course. Thanks for having me.
[00:42:45] Casey O'Roarty: Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to my Sprout partners. Julietta and Alana, thank you Danielle, for supporting with the show notes as well as Chris Mann and the team at Pod Shaper for all the support with getting the show out there and making it sound good. As I mentioned, sharing is caring. If you're willing to pass on this episode to others or take a few minutes to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, it helps other parents find this useful content.
[00:43:13] Be sure to check out what we have going on for parents of kids. Of all ages and sign up for our newsletter to stay [email protected]. I see you doing all the things. I believe in you. See you next time.