Eps 93: Carly Mentlik Talks About Support our Tween Girls

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Meet Carly Mentlik, tween whisperer. Carly’s vast education and experiences have led her to craft The Inner Rainbow Project.  She coaches parents and caregivers “to help our tween daughters grow up to be the confident, emotionally healthy, self-aware women that they deserve to be”. Nine through pre-teen can be a very challenging time for parents and tweens to navigate. Carly’s passion and guiding light gives parents and caregivers the tools to help navigate this extremely important development phase with ample support.

The world is changing faster and faster every day. We need our girls to have the confidence to speak their truth and live in their authenticity! Carly holds a Masters in Clinical Counseling, dual Bachelors in Special and Elementary Education all from NYU. She is a single mom, Yoga instructor and all around inspiration.

What you’ll hear in this episode:


  • Challenges tween girls navigate

  • Elementary to Middle School transition.

  • Importance of cultivating a strong foundation for girls at this developmental stage.

  • How feelings and emotions are changing and affect your tween and their experience.

  • Tools for helping your tween find self-awareness, acceptance and discovery in a safe and healthy environment.

  • How to address body image and help tweens feel confidence and compassion in/for themselves.

  • The importance of your tweens voice and how to support their expression.

  • How to use creativity and have fun to build connection with your tween.

  • Practical lessons and rituals that help both you and your tween put tools into daily practice.

  • What you can expect from working with Carly.

  • Special introduction to The Chakra Girls!

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Being a mom and being blessed to follow my passion, it is gratitude. It’s terrifying to embark on these things and you need that courage, but it’s with such joy because I am so grateful to have this opportunity to do this work.

Where to find Carly:

https://www.betterhelp.com/carly-mentlik/
https://www.innerrainbowproject.com/

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Transcription

Casey O'Roarty 0:00
Joyful courage parenting podcast episode 93

Hey everybody, welcome back to the joyful courage podcast, a place for information and inspiration on the parenting journey. I am your host, Casey o'rourdy, positive discipline trainer and parent coach. As always, I am thrilled and honored that you are listening in if you find yourself laughing, taking notes or excited about what you hear on the show today. Please, please, please, do me a favor and pay it forward. Share this episode with your friends, your family, neighbors, strangers, at Starbucks, whatever your sharing is the reason that I'm able to show up for you each week, and I'm deeply honored to do so. My guest today is Carly mentlik, a licensed counselor, teacher, yoga teacher and a mom. She specializes in personal growth and social emotional development of girls. She's created innovative curriculum and programs to support tween girls and their parents, yay. On the journey to adolescence, Carly recently founded the inner rainbow project to support her mission of helping all grow girls grow up confident, courageous and connected to their true selves. Hi there, Carly. Welcome to the podcast.

Carly Mentlik 1:39
Hi. Thank you so much for having me excited to talk.

Casey O'Roarty 1:42
I'm so, so excited to get the chance to talk to you. And then, as we start, please let the listeners know a little bit more about your journey of doing what you do.

Carly Mentlik 1:53
Yeah. I mean, so the you know, when I think about the word, the journey began, I really, you know, is myself, guys, going through the process of being a tween girl, a teen, and going through my own personal development journey, and having this passion, not only working with tween girls, but, you know, as we'll talk about it, but really special passion for working with with that specific age group because of What happens at that at that point of development, and I've done all different kinds of things in being a teacher and a yoga teacher, all different ways of sharing this with not only girls, but all boys, girls, all ages. But when I found out that I was going to be a mom, I decided that I wanted to have a new project and focus that could really hone in on my passion and also let me stay home and be able to raise her. So that's how the inner rainbow project was born. And kind of, you know what, what I'm doing right now, which you know always has that underlying mission of wanting to help people connect to who they truly are, and be able to express that in the world. Awesome.

Casey O'Roarty 3:03
I That is hot on my mind right now, for sure, raising my own daughter and son and like, Yeah, I'm so excited to talk to you. What did you teach when you were like a school teacher? No,

Carly Mentlik 3:17
I never, they, never, you know, and let me into the public school system as a teacher. I try to get in there, but I always taught, most recently, the business I had before this, I taught homeschoolers a lot, and worked with homeschoolers, and I always, I've taught gifted students a lot. That's where I started. It was really a place where you're allowed to teach creative thinking and emotional thinking and really fun stuff that's enrichment a lot of times. And then I got really passionate about believing that that kind of learning needs to be available for everyone, not just people that have, you know, that gifted learning style through that. Yeah, so I know that's really what the foundation of everything I'm doing is here's all this learning that isn't in schools that you don't have access to necessarily, so you need access to it.

Casey O'Roarty 4:09
Yeah, for sure. I remember when my daughter was in second grade and she was identified as a potential student who could move into our gifted program here in our home district. And I went to the, this is totally a tangent story, but I'm gonna roll with it. I went to the meeting, you know, the parent meeting, and the two teachers were, you know, given their presentation and and I was just so excited, right? Like, very little seat time and child centered and project based. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden it occurred to me, why the hell is this only available in two classrooms in our entire district? Like this is how every single classroom should this should be the cup. From, and then I was just kind of angry, and then she didn't score high enough, although she did really well, you know, and we didn't have to, you know, she stayed at her school, and she, you know, carries on and does well in school. But, you know, yeah, and I'm a former teacher. Yeah, I am. I'm a former school teacher, and was allowed and honored to teach aloud. That's funny. I taught up in one of the schools, like, way up in the mountains, and so we were just a three room schoolhouse, and there was, like, at the time, it was the early 2000s there were no rules, like, I got to show up, and, oh my gosh, it was amazing. We had a dream team. It was so project based, and it was so fun as the teacher to get to feel empowered, right, that I get to teach, I get to teach what the kids want to learn, versus I have to follow some scripts anyway. Blah, blah, blah, I

Carly Mentlik 5:54
mean, and that's why I gravitated, yeah, towards gifted education, because that was the only place I knew at that time in my knowledge of education that I had that chance to do, right?

Casey O'Roarty 6:05
Got it. So tell the listeners a little bit more about what you've created. So why teen girl, tween? Sorry, tween girls and what? How do you identify tween girls? How old are they? Well,

Carly Mentlik 6:17
it's always interesting of what it's more of like this developmental phase, and that can happen, you know, a little earlier and extend later for girls, but generally that like nine to 12 year old, sometimes again for an eight year old, and then, you know, a 13 year old is kind of on that balance, but that time in between where you're really in between childhood and adolescence, you know, you haven't hit that point of development where all that so the research, I know you've had podcasts about that too, like the teen brain and all that kind of stuff that the stormy teens and what happens then, you know. And so it's the time before that. And something that really got me interested and passionate, and even knowing about the importance of that was in grad school, and I worked with some amazing women, naobi way and Carol Gilligan, who were doing research. Carol Gilligan wrote a book called meeting at the crossroads, and it pinpointed this particular stage in development that they actually found from studying Women's Development. And they said, Let's travel back in time and find out, when is it that girls start kind of covering over what they know and losing their authentic voice, or being in danger of really losing their authentic voice, and that's where you see it. And in this research, they found out it was that time you know. So that really sparked me to become fascinated with it. And it's also my favorite age. I don't know what age you taught, but is my favorite age to teach boys and girls, because it is like, they're still gonna be kind of into listening to you right away, as opposed to a teenager you have to, like, break the ice. And they're also really a lot, you know, with all these guys, they're starting to get more complex thoughts, and this you can really do more. So it's one of my favorite ages to teach too?

Casey O'Roarty 8:01
Yeah, yeah, definitely, that eight, nine year old is the sweet spot. That's what I found in teaching for sure. So you wrote, when you when you, when we started emailing back and forth. You wrote, My work focuses on helping prepare girls for that journey into the new stage, which is the teen years in advanced. I'm getting an image of a backpack and helping them fill the backpack with everything they need to go on that journey through adolescence to being a woman. Why? What do you feel like? And I well, I feel like I'm jumping ahead. So I'm going to ask you, what do you feel like twin girls need the most? And I heard you talk about authentic voice. But I also want to know, have you read reviving Ophelia?

Carly Mentlik 8:48
Sure. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I studied girls development, so I had to read all of those kind of foundational Yeah, that's great, and that's great. I don't really I believe so I could be lying. Don't. Don't quote me on that? Well, it's both. It's

Casey O'Roarty 9:01
both fascinating and terrifying, right? Because they talk, she talks about, and I can't think of the author's name. Do you know the author's name?

Carly Mentlik 9:09
I'm blanking, yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 9:13
She talks about, I'm gonna look her up. There it is. I

Carly Mentlik 9:17
know, right? I was gonna start

Casey O'Roarty 9:20
doing. Okay? She talks about how the, you know, that transition, and it's like, elementary to middle school, right? That piece, because I know where I am. Kids are about 11. We have sixth, seventh, eighth grade and and how girls can go from being like, you know, sporty, Goofy, right, authentically themselves, being pretty unaware of, and not all girls, but generally pretty unaware of how they're being seen into and then they get thrust into this environment that is all about. How do I. Look and not like look, but what are people thinking about me? Yeah, like everything about you, yeah, Mary. Mary Piper,

Carly Mentlik 10:08
oh yes, yes, she deserves recognition.

Casey O'Roarty 10:11
There you go. Yeah. Thanks, Mary. But yeah, so, so when you think about that jump that girls are making, and maybe it's even just going fourth to fifth grade for the younger girls, because that definitely, I noticed that

Carly Mentlik 10:22
saying it's not an age, it's, it's, to me, it's exactly what you described. And when that, when that, when that hits, and it is a lot like, depending almost, sometimes it is happening like, what, where does you know? Sometimes sixth grade is Middle School. Sometimes it's elementary school. Like, I bet that has a factor too, in terms of how things are segmented. And then you're thrust into that kind of middle school world, right? But yeah, in terms of, yeah, what they need the most. You know, I was talking about that backpack image, but I think that, you know, something that drew me to your work is something that I feel like is really aligned, and that's really, really important, is before what you put in the backpack, like having that foundation of the home and the roots, to be able to have that safe space where you can be yourself. You don't have to know exactly what that is yet or ever, what you know, what it's all about, and it can change, but a place where you really can have that because especially, you know, if you are going into a public middle school environment, you don't necessarily have that safe space you know in terms of you. That's something I think is important too, is helping you know, how do you create that for yourself and the pockets you can find of that you know, but to have that, that initial foundation of somewhere where you always know you can be yourself and explore yourself and be authentic, whatever that means to you.

Casey O'Roarty 11:44
Yeah, oh my gosh. So true life moment right now, as you say that I'm thinking about, I know we're talking about girls, but I've got a twin. I've got a tween son, and sometimes, sometimes he does the goofiest things. And I've noticed lately that I'm like, Oh God, don't do that in public. And if I'm being totally honest, I may have even said that out loud, and I'm like, oh shit, I'm failing at the foundation.

Carly Mentlik 12:14
My daughter doesn't talk yet, so I like, a little bit like, she understands, but it's hard sometimes,

Casey O'Roarty 12:21
oh my gosh, right, because, but I love that. I love that image. I love that reminder that this, these four walls. I work from home, so I'm in my house right now. These four walls are a safe haven for my kids to show up however they need to show up. So thank you for that. Yeah,

Carly Mentlik 12:38
well, I wanted to, you know, it's in my mind that I know I saw today that you had interviewed her when she's that Rachel Macy Stafford and I just saw a blog she did where one of the like mantras are the things you can teach that I really felt like is beautiful, is like you can always come home, you know, and that's important to know and have established before. You're a teen when maybe something can happen, and you think you're not allowed to say it, or, you know, whatever it is. So if you can get that foundation where they know that that's a safe place no matter what they happen, no matter who they are, and have that set, you know, when their brain starts getting like, no, they're not going to understand, no way and no, you know it can, you know, really help against that,

Casey O'Roarty 13:20
and for everyone who's listening, who's thinking to themselves about all the times that they perhaps shamed or guilted their children about their behavior, and they're like, like, let it go. I'm doing the same thing in my mind. Just let it go and remember that every moment's a new moment. We

Carly Mentlik 13:35
would never get anywhere if we would. Yes, absolutely. So there's learning in that too.

Casey O'Roarty 13:42
Yeah, definitely. That's a whole nother podcast actually did it. It's called shame. You should check it out. Lisa Fuller, tell me about having an authentic voice. You mentioned that early on. One, what does that mean to you? And two, how can we support our daughters? And this is so real for me, even though my daughter is not a tween, how can we support our daughters in developing this when so much of the world around them is telling them how to be, what to say, how to act, dress, you know, it goes on and

Carly Mentlik 14:15
on, yeah. I mean, absolutely what you're saying, like, even though she's not a tween, this is really for anybody, and an adult, you know, working on what, what that is, and so in terms of, like, what that, what it means to me, it's just foundationally, that connection to that, that inner knowing, like that, this is what's true to me. It doesn't always have to be the same, but it's almost like, I don't know when I try to think of it, it more like a feeling and like a knowing that you could like, teach someone to connect to of like, what, what is, you know, what does it feel like to have a feeling that you're connected to that truth, you know, and in terms of supporting, supporting it, you know, one, I think it's the freedom. When I was thinking. About this. I thought of, I don't remember exactly who the podcast was, but you did one where it was something about, I think it was more focused on teen girls. And you said, Well, you know, it's always this, be yourself, be yourself, but what if you don't know who that is yet, like pressure, you know? And it's, it's the freedom, yes, that it's it to explore that, and that being yourself can be not what has to be defined through all of those messages. Maybe sometimes it is. Maybe you naturally really like something that's mainstream, or that's you know, and maybe you absolutely don't, you know. And so the freedom to be able to have that, and you know, the access to the things that are going to help you, you know, connect to that. But I think, you know, the initial step is being able to connect with what does that feel like to be connected to your authentic voice, and what does it feel like not to and I think that that's something that really even like any, like a very small child, you know what it feels like to just, you know, not be in your truth, or something, to not be right or sit right with you. And starting from there can be really powerful. I

Casey O'Roarty 16:04
wonder how. Okay, so I have so many things spinning right now because I'm thinking about, like, the image that's coming to mind is, like, up high, is all of this insecurity, right? The insecurity about my my you know, if I'm a tween, my friends, things are changing. I don't like my body, or maybe I do like my body, and what does that mean about me? And oh my gosh, I'm noticing boys. All of this is happening, and we're responding to the world from that place versus like that, and what I'm just kind of playing with, what you said, versus, like, being able to notice, oh, wait a minute, let me drop into and it's like, literally, my hands are in the air, and I'm bringing one hand down towards my belly. Like, what does it feel like to drop what is my what do I really think or feel or believe about this? And I'm wondering so you so now it's like, oh yes, because the eight, 910, 11 year olds might have less going on up there at the top, and so is totally on. Well, it's all good. So like, like, making them aware of what they're not like, of what already exists inside of them, so that as they move forward into this adolescence thing, it's like, oh yeah, I have a truth. Yes.

Carly Mentlik 17:44
Yeah. Because also, when you're saying, What do I think? What do I believe? I mean, sometimes I have no idea. Tells them valuable to, you know? So part of what I like to offer is, like, yeah, just that initial sitting down, and that's, you know, what are in the program, like the foundational program, the things that I offer, like sitting down, like, Yeah, well, what? What do I actually think about that? What is anger to me? What is it even sadness? What actually helps me? What do I already know that comforts me? What do I already know that, you know, helps me feel confident? And you know, start from there,

Casey O'Roarty 18:16
right? I love that well, and I think that it's probably so much easier for them. And I wonder, in your work, if you find that I just feel like they're they're close, they've they've created less there's less space, there's less barrier or armor, or whatever you want to call it, layers for them to peel back to get to that place when they're eight, 910, 11? Yes,

Carly Mentlik 18:45
absolutely. I mean, because it doesn't even, yeah, they don't even exist yet, right? Good terms of development, and that's where we're talking about, like, why that's that sweet bottom spot of teaching? Because there's also not those layers to peel back to get them to listen to you, and so, like, connect with that,

Casey O'Roarty 19:01
right? And it's never too late, right? Absolutely, oh,

Carly Mentlik 19:05
it's never too late, right. Now, you could pick up any one of these tools. It's just and again, you know, I have this special focus on this point of development, and also, you know, your work, and my other work, and what I see in my, you know, the whole vision of the project is, yeah, starting even earlier than that, and also continuing as an adult, that, for sure, ever stops, for sure.

Casey O'Roarty 19:28
I mean, in the last eight months or so, I've been doing work transformational leadership, work with some amazing other humans. And you know, it's, it's, it's incredible and inspiring and heartbreaking all at the same time. When you're in a space I'm 43 there were people you know, in their 60s, people in their 20s and all in between, literally, for the first time in their life, recognizing that the layers were there and that the layers fall. Right and realizing that not only were the layers to peel back there, but that, excuse me, the layers actually were like controlling the trajectory of their life, right past hurt, past, pain, insecurity, all of that stuff and so, like, what a gift

Carly Mentlik 20:25
with these young some, like, starting to think of these people having their minds blown like that, like,

Casey O'Roarty 20:29
Oh yeah, it's been amazing. And, and, yeah, and it's all a celebration. Like, it's pointless to be like, Oh man, how long? Why did it take so long? Unity,

Carly Mentlik 20:37
of course. Yeah, absolutely. You could see it that way, sure, but I yeah, I think it's beautiful to see it as, yeah. What? How? Grateful, yeah.

Casey O'Roarty 20:45
So talk about, talk a little bit about mindfulness in this, in this context, because this is something that I'm passionate about as well. I find that most of my like, I've done a few podcasts, well, many actually around mindfulness, but I'm typically talking about parents getting their minds together for sure, for sure, because right, we've got all these layers that we don't realize are driving our life. So it's like, hello, mindfulness. Also, you know, beginning the work of supporting our kids. And I, you know, and I do it in my own home and, and it's, you know, that the response is, is interesting, right? So I've got one child that's like, oh yeah, Mom, I'm gonna go meditate, you know. Or I say, Oh, wow, what helped you? Because I noticed you got it together, and came back into the room and he says, Oh, I just meditated. Oh, nice, awesome. Whereas my other child, you know, huge eye roll, like, I don't want to do that. That's your thing, you know. And

Carly Mentlik 21:55
we help them see that wonderful that you have that full participation, like, totally gets it on board. Child, you know, a lot, I think there's two things that come up for me there. Like, one is just whatever it was that your son accomplished by that he saw the value in it. You know, outside of, oh, that's mom's thing. That's so weird, whatever, there has to be a way for your daughter to get like, well, what's this going to do for me, it doesn't have to be the same way. You don't have to go meditate in your room like your brother. You don't have to do what mom does. But like, and it doesn't have to be for the same reason, you know. So like, what are some of the reasons that could benefit her? Even, like, what are those entry points? Maybe it's even like, well, you're stressed before a test or, you know, something that feels less vulnerable, even, and really practical, that's going to be like, Oh, okay, you know. And start easing in another way too, is I like using things as games. Like, one of the things I have it like a resource I have is like a mindfulness challenge. So it's gaining, gaining points. She she might be too old, she could be suspicious, but

Casey O'Roarty 22:59
I can see the eye roll. She's at school, and I can see the eye roll from here.

Carly Mentlik 23:05
So this might be yeah for that, like, eight and nine, fun a game, right? But yeah, like, what's the value going to be for her and her life? Like, is she an athlete and it's something that can help her, or is she, like, science and research oriented? So if you present to her, Well, did you know that there are multiple studies that show that you can increase your grade or what, whatever it is it's going to be her buy in, you know? And also the ways that that it can do it may be like sitting silently and meditating, isn't it? You know? Maybe it's like looking at stars or clouds move or or movement, you know, whatever pathway it's going to so, you know, and then not just her, but, you know, in the larger sense, too, I think that that's really how you can and then I was just thinking too, of like, that idea of like, how to teach, you know, in terms of having that freedom to explore what you want to do and what's going to be authentic for you having kids. Because there are, it's like, natural for kids to be like, I'm not gonna do that just because you do it. And,

Casey O'Roarty 24:04
yeah, even though I'm like, I'm super cool, I do not know what you're talking about, by the way, like most of the world does yoga, so it's not just my thing. Like,

Carly Mentlik 24:14
we all know everyone listening because you're super cool,

Casey O'Roarty 24:19
right? Except for my 14 year old, all of her friends think I'm cool now, I'm just kidding. Okay, yeah,

Carly Mentlik 24:25
I know that'll happen to me. But, um, yeah, like, what if that is going to be something really authentic, you know, so helping, and I don't know exactly, you know, this is how you're going to exactly do that, but like, just helping to identify between, like, no, just because mom does that. That's not really for me or, like, even though she does, like, you know what? That's actually pretty helpful. You know, that's why she does it. You know, that's interesting. So again, I don't have any wisdom for exactly quite how to do that. Well,

Casey O'Roarty 24:53
at the end of the day, she'll be a mom one day, and I will get the call go. Nothing else I can wait for that. What are some other practices Carly that you share with the girls and through your work? I'm so excited to talk more about the chakra girls,

Carly Mentlik 25:12
oh yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 25:12
but we're not there yet. But what are some other and or if it overlaps, that's okay too, but for strengthening and developing that authentic voice, what are some of their tools that you use? I

Carly Mentlik 25:22
mean, other than the things we talked about foundationally, but actual, like practices, I mean, it's all different part of what I try to do, and just as I think that way anyway, and enjoy being creative, and, you know, using all different modalities, but it's helping, especially at this age, give access to all different kinds of things in all different kinds that can be meaningful to all different kinds of learning styles and just, you know, just different ways of being, so reflection and self awareness that can be taught through journaling. It can also, you know, be through conversation. I like doing a lot of, like teaching, like we had been talking about yoga. So whether it's teaching full yoga classes or teaching how to use different poses or small meditations tools like affirmations, I love helping create personal like altars or talismans that kind of remember, like what you know about authentic voice. So you just like, Okay, this is, you know, you connect to that, and you just know, all right, yes, this is what it's reminding me of. Paint a

Casey O'Roarty 26:26
picture of what that could look like. I know that you know it would be, yeah, yeah, or an altar, or whatever, because I don't, you know. I'm gonna just not assume that everybody knows. But no, absolutely.

Carly Mentlik 26:35
And I mean, I even, I used to even be scared to talk about the say the word altar, because it's like not a thing you go and you pray to unless you desire to do that, unless that you're interested in. But it's a way. And that's again, we're going to talk about it. But what the shocker girls are? But so, for example, in my practice, there would be all different kinds of art supplies available, and sometimes it would be that a girl, we kind of focus in on a certain theme, or there would be a quote that she really likes, or we might even look up a quote right then, you know, like something that can help you remember to listen to your inner truth. And it could be like a, you know, and we should either maybe make a sign of it, like that she would post in her room, or a bracelet, and I would have different charms that would have themes that you know can help you, or it could just be the act of creating a piece of art that just in itself, you wouldn't know, but like you talk about it, and kind of infuse it with the meaning of, when I look at this, I'm going to remember that I can speak up for myself or and, you know, in a Trujillo mantra to it. And sometimes we would write actual mantras, bracelets or necklaces or T shirts. And there's so many fun kind of creative ways love it. Can do it? Yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 27:51
okay, so let's talk about the shocker girls. Okay,

Carly Mentlik 27:55
in terms of the guess, I'll just start with that talisman kind of thing. So one thing in terms, like, I told you, like my personal growth path, it really inspired me and informed a lot of what I really everything I share with the younger girls, and that's like, How can I adapt that information and bring it to them in a way that fits for them? Right? And when I was studying, started studying yoga and really gravitated towards the chakra system and the teachings of it, and it helped me in so many different ways.

Casey O'Roarty 28:30
Yeah, will you talk a little bit about, just for people that aren't familiar, of what the chakra system is? Yeah, yeah,

Carly Mentlik 28:37
it's a it's a subtle it's very ancient, different forms of it have been studied and used in cultures all across the world. It's an ancient form of a subtle body system, so an energetic system in your body, idea being that you have these seven energy system, energy spiraling energy centers at seven points along your body, and that each one is responsible for a different type of energy and feeling. Initially they were used, you know, just meditating on the energy and clearing clearing out everything you needed to kind of get you from the earth worlds, brought to the west. It was brought with all the psychology and how you can apply like, it just became attached with lifestyle and psychological themes and how you can use different tools and use the different elements and different aspects of the chakras to balance, to bring balance to your life. And that's the part that I really gravitate towards is is using it as a framework for, like, here's all these juicy like, just wonderful framework for personal growth. And yeah, you follow it, it just kind of gives you the things you need in all different levels to be your balanced, healthiest self, as simply and kind of maybe complex and mumbled as I got that. But

Casey O'Roarty 29:56
no, I think that was fine and i i. I love the more I can learn about chakras. I I love it and for listeners. So the first Can we just, like, run through them really quick. So yeah,

Carly Mentlik 30:09
so they're there. I mean, I'm not going to go into that. There's all different kinds of systems of chakras, but the one that's the basic so fun because it goes with the rainbow colors. Which is another reason I like it, because it's just fun. But the Root Chakra is connected, is connected to grounding in a sense of survival. So for like adults, it's that sense that you know, getting your security, your stability, your home, your financial life in place. And for girls, you know that sense of grounding and feeling safe. The second chakra is creativity in the social world. For adults, it's more connected to sexuality, so I've adapted it for girls to be connected to the world of friendship and helping them with positive thinking, creativity and flow. The third chakra is right at your core, right at your solar plexus, and it's like power inner fire and power and being confident in the world and getting things done and active. And then you move up to your heart chakra, which is love, compassion, gratitude, self, love, and being able to see that through that lens, your throat chakra balance and that gives you the courage to speak your truth and to communicate positively, also to listen. Can be a difficult one. Your third eye chakra, right at your third eye, is responsible for intuition, listening to your inner voice. It's also where, for the girls, I've put the world of emotions, and just learning about that, the balance of that in general, and that whole kind of, you know, inner world of thoughts and feelings, and then the crown chakra is like the closest connected to, kind of like a higher divine. And I don't go into anything religious in any of my teachings. But if you do practice spiritual spirituality, or you have a religion, you know you might connect that belief in that high purpose, but the way I use it is like believing anything's possible, being able to envision something and manifest it using your amount of imagination, having hope and faith, following your dreams. So, yeah, love it.

Casey O'Roarty 32:25
And how does that? So how does thank you for going through all of those. I love shots.

Carly Mentlik 32:30
Sure, I love them too. I mean, so right now I've been

Casey O'Roarty 32:34
working on my third, yeah, I've been working on my third chakra and my fifth. Personally, I can send

Carly Mentlik 32:40
you my learning guides. You're welcome to use them perfect.

Casey O'Roarty 32:45
Thank you. We'll talk about your learning guides like talk about what your offer is. I already sent your website out to a friend of mine who has a fifth grader. Yeah.

Carly Mentlik 32:54
More. The what there are centered around is what we've been alluding to as these characters called the shocker girls that I created, which are my way to bring what we just talked about and the teachings of them and the inspiration of them to girls in the form of these empowering, diverse superhero characters, which also meets my other mission of contributing to more i a diverse, body positive female superhero characters in the world for girls up to but yeah, that's and so the guides that I'm currently offering, it's like the first part of an empowerment program I created That's kind of like my like, here's what you could fill in that backpack. Like, here's what's good, you know, an introduction of helping girls build this framework for personal growth that they can use throughout their life. And using the shocker girls. And the shocker system is a framework for doing that. And like I said, I adapted it so the themes really made sense to girls that age, and they can start, you know, connecting it. But what's really cool is, like, if you were going to use it, like, if you had a girl, like, because you're studying chakras on your own, you would be able to easily apply anything that you're learning, any wisdom that you've gotten into that, you know, hopefully she would listen to,

Casey O'Roarty 34:23
I don't know. I'm looking for any angle I can take Carly.

Carly Mentlik 34:29
Well, that's why I stopped working with teens. No,

Casey O'Roarty 34:33
we're good. We're good over here. So I see, so um, and there's Okay. So then there's also a parent guide, so you support parents in Oh

Carly Mentlik 34:43
yeah, in Yes. Well, the reason I have a special what I noticed during my private practice was that I worked with with all ages in my private practice, and I worked with the teenagers, and they would just get dropped off, and they would get picked up, and. You know, there would maybe be some interaction if there was something, maybe be a parent meeting, but typically, I just work with them, with the tweens, there was really this balance. And it was always finding that balance of giving the tweet the girl this private space to be able to talk, but also she's not ready to just figure everything out on her own, right? The parents aren't ready, like, there isn't this total independence, you know. And there needs to be this, this balance of what the parents are offering and what their natural style is with whatever I'm teaching or helping with, or it's not going to work, you know. So that's why, when I was focusing on this age group, like, I really want to help support the parents at this level, too. So for example, in the Parent Guide, it's part of the the Learning Guides. It's it's a way, like I said, for you to one The guides are set up so you have a chance to kind of have those ends of having those casual and, like filtering, kind of filtering in your thumb in a casual way that is undetectable as a lecture or a kind of lesson. Let's say it will always work, but that is the attention behind it. There's a conversation game in the guides, but the Parent Guide overviews the themes of what the girls will be learning, and so gives you a chance to reflect on like it's not in a lesson, but what can what kind of change can you make? So if your daughter was going through that guide, you know that that third chakra guide, the yellow guide, you could say, Okay, well, what changes, the changes that you're making, even though you're not saying, hey, guess what? I'm working on my room, a third chakra. How do you notice it? She'll notice it by the empowering, by the energy that you're bringing about, you know? So it gives parents a chance to kind of figure out and use it as a framework for the values they want to impart and the wisdom that they have and how they want to you know, what do you want to teach your daughter? About friendship, about confidence, about authentic voice, about following your dreams, you know? So that's what the parent guide is, is gives that and that kind of balance between, you know, they're not totally just on their own, so, right? Getting like a mix of an independent and a collaborative experience. I

Casey O'Roarty 37:03
love this Carly and, you know, I think it's also important to remember that as you look at your eight, 910, year old like the, you know, I don't want to say this as the teen years are coming, but, you know, but, and it's not, and it's not also it's not anything that you should be dreading, but it definitely, it's definitely like, wow, we're in it, you know? And it's, it's a fascinating journey. And I love this. I love what you've created. I wish I would have known you like five years ago, but that's okay.

Carly Mentlik 37:38
It didn't exist. Don't forget.

Casey O'Roarty 37:41
But thank you. So yay. Any final thoughts? Before we close, I'm going to make sure that your links, like all the links, listeners, links to Carly's work, are going to be all over the show notes, so that you can check out these really cool guides and consider bringing them into your home as tools for you and your daughter. But is there any, do you have any other final thoughts? Carly, just around supporting our girls, their authenticity, mindfulness. What do you got? Yeah, I

Carly Mentlik 38:10
mean, I have, there's just so much. So I think I'll just, you know, circle it back around to just kind of, you know, offering an appreciation for for what you do and that piece and how that's aligned with, you know, what I really think is one of the integral pieces here, especially for this age, like to start with that foundation of creating that safe space at home. So when you know again, it doesn't, it's not this terrible. Doesn't have to be this terrible, traumatic situation. But there are changes that happen in your body and your brain when you're a teenager that can be stormy. They're just are. It's a fact. So if you can create a safe foundation for that and have like, you offer like, something like that family meeting, that foundation of tools and etc, if you can have that ready, yeah, those roots down, you can, you're gonna be set up pretty well before you even have started anything else.

Casey O'Roarty 39:08
Awesome. Well, Carly, my last question that I always end with that you know, you know what's coming. What does joyful courage mean to you? Yes, I

Carly Mentlik 39:19
just, I've been thinking about this since I read it. I just, I love it. It's my favorite part of your podcast, and like seeing what everyone else says. And I just, I think of it both like it kind of actually is the same answer, but is as being, as being a mom and as being someone who is as blessed enough to be able to, you know, follow my passion like a gratitude. I just keep coming back to gratitude, because it's like, it's terrifying to do embark upon these things, and you need that courage, but it's with such joy because you're so grateful to have, I'm so grateful to have that opportunity to even be doing these things. So that's, that's what it means to me. Yeah, thinking about it too. I like having different definitions. Well, yeah,

Casey O'Roarty 40:03
well, and it's funny. I mean, when if you come back on the show, I'll ask you again, and I and you will, it's and, and I don't have, like, a stock answer to that question either. So I'm always, I always love it when somebody asks me, right? Because I'm like, Well, today, it looks like

Carly Mentlik 40:20
I'm not gonna put you on the spot right now.

Casey O'Roarty 40:23
Thank you. I appreciate that. Well, Carly, where can listeners find you and follow your work? What are your social media handles, your website, all that stuff? Yeah,

Carly Mentlik 40:34
right now, the easiest way is, I'm actually switching it to beauty. You can find me there at inner rainbow project.com, all of my connection and all of my social media links are underneath. I have a Pinterest that has some good activities and different things for parents and twin girls and Facebook and all that kind of stuff.

Casey O'Roarty 40:57
Inner rainbow project. Dot Yeah. Okay. All right, great. Well, make sure that's in the show notes. Thank you so much for taking time to come on.

Carly Mentlik 41:07
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. It was wonderful. You

Casey O'Roarty 42:02
so great having Carly on the show. Be sure to check the show notes for links to connect with her and follow her work. I really resonated with listening to her talk about supporting our girls in connecting to their inner knowing, especially as I parent a 14 year old girl, the messaging is everywhere. It's everywhere. And, you know, we don't live in a cave. She's on social media. She's out in the world. And it's really tough to get away from that cultural pressure, right, that pop culture messaging, and it's just work. It's work and it's conversations, and it's revisits and it's modeling. There's so much that goes into it, and I just love I wish I had known Carly when my sweet Rowan was eight or nine, and it's all good. And now you know Carly, so definitely check her out. If you are raising daughters, you're gonna want to jump on her website. Oh my gosh. She talked a little bit about the rainbow girls, the chakra girls. Oh, they're so cute. They are seriously, so cute. And you're gonna want to play around with that offer of hers. So I have a couple announcements. Announcements. It's we're nearing the end of May, which is wild. I am nearing the end of the fifth month of the living, joyful courage member program, which has been an incredible journey with a really phenomenal, wise, supportive, beautiful group of parents who show up for each other in ways I never I mean, it's just been, it's been glorious to watch them support each other and and hold each other accountable and share and It's for everybody, right? It's for everybody. The end of June, the living joyful courage membership will open up again to new members, and that's super exciting. So be on the lookout for posts about that. You can actually join the interest list right now to stay tuned in to what's happening there. June 14, I'm gonna run another joyful courage 10. So this one is going to be within the context of preparing for the summer, because summer's right around the corner, and some of us, if we are work from home or stay at home, moms, that means lots of time with our kids. But even even those of you that are working moms who have kids that are going to camp, it's going to be a shift, right? It's a shift in the dynamic of the home and a shift in the relationship. So I'm going to hold another joyful courage 10, which will be a deep dive, intensive daily practice around. Intention around being the parent that you want to be around really being in the practice of bringing those intentions, those ways of being to your relationship with your children, so as to influence it in a way where everybody's connected and you're appreciating the outcome, right? We want to increase the likelihood of cooperation, of connection, of contribution, and we can influence it in the way that we the grown up. We be so joyful courage. 10 is going to start on june 14. Is that right? Yep, and it'll run through June 23 and that will be daily, short daily emails. We'll have a Facebook group, and I will do daily Facebook Lives. So I will run grounding so like a grounding meditation every day, and then a little content on Facebook lives every day that you can either watch live or you can catch later, if the timing doesn't work for you. So that is coming up. I have a link in the show notes to sign up for that joyful courage 10 summer edition. Check it out. There is also currently a podcast contest going on. So I have these great, great mantra bracelets that my sweet friend Antonia has created for me, specifically for my parent community, and that's you and and they're really powerful, and they're all designed around that intentional practice of way of Being. So you can jump on the website, joyful courage.com/mantra-bracelet, and check them out and buy some. Or you can share your favorite podcast. Share it around. Tag me in it. Talk about what you love about the podcast. Tag me. Tag me. Tag me so I see it. And every time you share a podcast, you get a little point, and the person with the most points at the end of the month, actually, the three top point earners at the end of the month will win their choice of what is left of the mantra bracelet. So that is my way of enticing you, inviting you, encouraging you to share this podcast, because you love it, you keep tuning in and listening to it. So if you love it, guess what? Your people are gonna love it, too. And you know what? Parents do not really know how to listen to podcasts. I mean, you guys do. You're doing a great job of listening to podcasts. That is evident in the way that you show up every week and listen. And there's a lot of people where I'll say, oh, you know, here's my new podcast. And they'll say, Oh, I'll watch it later. And then I get to say, well, actually, it's not a video, it's an audio. And they're like, oh. Or they'll say, what's a podcast? Or, you know, they won't even realize that on the newer iPhones, there's a podcast app already there, you know? And they're like, Oh, I didn't even know what that was for. So do me a favor. Help me out in educating everybody on how to listen to podcasts and then educate them on the podcasts that you love. And I know that this is one of those podcasts, because, like I said, you listen. So thank you. Get in on that contest. I'm really excited. And then finally, I'm going to be in Denver in July, and I'm hoping to run an intensive parent workshop. So I want to, I'm going to be in in Denver or boulder area. I'm working with a girlfriend on the ground there to create this. And I'd love to do a three or four hour intensive parenting workshop. So if you are in the area of Denver or Boulder and you are interested in in meeting up, get in touch. Get in touch. I'm looking at July 20 as the date for that. It's a Thursday. So let's see what kind of magic we can create. I would love to be in service to you in person. So let me know what you think about that. All right, I think that's all I've got. So appreciate you. If you're not already in the live in love with joyful courage Facebook group, head on over there. Ask to join. You will be accepted. It's a great place for support and celebration. You can find joyful courage the business page on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, as always, if you have any feedback, feel free to email me. Casey at joyful courage.com. I will respond, and I will truly appreciate anything that you have to say. So have a beautiful day. Take care of yourself, do some stretches, drink some water. I'll see you soon

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